Hi all,

I put this in my journal, but I thought I would put it out here.

I have been up and down several times in the last five years. But it seems that every time I get close to 200 I find some excuse to not go under 200 and go off low carb.

I am trying to figure out why I am so scared to lose past this number.

Anyhow... I ended up binging on Sunday. Today I am back on LC, but I know I have 3-5 days before I am back to fat burning. But I really want to break through this barrier and get into OnderLand.

John

I do this too, John. I think with mine is that I start to get more attention from men and it freaks me out and I think that as long as I stay bigger then I won't have to worry about it.

It's stupid. But, hey! We are in they psychological side of the forum.

I do this too when I hit 159. I can’t seem to move myself under the 160’s without reverting back to bad eating and exercising habits. I don’t know if that is because I am overly confident and feel like I can eat “normal” food again because I feel in control (which ironically turns into me becoming out of control) or because, like Vpeach, I am faced with new found attention from the opposite sex which makes me very uncomfortable. My outside looks good but on the inside I’m still a very insecure, unattractive girl. It’s hard for me to reconcile those two things. Maybe it’s just easier to make the outside look like the inside feels?

I know this doesn’t help but just wanted you to know that you’ve been heard….and that I understand.

I think you've hit on a big part of the problem. If we don't feel attractive or ready inside, we feel like it's false advertising or something.

But you know... that's someone else's problem. If we don't learn to deflect unwanted attention, we won't ever get the kind we want, either.

To me, that's far too high a price to pay.

I have a magic number as well, I have gone off plan for months on end, binge eating carbs, 4 times now at this number.

I know its emotional, I feel invisible at a bigger weight, and this number is one where I start to feel less invisible, and I don't like it. As soon as I start approaching the weight I was pre-children, and the mirror starts to look more like my internal picture of myself, I don't feel like I deserve it somehow.

But I do deserve to be healthy and full of energy and like what I see in the mirror, so I want to get through it.

I'm trying to think of strategies to get through it this time, I'm thinking that when I get near this goal maybe I'll stop weighing for a month or so and give myself mini-goals of staying on plan for 1, 2, 3, 4 maybe more weeks, and reward myself with something nice (an activity not food!) for doing that rather than concentrate on the scale? I've already switched to weighing myself in kilograms, so I don't recognise the number so readily. IDK

Those psychological barriers are a bitch...

I crashed through my 206 one... slowly making my way to 200.

Once I break 200 we will see what happens.

Updating this thread...

I am finally getting close to 200.

clocked in at 202 this morning.

I know I used fat as protection, to keep people at a distance, and as an excuse.

What is different now is that I don't want to do that anymore... But that doesn't stop the old behaviors from rearing their ugly heads...

John,

I responded to your original post back in February. I was saying that I had a hard time breaking into the 150's. Well, today, I am 151. For some reason, when I hit 157 (3 pounds past my danger stopping zone) I just went full throttle! Nothing was going to stop me. I am not here to brag by any means. I'm just saying that it IS possible to break through that emotional barrier that is keeping you from going below 200 and staying there!

I am rooting for you!

So, you've done it...199...how do you feel?

Hi all,

Race pegged it. I didn't get here to talk about it. I finally broke through the 200 mark. The food is good, but there is a sense of anxiety that it won't last.

This is a major milestone, I don't think I weighted this since about 15 maybe 20 years ago...

Right now I am pleased. But don't want to get complacent.

I'm below 100 kg now, and just got a trench coat as a birthday present, after hiding in my ankle-length wool coat or a lumpy duffle coat for the last few winters. I feel like everyone is staring, and have to consciously tell myself the looks (they ARE real) are because other people find something interesting to look at, so apparently I either look good, or interesting somehow! There doesn't seem to be any disgust or disapproval, so I don't think my fly is usually hanging unzipped or anything...

I don't have a magic number as such, but getting thin is soooo scary...

i was chatting with a friend last night and we both agreed that the Fat we have is used as a barrier against the world and people.

Now that I am getting thinner it get more nervous because I now have to deal with me. In the past I could blame it on the fat...

Now not so much...

I think a lot of us do that, hide behind the fat. We use it for all kinds of things from avoiding parties, crowds, and people to hiding from ourselves.

I've made a huge change already, still have a little way to go, but one of the things I've noticed is that I'm more assertive than I was 60lbs ago. I'm more willing to stand up for myself, to tackle new things, and to be seen. It's very strange how the thinner me is viewed by other people, my opinions haven't changed, just my willingness to voice them, or maybe even their willingness to listen.

Hang in there, don't be nervous...you've worked so hard. Take where you have been as foundation for where you are going

i am happy to hear that i am not the only one who feels these ways. i love my body thin. IT IS BEAUTIFUL! so why do i sabotage myself when i get close to being thin? i love the attention but at the same time it freaks me out. a lot of it is mother issues. it is time to get past them. i am getting old (38) and i always wanted time to get and be thin so that it can be who i am, not who i am trying to be. i can take it off. why can't i keep it off? i don't recognize myself when i am thin, but i love the body of whoever that is. i also do not think i deserve to be beautiful. it is such a waste of a jamming body. keep fighting everyone. i am going to keep fighting this time. probably going to try therapy. my insurance pays for it so why not give it a try. i am starting to look good so of course i am starting to freak out and eat cup cakes...

That alone is an excellent insight.

We sometimes forget that growing up takes a lifetime.