I have a fear of being 'small'. I have never been less than 140 lbs as an adult and I am approaching a weight (165 at 5'4'') that is starting to make me feel uncomfortable small in size. I know intellectually that I am a pretty average size for a woman. However, I have diabetes and it would help me to lose weight enough to be really slender. Does anyone have any experience of this that can offer any help?

I know that feeling. I used to have it when I got really thin in my twenties. I felt vunerable and 'on display', which made me feel very uncomfortable. In fact, thats what started me on the roller-coaster of yo-yo. I am diabetic too, T2.

I don't have much advice for you though, except to keep at low-carbing and face up to your feelings as and when they happen. If we don't face our fears they turn into monsters in the dark that we shut away. Being thin is uncomfortable at first because it is unusual. Time and habit will make it usual and comfortable in the end. Also, reducing visceral fat is essential if you want to reduce insulin resistance and improve you BG levels. Choose to be healthy. You can always dress 'fat' to stay invisible if you want. I find that easier now I'm much older!

neo_crone

I choose to be healthy and strong. If it makes me easier to kidnap - I will just have to cope. I hope that recognizing and dealing with smallness before it becomes a big issue will help.

Hi-
I don't know what you are talking about being kidnapped. If you were really kidnapped before or have someone threatening to kidnap you- this is a problem no matter what your weight. Please get help for this and protect yourself. If it "just" a fear, good cognitive therapy helps. If it was a joke I apologize- it is 5 am(LOL)!!!
I do know about the fear of being small. I just feel like I don't take up the same space I did before. I am small now, but do still wear clothes that are not quite fitted enough. I now like being smaller and an enjoying it.
One suggestion that I can make is exercise. I don't know if you are dong any, but I really think that both cardio and weight training helped me maintain muscle mass and get used to my new body as I was very comfortable moving it/using it. And you are right that dealing with this now will help a lot!
E

I do have issues about being 'small' and somehow less powerful or forceful or something that I can't explain properly. I know it doesn't make any sense at all. I am 50 years old so I don't find that attention from men is as big issue at this age like it was when I was in my 20's. I am exercising and do weight training and I am physically stronger than I was 35 pounds ago. The joke relates to a bumper sticker I once saw that said "Fat kids are harder to kidnap".

Clearly, there's SOMETHING that's happened that taught you small people get ignored, slighted, not listened to, abused, your choice of verb. Your mother, grandmother, little sister, ??? I think it matters that you honor the feeling, and live into the solution. Maybe it means taking self-defence classes, or public speaking, or whatever it is that the feeling directs you to. Or stay at your current weight for a while and see how it feels.

When I bump into some of this hidden stuff, it matters that I feel I have a choice about how I react to it. Chosing to stay stable IS a choice--way better than ignoring my unconscious, losing past the point of safety, and then watching myself binge it all back on because I didn't feel right on the slim side.

been there. 46 myself.

Yeah! I felt like I might be viewed as being more vulnerable to violence. Weighing more made me feel more formidable.

I just somehow feel less 'there' now that I am smaller. Also, being fatter I stuck out more in a crowd somehow. I must be afraid of being overlooked or ignored somehow. In reality, I find people are more friendly and receptive now that I am smaller. I looked up my BMI and I am in the 44% percentile for my age and height. Can that be right that I weigh less than most 50 year olds at 5' 5"? So I still can't quite put my finger on what this fear/feeling is or what the source is.

I still have some mental work to do.

Thanks for the wonderful input.

I am very short. After I lost weight, I looked...well more dainty (only word I can think of). It took a while to feel comfortable. When you are heavier you look bigger and taller. I'm still curvy. Some women think if you lose weight, your breasts will shrink. It does not.

Actually we as large people are invisible to the public-mainly because we are an embarasment to them or they just dont know how to deal with us--being large always empowered me and I didnt have low self esteem etc--but-my health declined,also my husbands and my daughter's.So I took matters into my own hands and lost 175 pounds-if they didnt want to do lc that was their thing lol.There is fear in losing weight-I believe that is a normal emotion-your life is going to totally change and you are going to become a new person-its something to work through-do a journal-talk to other friends who would understand and if all that doesnt help go to a counselor.

I have some mental work to do. Now that my weightloss progress has slowed to about 1.5 lbs per week - I have more time to deal with the issues. Even though I am 50 - I did see one guy 'checking me out' visually (I am relatively busty and weightloss has emphasized it) and it made me uncomfortable. So maybe sexuality is involved somehow (yipes).

Good for you!! Get ready to get used to this. You never look curvier until you drop that weight. I still have a C cup with a very small waist. I turn heads, so will you. If that was ever a motivation, I can't think of one.

Actually, it makes perfect sense. I identify strongly with your sentiment, because there's a sense of vulnerability that comes with physically shrinking. I've actually caught myself watching TV when a missing person alert comes on, and thinking to myself, "Well no wonder the poor thing was so easy to kidnap - she's only 5'1' and 98lbs." Add to that the increased sexual attention some receive with every pound lost, and we may find ourselves in new territory. That's aways scary.

here is a stmt i wrote in regards to a previous post i think applies to these feelings (also including link to the thread)

Quote:
Originally Posted by papa deuce
Ok, I "am" fat. but I once was at this weight before and got down to 217 ( after 2 years of hard exercise and a really LF diet ) and I remember never feeling mentally like I was any thinner.


your stmt is just what i was trying to say in another post titled "What will you miss the most about being fat?" - which is a good read by the way - so i thought i would copy a question i answered for your opinion and expound - i think/know when you are fat for all of your life especially like i was (fat kid-fat adult) it not only affects your physical health but your mental health.

i think we all know that - we just do not realize the magnitude of the effects. low carbing has changed dieting for me - before on low fat it took forever to lose the weight on less food - now i have successfully kept the weight off (i do seem to gain and regain the same 5-10lbs. occasionally but never more than that and then it comes right back off) for almost 2 years. so i dont think i have ever reached the same point in my previous weightloss attempts.

i have never before had to convince my mind that i was no longer fat. I DO NOW!!! i know it sounds stupid - i guess another way to put it is-
I KNOW LOGICALLY/FACTUALLY THAT I HAVE LOST WEIGHT AND AM NO LONGER FAT BUT I AM STILL FAT EMOTIONALLY!?!

anyway here's my other post from the thread entitled
What will you miss most about fat?

when i was fat i had this way of deflecting the bad stuff by being a BIG bad ass - you know i could threaten to sit on whoever was pissing me off etc. - there was a certain security in the fat - guys did not hit on me at all - and even though i was 5 foot 3 and fat i felt even BIGGER - people didnt notice me - people definitely underestimated me or worse didnt even bother to consider me one way or the other. which i must admit sometimes was a plus.

after losing weight and no longer being fat - i started to get more attention from men and people in general- it was kinda disconcerting.

after having felt huge in more ways than one all of a sudden i was petite and fragile. WTF?!? fragile and petite - me - no way! who the hell knew i was petite? i sure didnt.

my safety net was gone! i was no longer intimidating just because of my size -now i was attractive to everyone - now other women considered me a threat - now people see me coming and dont automatically look the other way - now people take me seriously immediately. now if i threaten to sit on anyone if they mess with me - there really is no threat in it.

dont get me wrong i am glad i lost the weight - but it seems we are losing more than weight - we are losing something mentally as well?? does this make any sense at all??

the biggest problem i have had is not losing the weight - its putting my head around my new size - my brain is having a hard time reconciling my fat mind with my slimmer body.

i am beginning to think that the reason most people put the weight back on is due to the fact - that their brain can not accept that they are no longer fat. do you know what i mean?

i still look in the mirror and see that person that weighed well over 200 lbs. not the actual person in the mirror now.

if you are or have been fat you know what it is like for instance - you tell yourself nobody would be interested in you because you are fat and somehow you project that to the world "I AM FAT - THEREFORE I CAN NOT BE HIT ON BY MEN - AND I CAN NOT BE A THREAT TO YOUR RELATIONSHOP". and in projecting those feelings you give out a vibe that keeps that from happening as a form of protection.

sorry i am trying to explain it but it is hard to put into words. i'll keep trying

http://forum.lowcarber.org/showthread.php?t=260549

Oh ditto

I was going to start my own thread on this till I saw this one.

Being big is protection - for me it's from violence, from being pushed around (with my bulk I get the feeling/image that if I have to I can push past life's problems if I have to - I have inertia, I won't be bowled over)

Also it's protection from bitchiness - if they're writing me off cause I'm fat, then in some warped way, they view me as harmless and won't go to the trouble of finding out where to really hit me where it hurts. Almost like my fat is a flack jacket protecting the real me from being hurt.

Then on top of that I have a real fear of success, one I want to tackle now I want to slim down. Having spent a lot of time and effort on therapy ( imaginary head archaeology ), I've come to realise this is my big problem in life.

I want to explain where I'm coming from on this, just in case it helps anybody and in case someone can help me too. Knowing what the problem is only a step to finding a solution, and I'm hearily sick of being like this.

I seem to sabotage my own life if it's going too well, and praise makes me feel sick to my stomach.

I was brought up so that academic success was your main goal in life (then I guess on to adulthood having a good, well paid and prestigous job was the aim). Top of the class A + was the only acceptable situation to be in, even small mistakes got criticism (can't you do anything right?) and sometimes beatings (the belt, the slipper, sometimes punching). Having fun or relaxing was not allowed - school, homework, extra and home tuition, chores, sleep, church, girl guides/brownies, orchestra, family exercise periods (swimming or hiking) filled each day, and reading ahead of the class or extra chores was expected in those rare moments of spare time. We weren't allowed TV, unless we'd had an educational show picked out for us in advance, we were not supposed to read fiction unless it was for class (my first act of rebellion was science fiction habit, I still inhale it almost like air). Friends were discouraged, and we certainly were not allowed to socialise outside school and formal activities like guides. And as I said before silly mistakes, or just having an off day got us into serious trouble - screaming, shouting, throwing things, physical punishment, harsh critcism - incompetent, delinquent, stupid, irresponsible, how could you do this to us? - I doubt they could have reacted much worse if I'd really been a rebellious child. So I should be afraid of failure right?

Ah, here's the rub. Doing really well (awards, certificates, trophies, mentions in the local paper etc) got you extra attention, which at home meant extra scrutiny, which meant extra criticism after the rosy glow wore off, because of course none of us can be perfect, and especially not children. Then of course they'd expect you to do it again, just doing well wouldn't be good enough any more. So the best strategy with pops was to keep your head down (he even used to say "nose to the grindstone"), look as busy as possible and don't call uneccessary attention to yourself. And boy could success mean extra attention.

And if we got sick? Whoo boy, what a pain we were! If we needed help that wasn't forced on us? The same. I remember being told many times by pops, that he was busy, had more important things to do - "Don't compete".

I went to a really good private school. I got a scholarship later, but basically, when we were young, my parents spent all their money on our education and we lived lean - old cars, old clothes, growing our own fruit and veg, home made bread, going to yard sales. So you could imagine, already shy and nervous, I was thrust among kids who had things, toys, parties, ponies, self confidence. So already I didn't fit in. Then my parents were "eccentric" and outsiders as well as bing thrifty - mom a recent immigrant, awkward and with a strong accent, pops just well, eccentric. So I'm sure parents talked. Then of course, I was brainy. Of course, I was, I'd been doing math, reading and writing at home almost from birth! I had to do my best, anything less was unacceptable to the two people in my life who mattered most. And god was I bullied, left out, had hate mail, school was a miserable experience. Guides was better - no one knew how advanced I was academically, or to be honest even cared. But school, it could be so frosty it was unreal. And my parents always told me everything was my (own) fault.

And the other thing. I was also responsible for the eldest of my two younger sisters (the baby was a wee late one, arrived when I was ten, so I think was spared the worst of this, though mom and pops were still hard to live with). It was always "look after your sister", if she got hurt, I got punished, if she was naughty, I got punished for that too. The most awful thing was, we'd have home tuiton together after school and she was held to the same standard as me, 18 months old and more academically minded (she's a practical person, and very arty, very good with people). We'd get questions fired at us, I almost always got mine right, she'd struggle. Pops would roar, pound the table, and sometimes even punch her, but what could I do? Fudge my answers to call attention away from her? I couldn't, I just couldn't do it, and of course this was all my fault - my success hurt others. I know this is a warped way of seeing things, but I still find myself ashamed if someone praises me. And envy? That's the warning that I'm hurting people.

So if I'm slimmer, if I succeed, I'm gonna hurt other people (somehow) - cause they might get jealous, cause I might get more good attention so they'd get less (or the bad attention). And then also I'm gonna get hurt myself somehow

Sorry this is so long. Thank you if you've stayed with me this far. Boy has this post been cathartic.