Hi, this is a posting to help out my mom who is in really really bad shape. Any ideas would be appreciated, mostly so I understand what is going on with her so I don't go down the same path.

She is 60 and severly overweight. Uncontrolled hypothyroidism (her doc thinks that synthroid is the only drug out there and that the TSH is the gold standard). Lupus symptoms although her doc keeps telling her her blood tests are inconclusive so she doesn't really think she has it. Rheumatoid arthritis, which is really bad because she's in so much pain she can barely walk. These things are the ones I can deal with. I'm on Armour thyroid meds, low carb, and gluten free to avoid the lupus and RA, I'm also getting my vitamin D levels up to avoid other problems.

The part I think is the worst for my mom and the part I don't understand is that she has been complaining a LOT lately about her face hurting. Apparently she feels like she has a sinus infection all the time, but she can't sneeze. She also claims that part of her face and lip have gone numb. Her face is in so much pain that she can't eat. What in the world could be causing that? Mini-strokes? She also is losing vision in her eyes. Noone knows what caused that even though she's been to some top rated eye doctors. Could that be caused by mini-strokes as well?

I look like my mom and have a lot of the same health problems as she does. THing is that I'm 25 and want to avoid all these health problems in the future. I'm already way better off than she is, but don't understand this facial issue she's having.

Any insight about what she could do for herself or what the problems might be?
I should add that she refuses to go low carb, refuses to see a new hypothyroidism doctor, and thinks that my supplementation program with vitamin D and malic acid is a terrible idea DESPITE MY GETTING BETTER!

If she has health insurance, I would immediately get a referral for a second opinion. Or third. I wouldn't stop until I got a definite answer on the face numbness. You know how doctors love to dismiss symptoms in women as hysteria/depression.



Is she open to a lower carb diet? Without calling it lower carb?

Good job on heading off health issues now. I wish I'd discovered LC when I was just 25!

I'm thinking nerve damage might be possible. Diabetes? Food intolerances (gluten) have been linked to nerve damage, brain lesions, gait disorders.

I had some symptoms that looked liked Lupus too but turned out it was a different autoimmune disease (Ankylosing Spondylitis). It is difficult to get a diagnosis of. My most Lupus like symptom was pain when breathing and lots of joint/tendon pain. It can affect your entire body. I think any autoimmune disease can cause fatigue.

Since being gluten/dairy free and getting treated for the AS I've lost all those hypothyroid like symptoms too.

Unfortunately if your Mom is being uncooperative there is nothing you can do but learn to accept it and love her all the same.

I have a feeling its gluten... But she won't believe me at all. When I told her I had a candida over growth she thought it was a sexually transmitted disease. talk about unsupportive. guess theres just nothing i can do, but it sure is hard as hell to watch someone you love basically kill themselves when youve done all the hard work to prove she doesnt have to be that way.

Yeah, I watched it with 2 parents and my siblings. I mean really, everyone has bad habits that are going to impair their lives at some point. But there's only so much you can do.

Aetheana maybe if you can just get your mom to get her thyroid correct she'll have the energy to face the other things. TSH isn't so bad to use as a guide a lot of the times as long as the dr lets you be anywhere in the normal range which goes down to 0.35. Have you seen her Free T3 and Free T4 and TSH results?

She probably won't be able to lose any weight until her thyroid is right, so she may feel like the diet is impossible. Pretty depressing to diet and not lose any weight.

Since she thinks she has a sinus infection (maybe right) would she go to an ent? At least you could get a medical opinion on what's going on. I have had a sinus infection 3 months and it does make your whole face hurt at times and even your teeth. Not to scare you but she could have a tumor too. There's so many diagnostic tools they can use to try to find the source.

Obviously there's a lot more but she may get overwhelmed with too much at one time and lupus and gluten might be too much for her to think about right now, and I think that generation is used to just pushing through the pain.

I sympathize. My mom is also suffering from multiple ailments that I know would be improved by going gluten free, but she won't hear me. Even though her mother is a full blown celiac.

All you can do is present options. They are gownups and have to make their own decisions, no matter how 'wrong' we think they are, and how much we love them and want to help.

It sucks.

Aetheana

I understand.

My father is slowly wasting away because of type 2 diabetes -- heart attack, had his colon (and several other internal things) removed, etc. He has seen what I have accomplished, and he also refuses to do anything about it. His parents suffered the same way. My sisters are suffering. My mother's mother suffered with amputations, etc. My brother in law had quadruple bypass.

The only solace I have is that I am now leading a much healthier and productive life. My quality of life is -- and will continue to be -- much, much better. And my kids will never suffer.

I know how much you love her and will do anything for her. I know how much it hurts to watch your loved ones suffer when the solution is so easy.

But you are doing a lot for her and your family by stopping this hereditary disease with your leadership.

First of all these are only ideas, based on my own experience. I am 61 years old and have a lot of health issues.

When I was 310 lbs, I could barely get up or move because I was in such pain in my joints I could not hold on to anything to get me up (arthritis in my knees). This is was in 2002. Then I started to take 1,500 mg of Folic Acid and the pain dissapeared and it has not returned yet.

Found Atkins and lost 70 lbs. This is quite important.

Found out that I have allergies which created a lot of sinus infections, to the point that my sinuses had to be drained. Went into allergy medications and no more problems.

Had Goiter and could not swallow very well. Thyroid meds reduced the size of the thyroind and the problem went away and I also think it help with losing weight.

Sometimes the answers are very simple. I think we should start eliminating the simple, and inexpensive things first before we get wrapped up into the unknown and strange.

Have your mother tested for all types of allergies, gluten included if there is such a test. I don't remember if it was included in mine. It is not that bad really.

I hope you can find out what is happening and can help her. But remember, there is nothing you can do if she does not want to be helped.

It just kills me because it seems as if she's given up on ever feeling healthy again! I've told her time and again to look at her hypothyroid results and get the free t3 and free t4, but she just won't do it. I've told her to get a new doc off the armour thyroid website, but she just won't do it. she's been sick for so long now (going on 20 years diagnosed with hypothyroid thats uncontrolled) that she just has no hope what so ever. I was really hoping that my example would be enough for her... I was in the same boat that she was in with being tired and gaining weight and depressed and miserable, but then i got my new doc, got armour thyroid meds, went off gluten, started supplementing vitamin d and everything else and now im a new person who's lupus markers have gone down! it just wasnt enough.

I've got an unrelated experience to share with you, but it just might be of some relevance.

A few months ago, I got a call from Mom saying she'd had an EKG which showed she had one of those "silent" heart attacks (where the person doesn't even realize they've had it, the symptoms are so mild or feel like something else).

As the week went on, I kept calling her...and each time I called, I could hear the shortness of breath and so on. Finally, I just got in the car and made the drive from Colorado to Vancouver BC because I was so worried.

I spent about a month there, telling her all about good fats, healthy foods and so on. Did all kinds of research and relayed lots of information to her. I cooked breakfast and dinner for her every night. Lots of salads, fish and good fats. I wanted to show her that eating well didn't mean eating tasteless "rabbit" food. I was also doing my best to convince her to stop smoking, but she kept on putting it off. The cardiologist said she needed to quit smoking immediately, but then when she got a prescription from her regular doctor for Zyban to help with quitting, she took that doc's instructions to wait for the medication to kick in a bit before stopping as another chance to delay the quitting. At one point, she was having awful symptoms...that seemed like she might be having another mild heart attack - nausea, shortness of breath, arm pain and so on. I tried to convince her to go to the ER, but she refused.

After a weekend of saying she needed to go to the ER, she finally agreed...and we headed off to the hospital on a Monday morning. But..first, she wanted to go out for breakfast. She proceeded to order what I consider a "heart attack on a plate" - pancakes, syrup, hashbrowns, sausages etc. She chain smoked afterwards while I was still finishing my egg white omelet and salad. She downed a bunch of coffee loaded with sugar and cream too.

I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

I had wanted to take her grocery shopping to show her where to get the "good" groceries and show her how to read the labels to watch for things like trans fats and hidden sugars. But...she kept putting this one off too.

After a little while, I started to think that maybe she didn't want to get better. I was pretty upset and I remember sort of railing at the craziness of her behaviour in my own mind...thinking, "But, but...I want her to want to live".

Went to several doc's appts. with her, lotsa running around. Meanwhile, I was giving her TONS of information. But she wouldn't go for it.

Or so it seemed.

I left to go back home to Colorado after about 4 weeks of this.

I've been back for about a month now.

Guess what? She's quit smoking, she says she wants to try low-carb and she has been walking for 1/2 an hour daily. She also wants to get a treadmill.


Furthermore, after some specialized testing at the hospital (heart scan), it turns out that the abnormal EKG she had was some sort of anomaly...and that her heart is slightly enlarged, but otherwise healthy.

I think it's perhaps very hard for parents to listen to their children, no matter how old that 'child' might be. Maybe it's threatening to think that suddenly they are the ones needing care. Maybe it's scary to have the tables turned on them, to lose that sense of being 'in charge' - at least with their own children. I'm in my thirties, but I got the distinct impression that there's some part of my Mom that still sees me as being six years old, with pigtails and MaryJanes. I couldn't possibly take care of her, and there's no way I knew what I was talking about, because SHE's the parent.

Funny thing though...all that information I gave her, all the cooking, the insistence on walking as a good place to start, the encouragement to quit smoking....wasn't in vain at all. She's using the information now, but she needs to feel like it's all her idea. It can't be about her daughter "telling her what to do".

If you can find a way to reduce that "telling her what to do" aspect, and continue to impart the information and resources, as though you're telling your boss about something...that you're just providing helpful information rather than demanding that she "do something"...you might find she'll start to act on it.

I was really disappointed when I went up to Vancouver, because it seemed like Mom was determined to stay sick, and determined to ignore me...at least when it came to the possibility that I might know something, or that I could possibly care for her, instead of her always being the one to care for me. This was met with denial, resistance, stonewalling and so on. The minute I left though...she stood teary-eyed on the deck watching me take my suitcase to the car, and choked out something about how much she'd miss me. The very next day she quit smoking!!!!!!

Anyway, I hope this helps...

Don't despair...k?

Sara

Sara, what a wonderful story!

What you did was wonderful, showing your Mom that another way of living is possible. I often thought if I could just cook some fabulous dinners for my erring relatives, it might convince them it is doable. But time and availability are never there...

But this theme is so universal. This is what doctors complain about, patients who won't do what they tell them, family members noticing genetic illnesses in other family members, or their off-spring. This is the old saying, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink".

I really liked your story!

And I like your advice of talking to her likes she's my boss. I wouldn't tell my boss what to do, but would let them 'take credit' for ideas that were my own... My dad also likes to tell my mom what to do and she won't do it, so maybe thats why she is rebelling against me as well, even though i'm nicer about telling her what to do.
hmm.. all things for me to think about.

I too have to allow my Mom to think things are her own idea. It is a little like introducing kids to new foods. I never expect them to eat something the first time they see it on their plate. It has to become familiar to them before they will try it. With my Mom I have to mention something several times before she agrees to it. It took me awhile to learn that. I felt like I was nagging her. But when I told a friend that my Mom had to say no 7 times before she would agree to anything, he told me that there is a theory in sales that says the very same thing. That a customer will turn something down 7 times!

By the way, when my Mom was sick I managed to get her to an ENT, when she refused a family practioner. He was the one who diagnosed her thyroid problem. Now she thinks of me as as wonderful because I figured her thyroid problem out! And she admits she feels better and is more willing to go to doctors when I suggest it now.

Maybe your Mom would be willing to go to an ENT because of her facial pain to see if he can check into possible sinus troubles. And while she is there he could do some bloodwork for thyroid?

If you can't get her to go anywhere else you could look into getting her exisiting bloodwork before a new doctor to see how he interprets it.

And if nothing else, I can give you sympathy. You are doing something wonderful trying to help your Mom, even if she doesn't appear to appreciate it.

It actually sounds like you have a pretty good grasp of the problem, but if you need support from other people facing some pretty intractable behaviors from their own loved ones, that's the place to find it.

I had a hard time coming to understand the old lady next door wanted to complain more than she wanted to change anything that might solve the source of the complaints. I finally had to allow myself to leave after three complaints. Sometimes a visit would last 15 minutes, and sometimes I'd be out of there in 2.

Have you had a come-to-Jesus meeting with her, laying out what you understand and the consequences? Sometimes that gets through where "nice" and "dutiful daughter by example" won't. Don't know your mother, though.

There's always prayer.