Just wanted to say hello since I don't know when I will be on the computer next. I hope your orientation went well too, I remember my orientation at UMB and it is scary and it must be even scarier at an ivy league school.

Well I have to admit I'm depressed, we got news last night that a couple that we hang out with once in a while just got engaged, and the pitiful part about it is that they met after my boyfriend and I. I don't know how much more happiness I can take, it's just so aggravating to share in everyone else's joy. I must sound disgruntled but I was in a wedding last October then this past May I was my best friend's maid of honor and then immediately afterwards a good friend from high school asked me to be in hers as well. Always a bridesmaid, never a bride is my new motto.
I'm sorry I'm bitching so much but I can't take it anymore, don't you just want to be the center of attention sometimes? That's exactly what I want and even though I sound like a spoiled brat right now I want to be engaged and show off my pretty ring and look through bridal magazines. I mean don't get me wrong I love hearing everyone's good news and I would love to hear that you were engaged or anyone is engaged but sometimes you just want something great to happen to yourself for a change. I think my boyfriend is tormenting me anyways, I don't think he'll ask for at least a couple more years and maybe its about time that I start pushing for it.

well sorry again for complaining so much in this post. Diet is going alright though, I haven't lost or gained and I haven't been sticking to it very well, had rice last night and all I've eaten today so far are M&M's, great breakfast and lunch!

hope all is going well and I hope to hear from you soon
Heidi

Hi Heidi,

I know what you mean about the weddings. A lot of the students I met today are ALREADY married, so that's weird, and a bunch of them are engaged. I'm not the youngest one though, there's another girl who's going to turn 22 next May, and I turn 22 in February. That was a relief. Orientation was cool. I have to go back in a few minutes. I met some very cool people, and some kind of irritating people also. There was one guy who obviously needed to calm down and not ask so many stupid questions (ex., "Why is that statue there? I saw that statue in Rome. Why would Brown have a statue of Marcus Aurelius in the quad? Is the philosophy department nearby?" that is practically a direct quote from the irritating boy on the campus tour.

Now you know we can't have rice and m'n'm's or however you spell it. I'll tell you my new favorite dessert, maybe you can try it and eat it when you want something sweet. Try to find chocolate or strawberry (or both) syrup made with Splenda, sugarfree. I found them in my grocery store under diet foods. Put 1/2 cup of cottage cheese in a bowl, add some strawberry and chocolate syrup, and put blueberries on top. It is delicious, filling, and takes care of cravings for sweets, and has very few carbs. It's my ice-cream substitute

I haven't lost weight either. I do appear to be building muscle in my arms though

I haven't been "in" a wedding yet. None of my close friends have gotten married, but they're definitely in committed relationships and it's just a matter of time. Marios and I talk about it and when I say "When are we getting married?" He says "Call a priest!" but of course he's kidding. He told me he doesn't want to get married until I get my PhD. That's at least 5 years!!!

Ok, back to the orientation stuff....I'd better run!!

Heidi

I know I'm doing horrible when it comes to this diet and thank you for the recipe, maybe I'll try it out tomorrow. I am though, in the back of my head, kind of counting carbs and stuff like that, I think I just need to wallow in my self pity for a couple of days while I finish another paper before classes start Tuesday.

In the meantime I remember my boyfriend mentioning that he wanted to wait until I graduated too, maybe that's what he's waiting for. I have this fantasy too that he'll ask me on New Year's Eve in Disney World this year at the stroke of midnight. I was hoping to be asked in Egypt on a pyramid but it's too dangerous there right now. I have some really out there fantasies but a girl can dream!

Anyhow it sounds like you'll do great at Brown. I couldn't imagine moving away to a college and starting fresh right now and you have and it's great. I guess that's kind of why I'm stuck on staying in Boston for my master's and phd. Maybe losing weight will build my confidence and get me to broaden my horizons a bit. So I guess that means no more M&M's!

hope you have a great weekend
Heidi

Hi Heidi,

I just wanted to say good luck tomorrow on your first day at Brown! Hope you had a great long weekend as well.

hope to talk to you soon
Heidi

Hi Heidi,

I did have a great weekend. My boyfriend came up on Saturday night for one night, and then it got late on Sunday so he stayed Sunday night, and we set the alarm for early Monday morning so he could drive back to NYC for work, and then when the alarm went off, he turned it off, and I said "Aren't you going to get up?" And he said "No" and I said "Are you going to work?" And he said "No, I don't have to go to work today" so he tricked me. It was such a great surprise. The closest thing I can compare it to is you're in high school, you wake up at 6:30, look out the window, and there's two feet of snow on the ground--back to bed!! So that was wonderful.

When he's here, my workouts suffer, though. I feel kind of icky wearing my not-so-attractive workout clothes and doing situps in front of him. So I didn't do the best workout yesterday, but I made up for it tonight. I did everything, including 6 miles on the bike.

I'm psyched and nervous about school. I hope I'm prepared for what I'm getting myself into!!

I have to get a good night's sleep. If I was back home, my mom would make blueberry pancakes from scratch for breakfast for the first day of school....homesick....oh well.

I was thinking today that I may be letting my carbs add up w/o realizing it. Eating a bunch of foods that have 2 carbs each adds up really fast without noticing it. So this week I am going to count everything, and see if I'm really staying under my 30/day limit. Starting tomorrow at breakfast. I haven't lost any weight, I'm at 221.5 right now, and it's very disappointing. I'm doing all that exercise, drinking lots of water, and I even went off birth-control pills, so maybe the problem is that I'm eating too many carbs w/o realizing it. Also, I may not be able to eat all the foods I'm currently eating. Some people seem to have problems w/ cheese, which I eat a TON of.

I'm going to keep plugging away at it though. ooooh I am mad, five undergrads moved into the apartment above me and they are SO LOUD I could march up there right now and kick their behinds. I hope they settle down soon.

Did you do anything special for the labor day weekend? I hope you at least got to RELAX. And how's the diet going??

Heidi

Your weekend sounds fantastic and it was definitely a great way to start off a new semester. My boyfriend and I didn't do much, he has a couple of side jobs working on computers so he did that Saturday night. He also finally brought me the furniture I was getting from his grandparent's house so I pretty much organized and put away clothing all day Saturday. I have literally too many pieces of clothing, I literally don't have room to buy anything, I completely filled two more dressers and I need more room on top of that. Anyhow Sunday we went to Newburyport and Salisbury Beach and played arcade games and browsed through antique stores. It was actually a lot of fun. Monday we ended up finally hitting the sales because he needed some stuff at Compusa and we ended up going out to eat afterwards and he showed me a great side of himself. He was staring at a baby, I mean staring so bad he didn't make much eye contact with me at all and I wasn't really upset by it since it was directed toward a baby. It was awesome, I think he'd be absolutely incredible with kids. I mean he was fascinated by the simplest things, probably since he was the only child. I hope something happens soon between us.

Anyhow diet is going alright, not overdoing the carbs but not really sticking to anything either. I'm hoping to get on that two week plan soon and then afterwards stick to a modified Atkins program or maybe try out protein power.

Also school started today, honestly I'm very frustrated, I'm just completely sick of being here. I need more but since I'm not sure what I want to do I'm hoping this semester clarifies it for me. I'm taking two public policy courses in the hopes of conquering this problem for good. I hope it goes well for you today. I'll hopefully be on AIM tonight after classes. I have an additional class to attend tonight since I'm actually a mentor for it, it's a first year seminar and I guess my job is to help them get acquainted with college life and then make sure they know how to use all of the resources on campus and then help them with writing and research. I hope it's more than I think it'll be, I just would love a change of pace and then again I would love a challenge but I don't think I'll get that until grad school. I'm so sorry I'm rambling so much, there's just a ton on my mind.

well I hope all is well and your classes turn out to be interesting

Heidi

Hi Heidi,

I went to my first class today, although it only met for 15 minutes because the Convocation for new students was during the scheduled time. The convocation was VERY cool. We walked in a procession through these big gates on campus that only open twice a year: once during convocation when you walk into campus, and once at commencement when you leave campus. Then the president and some other important people spoke, and it was very nice. So my first day was very easy: 15 minutes of class, a ceremony, lunch w/ classics people, and buying notebooks and stuff that I don't need at the Brown Bookstore.

I hope your diet comes in the mail soon! I actually had a lower weight today than in the past, but I've learned not to get to excited about that, since it may go back up tomorrow. I'm going to go eat an afternoon snack, since my lunch was a very small salad (the only thing at the cafe we went to that I could eat!)

I'll probably be online later...I'm so glad my first day was so stress-free and relaxing. Even though it rained and we had to sit on the College Green and listen to speeches for an hour in the rain. The singing of the school song was very pretty

Later, Heidi

Hi,

Sounds like a great first day, I'm honestly I think just bored. I ended up getting work study with a professor in the psych department and that is going to work out pretty well and I have most of my classes determined as well so I guess things aren't going to bad here. This day is just going by so slowly, I have to wait around until tonight to go to a class that I will be mentoring so I have a lot of time to kill right now. Maybe when my schedule becomes a little more structured through the professors getting their acts together I'll be a little happier. As for now though I'm just sick of seeing the same walls.

well I'm glad your day went so well

Also I guess my package finally arrived but I won't get it until probably tomorrow since it's at my boyfriend's house, packages get sent there since more people will be home to sign for them.
I'm definitely excited about it though, looking forward to losing twenty pounds, even ten would be fantastic.

talk to you soon
Heidi

just thought I'd say hello and see how classes are going. Mine are alright, I decided to take a couple of different things and I'm pretty pleased with my choices so far. I'm taking a bunch of policy courses, urban anthropology, public policy and women and public policy and they sound interesting thus far. In the meantime I have to admit that I'm absolutely exhausted. I'm trying to figure out who I'm working for since I have actually received a few offers, pretty excited actually because they are in the departments that I'm majoring in and I really need the extracurricular stuff for my grad school applications. I'm not sure what I'm going to do just yet though, have to meet with another professor today to discuss stuff and I guess I'll see what happens. It's kind of strange that I love what I'm doing right now but at the same time I hate it, I can see myself becoming a professional student!

Also the diet is not going to great, starting that two weeks of hell diet Monday, its pretty much low carb and high carb days combined with very low amounts of calories and exercise. I need to lose the weight, I think it would really make me feel better and complete what I wanted to accomplish during this year. How is it going for you, last time I read the thread you were doing well, you had lost weight and you are still sticking to it and you must be turning the fat into muscle. I wish I could get up and exercise everyday, I think I have to do it the way you are and just do it everyday because once I miss one day it's too easy to miss another and another.

well as you can probably tell I'm exhausted and I have to do some stuff and finish it all in a short time since I have to meet my mother so we can go to Bellingham for a wake.

I hope everything is going well and I'll see if you are around over the weekend. Hope everything is going well with boyfriend as well, mine is getting on my nerves since I still feel like I'm doing everything while he can just come home and play video games.
I guess living together isn't always as much fun as I thought it would be.

talk to you soon
Heidi

Hi,

I'm not sure if you'll read this soon but I wanted to say thank you again for listening to me last night. I was so confused about everything. I guess I was feeling unimportant and unrespected at the same time because I'm never taken very seriously. I wonder sometimes if it's the fact that I'm a girl and I have breasts because I know I'm intelligent and that my ideas are significant. Oh well, I went for a directed study with that psych professor that I was talking about, won't be doing much work because I'm only taking it for one credit but I think I'm happy because after yesterday and today and attending two lab meetings working with clinical psych phd students I'm no longer interested in the field and it feels good that I've determined that. I think I'm going to honestly look more into public policy, I have always wanted to help people and I love politics and I think I'm really more interested in this and I can also integrate my psych and criminology interests in the field as well. I don't know if I'm rambling, came home and was so upset after two days of hell that I'm drinking a bottle of wine and it feels great since my headache has gone away and my jaw has stopped hurting. For about the last year whenever I get stressed out I clench my jaw together and after a few hours of doing it, it just aches tremendously.

Well I hope school is going well for you, I would love to be at Brown right now working with people that all love the field and are doing what they do because they love what they do. After the lab meeting yesterday I was so disgusted because he was so after publications and populations that he couldn't gain access to in order to publicize more that I got so disgusted that the field that I thought I wanted to work in was like that. I don't know if I'm making any sense, just a very long day and just made more difficult because my mind was made aware of so much as well.

hope all is going well
Heidi

Hi,
I'm doing okay. I had a rough week and it's not over yet because I have a three hour exam tomorrow morning. But the classes are done, at least. I slept one hour last night: from 8 am to 9 am. It was the first all-nighter I've ever done. It sucked. I have a 3 hour exam tomorrow , just like last Saturday. They are working us so hard. I don't have time to work out anymore. It's not that I am being lazy. I literally don't have time to do it. I have a paper due on Tuesday (school just started!!!) so i have to get cracking on that......

otherwise, though I'm doing pretty well, just trying to learn as much as possible which ought to make it all easier later.

Talk to you soon,
Heidi

It sounds absolutely terrible what they are putting you through but I guess it will pay off in the long run. School right now isn't too overwhelming, classes aren't bad because they are just a lot of reading. What's driving me crazy is my extracurricular stuff and working for three teachers who are all extremely disorganized. In the meantime I have to admit that I feel really good today, I think I have come to the conclusion that I'm going to apply for a phd program in public policy and maybe go for a graduate degree in whatever I want since public policy is just so broad that if I go for what I really want I will still qualify for pub policy. It's nice to kind of have that figured out.

well good luck with everything, they sound like they are putting you way too much and I have always wondered when I have been put through it if they realize what they are putting you through. I hope you find some time over the weekend to sleep and I honestly wouldn't worry about working out right now, I think school is more important and the torture may not last too much longer, hopefully

Heidi

Hi Heidi,


If you read my posts last week it sounded like I was dramatizing a bit but I guess it was bad for me because the field that I thought I loved wasn't that great after all. Anyhow how is everything going? How is school and all of the exams? How was your weekend? Mine was alright, we didn't do too much, had to go to school for a little while on Sat. but then went to a bog, I guess there aren't too many and since my boyfriend had gone on his ecology lab field trip he wanted me to see it as well. He can be the best tour guide and because of it we had a good time. Sunday I saw my parents and it just got me infuriated as usual, long story.

Also I wanted to tell you and I guess warn you to be careful with this new wol, my mother just got her cholesterol results in and it was in the 280's!

Hope all is well.
Heidi

Hi,


not sure if you're going to get this since you're so busy but with that two week diet i managed to lose 10 pounds and keep them off which is all the better in my eyes. I thought i went down to 164.5 but i'm staying at 168.5 and that's alright because when i've done this in the past the weight immediately returns and it's not this time. Of course i finally started working out too and doing my ab doer again so i feel really great as well. It took me a lot to get on my treadmill again but once I did I find myself feeling better and sleeping better and I missed those benefits. I purchased another two week diet on ebay called spirostim, a new version of the last thing i bought, and it should be coming in soon. I'm beginning to accept the fact that ten pounds is ok if you keep it off.

Anyhow how are you? How was your weekend with your boyfriend? I hope all is well.

Heidi

Hey Heidi,
Yeah, my boyfriend didn't come after all, but he's coming this weekend (so he says) and we're going to have our two-week-late anniversary dinner.

Hmmph.

Congratulations about the 10 pounds! I've been so busy with school I haven't had time to think about working out and I just eat whatever's in the fridge, which is all low-carb because I don't buy anything else. But I'm kind of noticing that clothes are looser which is good.

I get a three-day weekend coming up and I am SO SO SO excited to get a little break. What a relief!! I'm going to get back to work now!!

Heidi