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  #1   ^
Old Wed, Jul-17-19, 14:41
LaydJ LaydJ is offline
Registered Member
Posts: 58
 
Plan: Protein Power
Stats: 200/200/125 Female 5'1"
BF:
Progress: 0%
Default Need help with my husband's support

I have really let myself go....really.

My husband thinks I need to exercise (and I agree with him), but he wants to see me jumping around like P90X or jogging or working out for 30+ minutes. I can't do it. I don't know how to explain to him that I don't have the physical stamina to do it. I think that watching The Biggest Loser in the past has given him unrealistic expectations. When I tried to commit to 15 minutes a day of moderate movement, he didn't think it was enough. Now I have just about given up. I think if I can get my eating under control and lose some weight then I can do more exercise. I think I will have more energy and won't have all this fat flopping around.

He is thin. He has no issues with food/carbs. He does not understand.

What should I say/do?

Last edited by LaydJ : Wed, Jul-17-19 at 18:46. Reason: Title sounded weird
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  #2   ^
Old Wed, Jul-17-19, 17:51
JessAus's Avatar
JessAus JessAus is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 430
 
Plan: Primal/IF
Stats: 220/175/176 Female 5'10"
BF:~40%/28.3%/29%
Progress: 102%
Location: Western Australia
Default

I'd explain it exactly like you just have here. Tell him how it makes you feel and that you have a plan that once you get to x weight that you will start x exercise etc. Also, explain to him that having his support and encouragement is vital to your success....
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  #3   ^
Old Wed, Jul-17-19, 19:03
Ms Arielle's Avatar
Ms Arielle Ms Arielle is online now
Senior Member
Posts: 11,055
 
Plan: atkins
Stats: 247/217/153 Female 5'8"
BF:
Progress: 32%
Location: Massachusetts
Default

If he still doesnt understand, ignore him. Make your plans for a better you. Get on the plan of your choice , and we will support you. As you feel better, more energized, then add in modest, easy exercise. Sometimes just walking up stairs is too much, so just do half. Thats how I started after years of laying on a couch due to a back injury.

You,ve got this.
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  #4   ^
Old Thu, Jul-18-19, 01:45
Kristine's Avatar
Kristine Kristine is offline
Forum Moderator
Posts: 20,064
 
Plan: Primal
Stats: 171/155/155 Female 5'7"
BF:
Progress: 100%
Location: Southern Ontario, Canada
Default

This would make me livid. He wants to see you jumping around?! Tell him to go to youtube and watch Jillian Michaels vidoes if that's what he wants to see. If what you're doing isn't good enough for him, then he needs to put a sock in it.

Please tell us that he's not actually talking down to you or mocking you, because that would pretty much be abuse.

If it were me, I'd have ONE final conversation about it. Tell him what you said here: maybe even show him this thread. And the points I'd be making are: a) My body is my responsibility and no one else's, therefore it will be MY decision and my decision alone on how I'm going to eat and exercise, and b) if he can't be supportive, his unsolicited opinion is not welcome. End of story. And then hold him to it: "This isn't up for discussion" is a very useful phrase.

Best of luck.
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  #5   ^
Old Thu, Jul-18-19, 04:34
JEY100's Avatar
JEY100 JEY100 is offline
To Good Health!
Posts: 11,153
 
Plan: IF Fung/LC Westman/Primal
Stats: 222/171/169 Female 5' 9"
BF:45%/25.3%/24%
Progress: 96%
Location: NC
Default

I am with Kristine on this, but if you do want to give him some studies on exercise, and to help YOU understand how futile Exercise is for weight loss, here are a few short articles:

Diet is the key to good health, and without a foundation of Real Food, chronic cardio exercise does Not lead to weight loss. This was explained in a short British Medical Journal article “You Can’t Out Run a Bad Diet” linked within this further informative article on energy balance. https://idmprogram.com/exercise-is-...gy-expenditure/


One author of the BMJ article is the famous South African marathoner and sports/exercise scientist, Dr. Tim Noakes, who has many talks and books about elite endurance athletes and low carb diets. Another author, the renown UK cardiologist Dr. Aseem Malhotra, wrote “Physical activity has a multitude of health benefits — it reduces the risk of heart disease, Type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure and possibly even cancer — but weight loss is not one of them.” in his short Washington Post article, Take Off That Fitbit. https://www.washingtonpost.com/post...m=.5f853796175a. Here it is in a nutshell:

Quote:
Our waistlines aren’t expanding because people aren’t exercising intelligently or vigorously enough. You don’t need a new personal trainer, another Insanity workout video or a more aggressive CrossFit regimen.

What you need is the truth, and here it is:

Exercise — no matter how many gym memberships you buy or how often you wear your Fitbit — won’t make you lose weight.


When YOU are ready to lose weight, my suggestion would be to try a very LC/Keto/Atkins Induction/Westman plan (without reward meals, not CAD, since that hasn’t worked you) and when you want to exercise....add some gentle walking, or swimming, whatever you have available that does not strain your joints or punish you beyond your current fitness level.

But it can be done with no exercise...Dr Westman has a powerful video case study with a woman confined to a wheelchair, lost 50 pounds paralyzed from chest down. https://youtu.be/DR2c3yWnfLI

Wishing you all the best,

Last edited by JEY100 : Thu, Jul-18-19 at 05:35.
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  #6   ^
Old Thu, Jul-18-19, 05:27
DaisyDawn's Avatar
DaisyDawn DaisyDawn is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 250
 
Plan: lc
Stats: 178/123.6/130 Female 66
BF:
Progress: 113%
Default

From my own experience, and also hanging out on diet/fitness forums for around 7 years now, exercise has very little to do with weight-99% of weight management comes from the kitchen, (and in my case it was 100% since I lost my original 50lbs with no exercise factored in at all). Yes, exercise is good for overall health but in terms of weight loss it plays a very minimal part.

I'm assuming he wants you be doing intense exercise for weight loss? If so, you need to nicely tell him that it doesn't really make a significant impact. However, him supporting you in your low carb diet will
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  #7   ^
Old Thu, Jul-18-19, 06:39
Sniggle Sniggle is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 221
 
Plan: General Low Carb
Stats: 208.6/189.8/190 Male 73.5
BF:
Progress: 101%
Location: West Virginia
Default

I hesitate to comment, but seems you need a guy's perspective. Guys often are goal and results focused....talking and feelings are secondary. Just the way many of us are hard wired. I suspect he just wants to see 'progress' towards you becoming the active partner he married, whether fair or not. Or at least he needs to have confidence that you are making changes.

Seems you have 3 choices:
- Do nothing to change your eating habits/activity level
- Change your eating habits/activity level for yourself
- Change your eating habits/activity level for your relationship

The latter choice will involve two things: 1. You must actually start to work extremely hard to address the weight, and low carb is a great way to do it; 2. You must explain to him your plan and get him on board to support it.

He wants you to exercise probably because a) He thinks that will result in weight loss (not a big factor), b) He understands that exercise is good for overall health, c) He wants to have an active partner who can do things with him.

Exercise, as some have mentioned, is not the key to weight loss, but it will help to reshape your body as you drop the weight.

Good Luck, I truly wish you well!

(My wife (who has done a great job of staying fit) a couple years back started to tell me she really disliked that I looked pregnant...yes cruel, yes truthful. I used that as motivation to lose 35 lbs, and used those efforts to convince her to let my son and i go on a Mt Rainier adventure. Still working to keep the gut at bay, but happier I am where I am now)

Last edited by Sniggle : Thu, Jul-18-19 at 06:52.
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  #8   ^
Old Thu, Jul-18-19, 12:08
CityGirl8 CityGirl8 is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 752
 
Plan: Protein Power, IF
Stats: 238/204/145 Female 5'8"
BF:53.75%/46.6%/25%
Progress: 37%
Location: PNW
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by LaydJ
When I tried to commit to 15 minutes a day of moderate movement, he didn't think it was enough.
This is excellent! I try to do something like Pilates, bodyweight strength training or a walk every day. When I started this last February, I was only doing about 10 minutes a day. Now I do between 15 and 20, but I'm not really interested in doing much more than that. There's no reason to go from zero to 60 (or 90). Moderate exercise that builds muscle and helps lower blood sugar is the best option to support weight loss.

I really like Mark Sisson's approach to exercise:
Quote:
As I’ve suggested before, our society has come to worship a chronic cardio model as the beacon of fitness. It follows that low level aerobic activity appears to do nothing but fall short – a weak attempt at the “real” thing. Worse yet, it’s an attitude that makes the fitness quest seem like an all or nothing proposition. No pain, no gain. Total bunkum. Sure, the Primal Blueprint model incorporates low level aerobic activity as part of a larger picture along with strength and “sprint” interval training. The PB fitness model, however, is built upon that low level foundation.
See more at his website: https://www.marksdailyapple.com/hea...erate-exercise/

Quote:
Originally Posted by LaydJ
What should I say/do?
Well, my first reaction was to tell him to f-off. He said, "Honey, I think you should try to exercise more." You said, "I think you're right. I'm not feeling fit, but I'll start with 15 minutes a day." His response was "That's not good enough"?!? That is rude, unsupportive, controlling, and offensive in so many ways.

If you want a some what politer response to someone who is being an a-hole, then try "Well, I'll decide what's good enough for me. Don't be rude and unsupportive when I already agreed with you."
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  #9   ^
Old Thu, Jul-18-19, 12:44
Grav Grav is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 1,046
 
Plan: Banting
Stats: 302/187/187 Male 175cm
BF:
Progress: 100%
Location: New Zealand
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by LaydJ
I think if I can get my eating under control and lose some weight then I can do more exercise. I think I will have more energy and won't have all this fat flopping around.

Based on my own experience, I'd say you're exactly right.

In April 2015 I started walking to work and back, a 5km/3mi round trip. Over the next six months I lost 5kg/11lb.

Then in October 2015 I started a low carb diet while continuing the walking. Over the next six months I lost another 26kg/57lb.

Now, assuming that the continued walking accounted for another 5kg/11lb out of that 26kg/57lb figure, that means the low carb diet alone resulted in 21kg/46lb of weight loss during that period. That would make the diet more than four times as effective as the exercise, and of course, it also made the exercise itself considerably easier with time as I wasn't carrying around so much extra weight anymore.

As Jeff Volek and Stephen Phinney said in their 2011 book The Art and Science of Low Carbohydrate Living: "exercise is a wellness tool, not a weight loss tool." And as many others have also paraphrased it over the years: "you can't outrun a bad diet."
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  #10   ^
Old Thu, Jul-18-19, 12:49
LaydJ LaydJ is offline
Registered Member
Posts: 58
 
Plan: Protein Power
Stats: 200/200/125 Female 5'1"
BF:
Progress: 0%
Default

Kristine, he isn't abusive or mocking. He just states his opinion. He just has that traditional mindset that exercising a lot will make you lose weight. I just couldn't figure out a way to make him understand that his opinion is not necessarily true. But the comments here have given me some ideas.

Jey100, You did make me think about CAD. It may not be the best choice for me. I know the book says the program is for true carb addicts, but it kind of seems like it would work better for people who aren't carb addicts. I don't know. I am considering doing a different plan.

Sniggle, thank you for commenting! You are right. He is a man of action and likes to see results. In his mind, if he can't see noticeable changes then it probably isn't working (which it isn't), but his solution is to do more or get more intense. Your words really started to make me think. I know the problem is not the exercise but my diet. If I can get some of the fat off, just enough for him to notice, I think the exercise will become a non issue. I could just keep working with the food part and let the exercise fall into place.
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  #11   ^
Old Thu, Jul-18-19, 13:00
Ms Arielle's Avatar
Ms Arielle Ms Arielle is online now
Senior Member
Posts: 11,055
 
Plan: atkins
Stats: 247/217/153 Female 5'8"
BF:
Progress: 32%
Location: Massachusetts
Default

CAD does not work for me. I trialed it two different times-- it causes cravings. DANDR, no sugar, VLC was best for me AND easy to do.

Do you know about Dr WESTMANS protocol? SImple very effect no guess work, very limited food choices to ensure a great start for every one of his patients.

Im sure it is posted here somewhere.
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  #12   ^
Old Thu, Jul-18-19, 16:49
LaydJ LaydJ is offline
Registered Member
Posts: 58
 
Plan: Protein Power
Stats: 200/200/125 Female 5'1"
BF:
Progress: 0%
Default

I have read the Atkins book and Protein Power, but it has been a while.
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  #13   ^
Old Thu, Jul-18-19, 19:19
Ms Arielle's Avatar
Ms Arielle Ms Arielle is online now
Senior Member
Posts: 11,055
 
Plan: atkins
Stats: 247/217/153 Female 5'8"
BF:
Progress: 32%
Location: Massachusetts
Default

I kept a copy by me the first year-- reading and rereading. Full of tidbits that are easy to miss or forget ......

Hope you can sort out this business with DH so you can get on the road to health asap!!
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  #14   ^
Old Fri, Jul-19-19, 07:46
WereBear's Avatar
WereBear WereBear is online now
Posts: 11,722
 
Plan: Epi-Paleo/IF
Stats: 220/136/150 Female 67
BF:
Progress: 120%
Location: USA
Default

I recently lost 30 pounds with NO exercise at all. In fact when I started I was very sick and barely dragging myself through the day.

I would be truthful but diplomatic: if he's never been overweight, especially as a woman, he's got no experience to offer. I would also point out previous attempts at following conventional advice (like his) has gotten you worse, not better.

It's time for you to choose your way.

I went down to Atkins Induction levels, and below! for amazing health results. That's what the weight loss is really about: my body is working better, and I am giving it better fuel.
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  #15   ^
Old Fri, Jul-19-19, 09:47
Nancy LC's Avatar
Nancy LC Nancy LC is offline
Experimenter
Posts: 45,373
 
Plan: Paleo 99.5%
Stats: 210/170/160 Female 67.5"
BF:
Progress: 80%
Location: San Diego, CA
Default

This is why I never married. I'm with Kristine.

My body is VERY resistant to weight loss probably due to trying to lose weight for all these years. So I'm off that bandwagon. My new goal is to regain my fitness, fight my arthritis, and try to maintain my health into my retirement years. I'm watching what my sister is going through and decided I have to do the opposite of her.
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