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  #16   ^
Old Wed, Jul-16-14, 17:55
Verbena Verbena is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 1,056
 
Plan: My own
Stats: 186/155/150 Female 5'4"
BF:
Progress: 86%
Location: SW PNW
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Some people, maybe most, need to feel some personal connection to what is being spoken of. Your weight loss has been fantastic, but for the people you are talking to they need to personalize it for them to feel they have something valid to say. Not having to do with weight loss, but I had a similar feeling to yours (actually, sad, not angry) years ago when talking with my mother about a fantastic trip my DH and I had just taken to Peru. My mother was a well traveled woman, but had never been to Hispanic America, and really had no desire to do so. She could not connect with what I was saying! I don't remember if she shifted the conversation to different trips that she could relate to, but I do remember vividly how hurt I was that she seemed to have no interest at all in what had been a memorable time for me.
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  #17   ^
Old Wed, Jul-16-14, 22:30
pazia pazia is offline
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Posts: 374
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 00/00/00 Female 00
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Quasimodo
But about the OP, I think that it can feel very insulting when "the thin people" add their 2 cents in about their 'few pounds to lose' because it seems like their journey is so much shorter than ours. I tend to be the type that feels like shorter journey=less important than a long one, but I do try not to think that way.


This is a good point -- they haven't taken the journey. Saying they should lose a few pounds too is a casual remark and seems to efface the effort and commitment of transforming a truly overweight state of being through long-term low-carbing. People who haven't "been there" also don't realize how heartbreaking and sometimes life-threatening our condition can become. It IS a journey with spiritual as well as emotional aspects and it's deep. Someone who's never had a weight problem saying they should lose weight too to my mind seems to efface our reality and thus I agree it can be slighting or infuriating.

But I can also understand someone feeling awkward discussing diet or weight loss with an overweight person. I think Whofan's suggestion to just say "thank you" and move on is elegant. Sometimes people just don't know what to say or how to be tactful.
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  #18   ^
Old Thu, Jul-17-14, 00:20
Molly B's Avatar
Molly B Molly B is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 828
 
Plan: Low Carb/High Fat
Stats: 271/262.6/170 Female 5'4"
BF:
Progress: 8%
Location: North central HOT Florida
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I guess you guys are right. I should just walk away, or change the subject... trying to understand my bad moods about this.... I guess it's going to take me a while to get over this! Look, I'm up at 2 a.m., still frustrated!
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  #19   ^
Old Fri, Jul-18-14, 17:20
WereBear's Avatar
WereBear WereBear is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 14,602
 
Plan: EpiPaleo/Primal/LowOx
Stats: 220/125/150 Female 67
BF:
Progress: 136%
Location: USA
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I totally understand the anger and frustration. Because they are belittling the effort it has taken you.

It is a wonderful accomplishment and I know... I've lost about as much and I am also "this close" to goal. So when I say that, you know I know what it's like, how long you've been struggling, and how much it took.

It's very dismissive to compare that accomplishment to someone who is stressing over five extra pounds no one else can even see.

But until they invent a magic hammer that lets us pound sense into people's heads, there's nothing we can do about it.

So do what I do... instead of getting angry, I just think "If only I had my magic sense hammer," and it makes me smile at them in a way that worries them, just a little.

And we're both happy.
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  #20   ^
Old Fri, Jul-25-14, 10:49
s-piper s-piper is offline
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Posts: 694
 
Plan: LC Primal
Stats: 290/270/160 Female 5'7
BF:
Progress: 15%
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Molly B
Imagine if you were a poor person, and your 'friend' was RICH, mind blowing rich-- and every time you expressed how DIFFICULT it was to make the ends meet, to keep the lights on and the water HOT---THEY TOO mentioned how HARD it was for them. BULLSH*T I say!! BULLSH*T!


Yeah, I see your point, but another way to look at it is what if they really were in financial trouble? I grew up in a fairly well-off area, and had friends who's parents made six figure salaries, but were up to their eyeballs in debt and did struggle to make ends meet even-though they made a lot of money. Yeah, you could say it's their own fault that they managed their money poorly...but that'd be like telling an overweight person it's their own fault they gained weight.
Both statements are true, but don't make the reality of living with it and the struggle to fix those problems it any less difficult.

I admit it really annoys a part of me even when I see people on this board who are talking about the problems they're having losing weight when their stats say that their goal weight is 120 and their current weight is 130. Oh my, what a difference THAT is, how hard their life must be.
However, I also try to reign myself in because the point isn't how I feel about their weight, it's how they feel about it and I don't have the right to say that they aren't fat enough to talk about needing to lose weight.
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  #21   ^
Old Fri, Jul-25-14, 11:26
Quasimodo's Avatar
Quasimodo Quasimodo is offline
The Patient Loser
Posts: 1,457
 
Plan: LCHF/keto
Stats: 165/159/135 Female 65.5 inches
BF:
Progress: 20%
Location: Riverside County, CA
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Quote:
Originally Posted by s-piper
Yeah, I see your point, but another way to look at it is what if they really were in financial trouble? I grew up in a fairly well-off area, and had friends who's parents made six figure salaries, but were up to their eyeballs in debt and did struggle to make ends meet even-though they made a lot of money. Yeah, you could say it's their own fault that they managed their money poorly...but that'd be like telling an overweight person it's their own fault they gained weight.
Both statements are true, but don't make the reality of living with it and the struggle to fix those problems it any less difficult.

I admit it really annoys a part of me even when I see people on this board who are talking about the problems they're having losing weight when their stats say that their goal weight is 120 and their current weight is 130. Oh my, what a difference THAT is, how hard their life must be.
However, I also try to reign myself in because the point isn't how I feel about their weight, it's how they feel about it and I don't have the right to say that they aren't fat enough to talk about needing to lose weight.


Yes, this. I am one of those who is closer to goal weight, not by 10lbs, but closer than many on this board are. I have, however, been through a weight loss journey before where I lost 40lbs, then settled with a33lb loss for years, only to have the weight come back because I didn't make it a lifestyle. It is a struggle, even if the pounds to lose aren't as many as someone else's.

I tend to think the answer is just to try to understand that me talking about my measly extra 30lbs and lamenting about slow losses could be offensive to others, and try to be sensitive to that. And perhaps the person who I'm talking to (figuratively, not anyone here) might try to understand that even though my issue isn't as grave as theirs might be, it is still an issue I have struggled with for years, making it a hard thing in my life. Maybe it's too idealistic, but I like to think we could get along better if we could try to understand each other.
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  #22   ^
Old Tue, Aug-19-14, 08:41
CaliRocker CaliRocker is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 138
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 191/151/121 Female 5 ft 3 in
BF:
Progress: 57%
Location: Fairfield, California
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It doesn't really bother me. As humans, we are always trying to better ourselves by learning more, becoming more fit, looking for a better job/promotion, etc. Another thing is that some people are just never happy with their body and are going to think they need to lose a couple more pounds all the time. You can't change the way they think.
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