Same for me. Its as if at times there is a constant anxiety, tense. Food is an outlet for that. I can't yell at everyone about everything, throw things with frustration, but eat instead. I don't hurt anyone else with remarks, being "mean" etc. Its seems like a never ending battle that is extremely frustrating and can't control. I've known for a long long time that hurting myself with food doesn't change that the kids are slobs, release the tension, or make me totally happy, but i do it anyway.

I know that some people are for therapy and some think it's a waste of time. Up until this last year, I was of the latter. But I have made a lot of progress in therapy. Being a young child in a house where there was yelling, drinking and violence: turns out that I was/am suffering from post traumatic stress syndrome. It's taking me some time to 1)admit that this is really me 2)understand the severe damage that has happened from my childhood 3)be able to still love my parents and protect them and still know that bad things happened. What I'm saying is that as a young kid, food started to be a comfort to me. It was a constant in a very unstable enviroment. My enviroment is not like that today but old tapes/feelings run deep and changing that is going to take time and practice AND faith!!!

Zero days clean again.

I'm alone. It wasn't a good thing at first. I binged for an hour straight. I wont go into detail about it, just enormous amounts of food that have left me feeling sick and to the point of vomiting that I almost wish it would just happen. I binged again yesterday. Hiding food, sneaking food, eating food..the constant look around doors, check bathrooms, etc. to see if people were watching. Telling Brian has done absolutely nothing to deter me from eating at all. It has just made it so I have to be craftier at hiding it and faster.

Last night I binged and at the end I brazenly walked into the bedroom with a bowl of chips after he brought a bag his chips to bed with dip. I don't know what made me do it. I came in and he goes "Whatcha got there, what are you eating?" This was after I had eaten and apple and a few other snacks in front of him and had binged before he got home, then at dinner (huge dinner). I told him "I'm eating what ever the hell I want is what I am eating"

He seemed taken aback by what I said..he goes why would you do that, is that a good idea? I pointedly told him, I've already eaten enough for 5 people while you were gone. So Brian tells me, "So, that means your just gonna give up and say the hell with it like it doesn't matter anymore?" Told him yes it does. He tells me Fine, I'll put mine up, I'm done anyway.

I am sure that he felt some guilt thinking what he was eating had something to do with it. He doesn't understand the binging no matter what i tell him. I was mean and then told him.."If its any easier for you I can go back into the pantry and sneak it so you don't have to watch me eat it, like I have done all day." I think that shocked Brian. I don't think even though he knows, its like he doesn't know. I told him just cause you don't see it doesn't mean it doesn't happen. But, if it makes it easier to you I can go hide. I was being bitchy, really was and trying to make my point. He just got up and put his food away.

I was too embarrassed to really eat those chips in front of him anyway, but I am sure mentally I was just trying to get a point across. I didn't eat a single one while he was around but when he went to the bathroom i ate some then put them away.

Unfor. I had spent the entire morning making plans in my head that maybe I just need to fast for a couple days and get control of these binges again. It all sounded good. Planned on it. Had glorious results already going on in my mind about how wonderful it would work, how free I would be of the binges. The next thing you know Brian is in the shower and I am eating the last of my snickers peanut butter bars I kept hidden in the bed. Every last one of them..eating as fast as I could..then got into his stuff, ate a few pieces of candy i don't like, then got the chips from last night, at those and the rest of them, then 10 cookies, and 3 brownies. Yup, that idea of fasting sure is working.

I have been doing some more research online about binge eating and discovered that it is very common occurrence. It generally will pop up like a lion in someone who has been dieting and controlled eating for years successfully. My lc lifestyle was started to help control those cravings and binges. It worked for 3 years, then backslide..until Nov. when i completely fell off the wagon. What I have noticed is it is worse than every before. I can gain 12 lbs in 9 days after 2 days of binging.

I have decided that just the support groups online, the reading books, trying to get help from my spouse who doesn't understand it is a mental condition and nothing to do with dieting, I am going it alone. I am going to make an appointment Monday mornign with a dr. to talk about medication. There are numerous meds on the market that have helped with binge eating an dI'm not goign to take no for an answer. Some of you may not agree with this decision but it is time for me.

I realize that there are risks of medication. I am not one to jump on taking meds. But, I can't get control of this alone anymore. It continues to grown and weaken me to a point that I am afraid its going to be a daily thing. I am looking for something that helps me cope and learn to cope..take the craving and need to binge away or lessen it while I learn to manage it again and control it. I don't plan on being medicated for ever..but I need something and I am no longer going to deny it that I need it.

There is a med called topamax that has shown incredible results and promise for people who have binged there entire life. There can be side effects for people. I am willing to try it and see how it goes. I am likening it to taking Chantax when people try to quit smoking. Eventually, it changes your behavior, your response to smoking, slowly you quit. You don't have to take the med your entire life. Some people take topamax and remain on it, others don't. I am going to make an appointment Monday and request a med. I have been keeping a food diary, and diary of binges and behaviors..it shows the increasing of them and the increase in food intake. The amount of calories range from 3000 in one binge up to 6000 in another..on top of regular meals. Also, notes on amount of weight gained after these binges. Average, 7-10 lbs in 3 days.

I'm glad you are seeking help. Sometimes the risks of medication are outweighed by the damage you may be doing to yourself without it. I don't think you need to defend your choice to anyone. You are taking action towards change and that's what matters. Best wishes!

Thank you so much pink. I had my last binge hours ago. Ive lost what little control ive had my binge journal show decrees in time between lapses and increases in amount of intake. The emotional issue is one thing but the physical part, stomach issues gas digestive issues mouth throat. Pain and swelling. It is all worse and I am ill for days after a binge. Then I am in extreme weiht loss mode and anxiety trying to drop what lbs ive gained from the binge. If I didn't have the binges I honestly eat healthy and would be fine. I am hoping my Dr takes it seriously. I'm embarrassed but know I need help now not later ive joined support groups read all the books I can find journalese and self relaxation and meditation. Nothing works and it is worse so I am comfortable in the thought of finally seeking medical help. I will keep you all posted on how it foes. It is bigger than me and more than just thinking about food or eating. Its not normal its definately a mental issue like that part of the brain is over stimulated and I binge.

Yes, you are doing the right thing! Best wishes! You will succeed!

Thank you so much. You all don't know what your support means. I feel like a huge burden has been lifted deciding to get medical help. I started this thread to have others to talk with and share this issue with. I have found I am not alone. It doesn't make me a bad person or weak having this problem

. This thread has helped me understand it is a medical issue, that I have a serios condition, and that I can not fix it alone. I am stronger admitting I need help. Its a step in the right direction, admitting it.

. My thought is I have been trying to just deal more with how binging makes me feel and trying to stop the binge while I didn't have the correct tools or all of them. I feel like all ive been doing is documenting the binge not stopping it. The medication isn't going to fix the problem but it miht be a correct tool in this fight, and give me the confidence mentally. Who knows.

I made an appointment today for 1:30. I am hoping my Dr listens to me. I am embarrassed and anxious but am hoping this will help me so doing it. I'm tired of suffering with this.

Good work! I think bringing your journals will really help. I think every doctor will ask you to keep a journal for each and every issue surrounding food so you are already one step ahead.

While you are there, maybe you could ask if there is a way for you to educate DH so that he can really understand what is going on and learn to work with you. Maybe a support group or therapist around? I think you could really use some good support at home and he just doesn't know how to do this.

Mainecyn - You are doing the right thing. Admitting that there is a problem and seeking help...are very positive steps. you are not alone. You're very brave to seek help! This is the beginning of your road to recovery!

Thank you guys so very much for the support. I have been talking to myself all morning trying to remind myself that I know this dr. he isn't judgmental, and is going to want what is best for me..but I have terrible thoughts about him turning me down for the prescription.

Try to remember this during your visit. It could help you open up more to him. The more he knows, the easier and better it will be to help you.

This will also be something good to remember if he wants to try a different treatment plan than what you have in mind. He may not have a lot of knowledge in eating disorders and may need to research it more, or may want to try something different first, or he may want you to see someone else with more experience and let them make the choices.

There are many reasons why he may want to do something, but if you really think the pills are the best treatment for you then bring along as much info about it as you can, and if he doesn't want to try them right away ask him to take a look at your research and reconsider for the next time you come back to talk to him about it.

My youngest sister (we have different fathers) went through years and years of horrible pain. From my research it was related to a genetic disease in her father's side of the family. My mom told me all the doctors said "It can't be from that because it only affects the males." Finally, she let me come to the ER with her and my sister during one of her attacks. I brought along handfuls of printouts that specified "it affects mostly males". It took a few hours of convincing them and them doing their own research but before we left we had an appointment with a specialist in the field. If I hadn't brought along the research that wouldn't have happened. (Oh, and it was what I thought it was. Now she needs to run a bunch of tests yearly so that if there are any problems they can deal with it quickly and hopefully avoid more damage.)

Mainecyn - also try to remember that this is a sickness. Not a weakness in you. Doctors don't judge someone when they have an ulcer. Your situation is no different. Just go in with an open mind and be honest with your doctor. This is good stuff!!

I went to the Dr slipped my guts so he would totally understand. I had all my research, info, and journals. Dr said of course he would write the prescription. He said you could tell I put a lot of thought into it and because of all I had brought with me he had no problem writing the script. My Dr says he has not heard of the use of the med. I also opened the Dr eyes to binge eating. He said he hasn't heard much about it more about bulimia but know that we talked and the info I gave him he said he is positive a few.other patients are suffering from it as well. They talk about not being able to stop over eating he didn't put the two together before that they are probably binge eating. I kinds opened his eyes to a new version of eating disorders don't know if that's a good thing or bad. Anyway I start the med tonight and we developed a plan on taking the medication and increasing doseage weekly while he monitors me. Lots of side effects possible. Wants to watch me. I feel relief like I mint be able to be normal and not be controlled by my binging anymore. But, I am nervous and scared as well. I start taking 25 Mg at bedtime first because one side effect can be extreme tiredness or sluggishness

Good for you! I asked for medication years ago to help with my binging and my dr. told me moderation is the key, oh, and exercise. I walked away and never went back to him. I don't think they know what to do with binging, so I'm glad you found a dr. with an open mind and getting the help you need.