I'm 56, been hugely overweight in the past and one third lost to date. I've been celibate for ten years and met my love a year ago. I keep him at bay because I have vast amounts of loose skin.

I can't ever afford plastic surgery and don't believe in any other way. He tells me to trust him and that he'll understand. I think I'm loveable but I can't ever see my body as attractive. I don't know if I'll ever let any man near me again. Yet I don't feel ready to give up on that side of things.

I'm thinking in terms of basques and other forms of camouflage; you can see I'm getting desperate

I'd really appreciate advice (on or off list, as it's a bit of a sensitive subject) from anyone who's faced this problem, or any men with partners who have the same.

What's a basque?

I have loose skin but I don't have the issue of finding it unlovable so I kind of don't know how I could ease your mind. My guy also said it didn't matter and he totally acted that way too. He wasn't just saying.

If it really bothers you that much - did you know - I heard that Harborview Medical Center in Washington State will do skin tightening for free so they can reuse the skin in other medical treatments.

Oh my goodness -- please try to trust your man. Life is too short!
Sooooo, make the room dark, light a candle, and enjoy yourself. Wishing you much happiness . . . and lots of romance ! Alma

I totally agree live is to short, If he really cares about you your body should not matter, Enjoy one another,

Thank you so much for all your replies

Seejay, I'm sure you know a basque by another name. It's a very attractive kind of antique corset that takes a long time to get in or out of due to all the laces, hooks or buttons. Hides a lot of sins

Thank you for tip about the free surgery. It's good to think that the skin would be going to help others. But I live in another country.

I am heartened to hear about your beau. I never take notice of what people say when they're in love but always of what they do. So the way your guy acts is the best way to read his heart

Alma. I trust him in every other way. In the end I think it's more to do with how I feel about my body than the way he does.

I think that for the first time I might forego even the candles But he'll make up for that as he's more romantic than I am.

Thanks for your good wishes; life is too short, as you say, and much too short to spend on keeping joy at bay through fear of rejection.

Debbie. It's the core of it really. At the moment I believe he loves me. Once he knows what my body is like there's a chance that he won't love me anymore (or never did in the first place), and that's what's keeping me in this stasis.

He's in defence and away for twelve weeks now, and I've decided to take the plunge when he returns. So I'm continuing to lose weight and stepping up my weight training. It won't help the loose skin much but at least I can knock him out if he rejects me

Again, many thanks to you all. You've helped me make the decision to be brave. I'll let you know how it goes when he gets back. Well, not it detail, of course

Ooo I really hope you go through with it! And darling I KNOW he won't stop loving you! He'll love you more for TRUSTING him and lol he's a MAN, he's gonna be thrilled to be getting some and isn't going to have the presense of mind to care about anything but how happy he is to finaly get to be with you!

If you're still scared when it comes down to it and you need a little confidence then heck yeah, go for the corset - but I guarantee he'll get it off! ;D When I used to be super nervous about how I looked I wore a corset PLUS thigh-high (almost to the crotch) stockings to cover everything up, and eventually just went with less and less Or even just a short nightgown - less restrictive - what ever you need to do to take that first step, and after that your confidance will grow!

I'm SO thinking happy thoughts for you!!

Fortunately, men give pretty obvious hints of whether they are attracted to their mate, excited or not, etc... and it's not one they can fake so you'll have very obvious proof of whether your guy is enjoying being with you.

Your nerves are proably a bigger obstacle than any of his objections. Some men truly love you for what you are and not for what you look like. Is it possible you're creating problems when there might not be any at the time?
I had a bunch of loose skin around my tummy, which I hate and can't stand for anybody to touch. Really though, our bodies don't define who and what we are. My guy probably wouldn't have notice if I hadn't said anything to him (bless his heart lol, he's oblivious to a lot of this "female stuff").

Fortune cookie once read "Worry does nothing for the problems of tomorrow, and only sucks the joy out of today."

Men are visual creatures, yes. But many are also just grateful to be in the presence of a naked woman with the possibility of sex! Pregnancy did a real number on my stomach, lots of loose skin and stretch marks. DH didn't care. Then I had a tummy tuck so now I have the scar from hip to hip, a weird looking belly button (IMO) and still lots of stretch marks. He still doesn't care. He's just happy any time I'm willing to get intimate. I wouldn't worry about it, and say go for it!

Ask God to set aside what you think you know and to help you have a new experience with this. You will probably see that you are depriving your guy a chance to show his love for you. You don't want to do that, I'm sure. I wish you well.
Art

Lindy, I like the gradual approach with the stockings and the basque (takes me back to the days when I used to wear such things for fun instead of camouflage ) I'll just have to trust that he likes the whole present once the wrapping's off

Voo, very good point about men's inbuilt indicators. I'd completely forgotten about that - shows that it's been way too long .

I can't see my body as attractive so I can't understand how he can, so out of fear of rejection I've been denying him the chance to prove me wrong. It's so good to hear about loving men like your guy who really don't mind.

I like your fortune cookie. It's like the one about the old lady who said she'd had a lot of troubles in her life, and most of them had never happened.

Elizabeth, great to hear that you too, have a good man

If my love can get over the visual aspects there won't be any other problems. I'm confident what happens next. It's been a long time but I don't seem to have forgotten how it goes

Art, you're right, I've been basing my fears more on how I think men in general would react to my body rather then how my man would.

I'm also depriving myself of the chance to show him how much I love him.

Many thanks to all of you for all the help and encouragement

He's been faithful, patient, loving and courteous for a year now, never putting any pressure on me, so finally getting there should be a memorable occasion for us both

Yes, I'm still terrified of rejection, and will probably rely on Dutch Courage to get me there But I will.

your post reminded me of today's exciting news in the Miami Herald. it made me laugh: The Associated Press

"MIAMI -- A group of male manatees' pursuit of a female got the sea mammals stranded in a shallow canal near the Miami International Airport.

Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission spokesman Jorge Pino says four or five male manatees were trying to mate with a female when she swam into a dead-end canal Monday."

males will do anything for nookie!

Ain't that the truth!

You've gotten so much good advice and support already, but I wanted to put my two pennies in too......

After three C-sections (during which time I was normal weight, but all three babies were over 10 lbs.) and then my 80 pound weight gain when perimenopause slammed into me, and my subsequent weight loss - I don't have lots of loose skin, but the skin on my tummy looks like Wharf's head. Really. If you don't know what that means, google him - he was a Klingon on Star Trek

And my husband could not care less. He loves me being naked with him! So yes, go for it, trust, enjoy.

If you have been together for a year already you must know that he loves you for more than your looks?

Trust.

Also realise that enthusiasm goes a long way.

Pilotgal, Love the manatee story

Moondaught, Thanks for the encouragement. I have to admit that if I hadn't seen Star Trek I would have thought that Wharf's Head was part of one of the lovely old harbours you have over there. Well, the parts by the sea, that is

As for being naked, well, I wasn't celibate all my life, and I'm not unadventurous, but even when my body was close-on perfect I never got naked with anyone while the lights were on, so I can't put that inhibition down to my current problems. It would be ironic if I managed it this time when my body was at its worst

But I wouldn't go back to being young again if I could. Love at this age feels richer and deeper than anything I felt when I was younger. Sounds like you and your husband have just that kind of love

Sandollar, You're right. I know he loves me for myself, which is the lovely thing about being older, and I never was good looking.

He says he knows my body is far from perfect, but that no amount of talking will change things. He wants to prove that it doesn't matter to him, so I'm now counting the weeks until he gets back.

As for enthusiasm, well, I'm inhibited about nakedness, but not a prude, and after a decade of celibacy there will be no lack of enthusiasm on my part