I hate feeling limited and I hate being alone in this world.
Living in the fittest province in Canada doesn't help.

I hate:

- that my size has become a political issue.
- that well-meaning people say that awful line, "You have such a pretty face; you'd be gorgeous if you lost weight."
- that when I travel overseas, I reinforce the stereotype of the obese American.
- that some great men I dated took a lot of crap from their judgmental friends about me.
- that I had to dress neater and work harder to be considered as professional as my smaller colleagues.
- that some people think I'm lazy when I don't walk or climb stairs as quickly as they do. I wonder how fast they'd go carrying an extra 100 lbs?
- that clothes aren't made to fit or flatter my shape.
- that I don't look on the outside like I feel on the inside.

But that's all changing, day by day. Woo-hoo!

I just thought of something else that gets me mad.

In ELEVEN YEARS...not ONE member of my family has EVER asked me about my job...or looked at my website....but EVERY time I go visit...the first thing they ask about is my weight and how much have I lost, etc.

This has been very cathartic for me. I hate that because I'm fat I haven't seen my mother in over a year and she lives 8 minutes from me. The first thing out of her mouth would be you don't look that bad...even though i know I look like crap! I do talk to her on the phone, however...

It's true that "fattism" is the last form of acceptable prejudice in our society because people view it as a character flaw. We have more compassion for drug addicts or alcholics than we do for people who are overweight.

I have noticed, as I've gone from a size 26/28 to a size 16 that complete strangers treat me differently now - even though I am no diferent than I have ever been (other than my size). But what can you expect? Fat jokes are still perfectly okay to make - I hear them all of the time.

What's funny is that I have not really had a bunch of self-image issues in spite of my weight - I dealt with those years ago. I've always been pretty emotionally healthy - so I've sort of been able to sit back and watch others deal with their emotional issues as they related to my weight. Several years ago, before I met my husband, I dated a guy who really liked me - he thought I was intelligent, funny, sexy. But boy did he struggle with my weight. In the end, he was just so "proud" of himself that he was a "big enough" man to be with a fat chick - and I've got to tell you - this guy wasn't exactly teeny himself. Ultimately, this was what did him in - the fact that he thought he was so great that he could be mangnanimous and get beyond the whole fat chick aspect of me. I figured either you like me or you don't - the whole package - and if you feel like you're having to "get beyond" some aspect of me, then fugeddaboudit....after all, his weight didn't bother me. Heart, soul and mind last a lifetime....looks fade. It was just all so frickin' shallow.

The good news is that, as we get less fat, we can treat people who still have weight issues like human beings because we've been there. Who knows - maybe the kindness and compassion could be contagious.

Well said Whammie, as I tip toe out the room to weep....

That's one of the things that sticks in my craw. I'm no fan of political correctness and legislated courtesy, but these seem to be everywhere. I have a horrible memory of being out on a date when the trailer for the movie "Shallow Hal" was shown. Sure, the message of that film was supposed to be some pablum about seeing the beauty inside of people, but they shoved in every fat joke they could in the process. I felt as if someone had turned a spotlight on over my seat. My date visibly twitched. My cheeks burned and then the dam burst: tears of humiliation, rage, and shame poured down my face and dripped off my chin while I tried not to wipe them away and draw more attention to myself.

Mind you, I rarely felt any self-esteem problems related to my weight. I think I'm fabulous, no matter my size! I still find it appalling that hateful fat jokes surround us everywhere, and their tellers aren't aware of how cruel they really are. (Some do, but those tactless types who would whisper a racist joke have no problem shouting out a fat joke to anyone in hearing range.)

The slapping noise I make when running naked through the house being chased by my husband.

I hate going to a "Big Men's Store" to buy clothes.

I hate the Fatalog that arrives monthly from the "Big Men's Store"

I hate the way people look at me when I order desert.

I hate having an MRI and having to wait weeks so I can go to a facility that has a table that will support "extra pounds"

I despise my in-laws but that really has nothing too do with being fat. I just thought I'd throw it in for good measure.

I hate my c-pap.

Man, after thinking about all the stuff I hate about being fat; I think being fat sucks. This is sort of inspirational. Thanks for the thread!

what I love about losing weight!

- crossing my legs
- being able to wear heels
- not having to wonder if i'll break a chair or get stuck in it
- not worrying if I can squeeze past someone at a theatre
- not needed extenders for seat belts
- not hearing people groan when they see i'm sitting next to them on a plane
- not worrying about what to wear to cover up my body
- not wondering if my PCOS will make me grow a beard!
- not having to hear, 'at this size, and your heart damage we only expect you to live 3 to 5 years'
and finally, hearing, "you have reversed your heart disease and are no longer borderline diabetic"

keep at it guys! you'll soon put all this crap behind you.

Great list, Pennink!

Thanks.

Mine...

Not getting out of breath walking up hill or up the stairs
Flying without a seatbelt extender
High heels!
People looking me in the eye in public
Not having dreams that I can't fit through doorways anymore
Playing soccer in the backyard with my kids
Not having to check weight limits on things like ladders and trampolines
Buying clothes in normal sizes
Not snoring anymore
No more chafing!
Being smaller than my husband

* not feeling like I have a tight jacket on all the time 'cause my arms are literally out-growing my skin

* being able to reach my but without getting winded when I'm washing it in the shower

* not having my belly sitting in my lap

* cutting my toenails without suffocating myself

* having people look at me with admiration and desire instead of getting that glazed, "you're so disgusting, I'm pretending I don't even see you" look

* feeling sexy and as a result, improving my sex life tremendously

* feeling empowered by my accomplishments, spurring me to do more and go further

* sitting down on the metro seat to find not only did my but not get squeezed by the side arm, but there's even extra room left over in the seat that my seatmate can make use of.

* having the lap bar go all the way down on amusement park rides

* geez, fitting into the seats at amusment park rides

* not having women look at me with my hunk of a hubby with a look of "what the HELL does he see in her", and I mean to the point that hubby notices it too.

* crossing my legs

* weighing less than hubby - may only be by 10 pounds, but I'll take it!!!

* not feeling bloated, stuffed and miserable all the time 'cause I can't seem to stop eating

* food finally losing it's "evil" label and becoming something I can enjoy without a bunch of horrible guilt

* buying my first bikini in years and looking half-way decent in it

* shopping in my own closet to find that I'm even a bit too small for many of my "skinny" clothes

* moving my focus finally from how 'fat and ugly I am' to who I am inside

C

I totally understand this one. I cut my toenails last night and could do it without straining and exhaling and holding my breath. It's wonderful.

How about tying shoes without feeling like your going to pass out? That one is great, too!

I leave mine tied for the most part and slip them on. It was too hard the other way.

But, I notice I can tie them much easier than I used to be able to.