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  #46   ^
Old Tue, Feb-19-02, 11:11
Stormy's Avatar
Stormy Stormy is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 180
 
Plan: Mostly Atkins these days
Stats: 260/225.9/175
BF:
Progress: 40%
Location: Tampa, FL
Default "ONE SIZE FITS ALL"

I thought of this last night, just as I was drifting off to sleep. I don't remember seeing it in any of the other posts, so I'll add this one to my list of peeves.

"ONE SIZE FITS ALL" clothing that definitely doesn't fit me!

Apparently this is not a new complaint and some manufacturers have changed their size labels to read, "ONE SIZE FITS MOST" instead.

That is enough to make me start muttering to myself, "Oh, yeah. . .one size fits MOST of me!"

(Nightwear manufacturers seem particularly guilty of this. I've seen many, many nightshirts that are really cute -- and wouldn't fit my 12 year old granddaughter!)
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  #47   ^
Old Tue, Feb-19-02, 16:19
offdawagon offdawagon is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 110
 
Plan: Heller(CALP)
Stats: 230/222/140
BF:
Progress: 9%
Location: Southwest Virginia
Default

*Laughing..Laughing...Laughing* How about "one size fits...ALMOST"
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  #48   ^
Old Tue, Feb-19-02, 18:46
Sinlaila's Avatar
Sinlaila Sinlaila is offline
Registered Member
Posts: 62
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 55.1/48.3/25
BF:
Progress: 23%
Location: Olympia, WA
Default

How about so called friends that make decisions for you (like ordering for you in a resturant) because they "have your best interests at heart"?
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  #49   ^
Old Tue, Feb-19-02, 19:36
Erin4980's Avatar
Erin4980 Erin4980 is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 563
 
Plan: Atkins/ Protein Power
Stats: 173/140/140 Female 69.5
BF:2ndX w/ Atkins
Progress: 100%
Location: Memphis, TN
Default I think what I hate is thinking that I'm fat....

Obviously I hated being fat, but now at this weight, I think about the last time I was this weight, which was 4 years ago. I think I look great now (with minor improvements still necessary), however, four years ago I thought I was fat...trying slimfast or whatever else I could get my hands on.

I hate what the concept of "being fat" does to me. I hate how it dictates so much - to what I wear, where I'll go, and how I even just walk down the street.

It's funny how many thin people think they're fat. I know I shouldn't care what others think but, I know some of my boyfriend's friends still think that I'm this big fat girl, despite the fact that I'm a size 6. I know to a certain extent being fat is relative. I don't want to blame too much on magazines or society, but I sometimes wonder how much they have affected me. Have you guys noticed there have been a lot more healthier looking models coming out recently (even Kate Moss packed on a few), well although I aprreciate it, I can't stand it. I'm critical of them for not being stick thin - it's like I expect it.

I don't have a eating disorder, but I'm definitely a bit obsessive about weight, I was even in highschool. However, my point is that yes, I hate being fat, but moreover I hate the concept, even the word, b/c of all the things it implies - things that are not true. I hate how it has been imbeded in my mind. I can't believe that for hte rest of my life, I will be conscious of something to meaningless when it comes down to it (besides the health factor, but you don't have to be thin to be healthy).

I've recently read some threads discussing vanity vs. love you stretch marks...and I can't figure out, which one is right? Is vanity always a bad thing? I guess all that should matter is that we're healthy, but then why does fat, even on a small scale, means so much...maybe I should ask why it means so much to me, despite the pressure of the world around me...

Sorry I may not have answered this thread the way everyone else has...and may nore have answered this at all. It's just that I never realized all the changes that were going to occur, in every spectrum of my life, while I lost weight. I have so many new things to look at now (how "friends" handled it, how I preceive myself, etc).

Thanks for listening (I guess reading in this case),
Erin
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  #50   ^
Old Tue, Feb-19-02, 20:56
offdawagon offdawagon is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 110
 
Plan: Heller(CALP)
Stats: 230/222/140
BF:
Progress: 9%
Location: Southwest Virginia
Default A Note to Erin

Hi there, Erin. I found your post very interesting. Speaking as a Former Fat Girl, Thin Girl, Fat Girl again, I know what you're saying. We focus a lot on exteriors and not nearly enough on interiors. While your body was getting more fit and more pleasing to your eye, your soul was still very out of shape and you're the only one who really sees that part. You speak to something I have said many times... everybody notices and comments on the awesome physical changes you've undergone, but nobody asks how you're really doing. As a society, we are conditioned to a sort of fat people bigotry. Even fat people...look at how we beat up on ourselves sometimes. BUT, ultimately we are responsible for our own perception of weight...ours, a friends, or Kate Moss'. You have to try to take your fitness program to an internal level and figure out why it matters so much what you look like. I know...me, too. Lot's of people. You're not alone in your quest for self-acceptance. Finding out we're not alone in anything, really. Just say it and see how many people say, "Yeah...me, too." Good luck, sweetie.
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  #51   ^
Old Tue, Feb-19-02, 22:31
John2001's Avatar
John2001 John2001 is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 278
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 290/210/199 Male 6ft 1
BF:
Progress: 88%
Location: East Coast - CT, USA
Post offdawagon / Erin's comments

offdawagon
Quote:
While your body was getting more fit and more pleasing to your eye, your soul was still very out of shape and you're the only one who really sees that part.

Erin4980
Quote:
It's just that I never realized all the changes that were going to occur, in every spectrum of my life, while I lost weight. I have so many new things to look at now (how "friends" handled it, **how I preceive myself**, etc).


Your comments have really hit home with me. This is the problem, I've been having now. Friends, family, passers by, keep saying "wow", and all that stuff to me, on my outside appearence.
My inside, mind and emotions, if you will, having not yet changed. I feel /see myself as still a big guy. The more people say it, the more uneasy I feel about myself, now and before the loss.

Does this make sence to anybody??

Unfortunatly our minds may take longer to adjust to our body's changes.

Cheers, John
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  #52   ^
Old Tue, Feb-19-02, 23:04
Erin4980's Avatar
Erin4980 Erin4980 is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 563
 
Plan: Atkins/ Protein Power
Stats: 173/140/140 Female 69.5
BF:2ndX w/ Atkins
Progress: 100%
Location: Memphis, TN
Default Oh it make sense to me John...

I still pick up the 10 and even size 12 clothes when I go to a clothing store. When I went to buy first new pair of jeans, I picked up an 10, then 8, my boyfriend was like that's looks offly big for you, but I didn't believe him. I ended up fitting in the 4. How in the heck is my mind working? I think you're right - it will take some time for my mind to adjust and catch up. It's crazy to see all the things that my mind (I guess unconscious) has done to protect me. Like for example, even though I think I still wear a ten, when I look in the mirror I feel like I have never changed (never changed from gaining the original forty pounds). So I was in denial about the gain and now in denial about the loss...lol.

About the whole friends issue. I have realized soo much in this area and have said it before on this site. The majority of people I know and be jolted in some way by my weight loss. It's seems that most can't handle it and are either jealous or miserable and want everyone to join there party.

A friend and I were talking the other day and she said that she really just wanted to congradualate me on my weight loss b/c she knew it had been something that I had wanted to do for a long time. Anyway, we decided that when people remark about you or your changes, it always comes back to them. So it reality it's hard to see what they really mean (and the reason why you shouldn't really care what others think). For example, I have this friend that does not trust anyone (she thinks that everyone is overall negative and backstabbing), when in reality she is that person. She projects herself onto everyone else. How can someone be trusting in her mind when she's not. And the same goes with weight loss. It's would be easier to explain this with words (not typing) and with my hands moving about - I can always articulate myself better that way.

In the beginning, I couldn't wait for people to comment on my loss, but now it makes me feel uncomfortable too, especially when I see girls from freschmen year that still have their weight. It's always like "well didn't you get skinny." It's not like "wow you look really great." I never realized how unsopportive the world is and I never thought I would realize that with something as mundane as weight loss. That's why this site is so amazing - I have found my support and people like me, without them I probably would have given up a long time ago.

Erin
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  #53   ^
Old Tue, Feb-19-02, 23:32
gracie-poo gracie-poo is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 145
 
Plan: atkins/PP/my own
Stats: 180/133/140
BF:sz 14/4-6/toned 4
Progress: 118%
Location: Boston, MA!
Unhappy

Erin,

I completely know what you mean. It's weird, but I feel like other people are judging me in a negative light because I am making such a huge effort towards myself. Like somehow I'm selfish and conceited or something for spending time and effort to improve myself. Which is ironic, because these are the same people who were judging me for being fat. I really don't think it has anything to do with weight, deep down--it's all a manefestation of our insecurities.

I remember going to parties when I was a size 16 and being relieved that there were heavier girls there than me. As if somehow that made me "thinner" by comparison, so I wouldn't feel so gross. It was a way of not dealing with my own inability to control my own body (or what I percieved as a lack of control). I used to make conspicuous comments about very thin girls--like "eww, that girl is freakishly skinny" etc etc. WHich, when I think about it, is really incredibly rude and not any better than fatphobics.
I feel that my own success (in progress) losing weight makes other people feel like failures, in the same way I used to like one.
It is so sad that we all have been so manipulated by this fat thing, and have been so disconnected from what it all really means. But on the sunny side, I think all of the people here are really on their way to dealing with the real issues, realizing that it's not all about "weight." THis is a really great board, and I hope everyone finds "their way."

Gracie
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  #54   ^
Old Wed, Feb-20-02, 08:22
Erin4980's Avatar
Erin4980 Erin4980 is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 563
 
Plan: Atkins/ Protein Power
Stats: 173/140/140 Female 69.5
BF:2ndX w/ Atkins
Progress: 100%
Location: Memphis, TN
Default I liked so much of that I quoted it all...

Quote:
It is so sad that we all have been so manipulated by this fat thing, and have been so disconnected from what it all really means. But on the sunny side, I think all of the people here are really on their way to dealing with the real issues, realizing that it's not all about "weight." THis is a really great board, and I hope everyone finds "their way."


I totally agree, in everyway.

Quote:
I used to make conspicuous comments about very thin girls--like "eww, that girl is freakishly skinny" etc etc. WHich, when I think about it, is really incredibly rude and not any better than fatphobics.


I can't tell yu how many times I critisize girls out at the bars. I'm ripping them apart to my boyfriend. My boyfriend has said that it's just me being jealous, he's right though. I hate that. What's funny is since my bf and got together 4 years ago he has learned sooo much about women (or I guess college women/girls). For example, he's said to me at lunch the other day, "More girls check you out than me." I took it to be a compliment, whether he knew it or not. Those girls were doing the same thing that I've always done - I guess you could say scoping out the competition...lol. We got into a huge discussion about it and decided (lol) that it must be some primal thing from when we were still homosapiens where the female were protective over their mate. I mean sometimes I scan a girl w/out even noticing. Obviously you guys think I have issues...maybe I've told too much, but I swear if you met me, you would think that I'm normal...lol. I'm not kidding, my school to sooooo snobbing. It's hard to deal with, especially since I never expected it.

Quote:
I feel that my own success (in progress) losing weight makes other people feel like failures, in the same way I used to like one.


I think this is especially true for people that are look to lose weight as well. I've been having problems with my mom since I started lcing. She puts me down and is constantly making comments like that am going to get an eating disorder.

I'm just glad that they're people like me (or close...besides my crazy part...lol).

Good Luck,
Erin
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  #55   ^
Old Wed, Feb-20-02, 08:29
offdawagon offdawagon is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 110
 
Plan: Heller(CALP)
Stats: 230/222/140
BF:
Progress: 9%
Location: Southwest Virginia
Default Can of worms

Isn't that what we've opened up here? John, when I read your first post in this thread, I was so glad that you brought up the issue of having lost all the weight still has some "sucky" facets to it. When I lost 93 lbs 2 yrs ago, I was absolutely dumbstruck by how profoundly that affected my entire life. It wasn't just a personal thing...it seemed to become a public issue. I live in a very small town, and I could not go out of my house for months without having to stop and do a complete discertation, several times per day, on how I lost the weight, how much I lost, how does my husband like his new woman...Even though, for me, weight or the loss of it is a very personal thing. (I have NEVER asked another person how much they weigh, or how much they have lost, and certainly never eluded to a weight gain.) The whole thing seemed very bizarre to me. People who seemed to have either never really noticed me or chose to avoid me were now my new "friends". I hated it. My old "friends" became very stand-offish. They definitely didn't want to discuss my weightloss. My family (several of whom have weight problems) also had nothing to say on a positive note. My husband, while he was very happy to have a thin wife for the more obvious reasons, became jealous, possesive and insecure. All of this threw me into a tailspin. All I could think of was, I am the one who has made the major life changes here. Why are you people acting so weird about it???? Please don't think I am totally blaming the regain I experienced on everyone but myself. I chose to relapse my habits. But while I am physically very uncomfortable and unwell in this present condition, emotionally I feel much safer here. And apparently, everyone else feels much less threatened by me LOOKING THE WAY I DO. Thanks for letting me vent. Feeling much better right about now. That was almost as satisfying as big fat brownie! KIDDING!!!!

By the way, John, love your joke page! We're thinking of having your "Rules for Dating my Daughter" drawn up into a contract...
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  #56   ^
Old Wed, Feb-20-02, 15:38
starchile's Avatar
starchile starchile is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 2,087
 
Plan: Lo Gi (Gallop)/Atkins-ish
Stats: 381/347/299 Female 5'10"
BF:
Progress: 41%
Location: Hayward, CA
Default Message for ERIN

Hello Erin-

I have read your posts and I'm seeing something a little bit deeper than what has already been discussed. Please forgive me if I'm stepping over the line, but I think it's important for us to be honest with each other b/c this journey is definitely NOT just about losing weight. Like everyone else has said, it's also about healing our innerselves and undoing a lot of societal damage. There is a different undertone that I'm sensing in your posts. I'm concerned that you are a size 4 and still seeing yourself as fat or rather not INTERNALIZING the fact that you are not the larger size. While I do understand what that is like (I have the same problem when I go to the stores), there is a point where that really becomes dangerous. Being a size 16 and seeing yourself as a size 20 is way less potentially harmful than being a size 4 and seeing yourself as a 10, do you understand what I'm trying to say? My challenge to you is to really ask yourself where it will stop. If you are already a size 4, where is the need coming from to lose more weight? I really do think that there is a need for some body image counseling.

I hope you haven't taken this the wrong way! It's meant in the most caring sense possible!

Peace and Balance,
Tesia
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  #57   ^
Old Wed, Feb-20-02, 16:02
John2001's Avatar
John2001 John2001 is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 278
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 290/210/199 Male 6ft 1
BF:
Progress: 88%
Location: East Coast - CT, USA
Default

offdawagon, you've somed it up:
Quote:
When I lost 93 lbs 2 yrs ago, I was absolutely dumbstruck by how profoundly that affected my entire life. It wasn't just a personal thing...it seemed to become a public issue. I live in a very small town, and I could not go out of my house for months without having to stop and do a complete discertation, several times per day, on how I lost the weight, how much I lost,


This is what I am going thur daily now. I work in the public eye, seeing people I haven't seen in a year or so's time. So when these people come in, their responses are, OMG or wow, what happen to you? In the spring and summer, my business pickes up and I'm faced with a lot more of this to come. I too, am tired of explaining how much lost, how I did it, and the strangest question, (I think anyway) WHY? I'm starting to get a little rude recently about this subject. I've even had a guy, who noticed how I had changed, call me on his cell phone from the food store and ask me what to buy!! What am I a losing weight expert now?!? lol
I mean, come on, I told you the basics, what book(s) to buy, now there calling me! lol

Another quote from you:
"became jealous, possesive and insecure" This one hit home with a friend of mine recently. I was told by his wife, after he found out I had a "date" (first time in a longggg time) that he said, Great, now John will get a girlfriend and he'll never be around anymore" His wife defended me with, "You can't expect him to be a bachlor his whole life". Just silly, ain't it!
----------------------------------------------
Erin, everything you stated I agree with too. I really like your "Issues" comment. I thought, I was the only one who used that term! lol The folks saying "eating disorder", ohhh, I hear the same type of stuff too. "Your thin enough" or "your still losing, your gonna get sick and fade away if you don't stop".

Quote:
Those girls were doing the same thing that I've always done - I guess you could say scoping out the competition.


I had a strange thought about this comment. A gal I recently took out (twice) didn't seem to be as relaxed as she always was before, when I was around her. I sort of had a mild crush on her for a year or 2 and never made a move because of my weight. Now, being close to goal and hearing all these comments about myself, I finally decided to take a shot. Because of your comment, I'm thinking. Does she feel uncomfortable around me, because of the change in me? Humm.... I've always had this in reverse before. Me Not feeling good enough about myself to be with someone like her. Just weird stuff.
Myself with selfdoubt, all my life, in regards to the weight, now being more on the other side of the coin, is getting pretty strange. I'm more selfconcious and insecure now, than ever before. Just really strange how the mind works.

I'm glad to see we are all not alone in this. Not that it makes it any easier!! lol

Cheers, John

PS: Glad you liked the joke!
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  #58   ^
Old Wed, Feb-20-02, 16:10
John2001's Avatar
John2001 John2001 is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 278
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 290/210/199 Male 6ft 1
BF:
Progress: 88%
Location: East Coast - CT, USA
Lightbulb starchile has my vote

Quote:
I really do think that there is a need for some body image counseling.


Maybe that's what we need!!!

Seriously!!

Cheers, John
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  #59   ^
Old Wed, Feb-20-02, 16:21
starchile's Avatar
starchile starchile is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 2,087
 
Plan: Lo Gi (Gallop)/Atkins-ish
Stats: 381/347/299 Female 5'10"
BF:
Progress: 41%
Location: Hayward, CA
Default Hey all!

Thank you Offdawagon for the wonderful compliments!

I see that this thread has transformed into a much richer discussion! I think it's so important that we support each other on all levels...you all are so right! This is also about deeper psychological issues that we don't touch on in our everyday lives. There is a lot of healing that has to happen in order for us to FEEL like "normal" people again! We are so scarred by the day-to-day treatment that part of the weight loss process has to include undoing some of the damage. and THAT'S why forums like this are so important. We are amongst people that have gone through similar experiences and that are at different points in their healing that are able to help us through.

It is soooo unfortunate, sad and disturbing that our society places such importance on outer beauty! But what do you expect from a capitalist society??? It's like shooting fish in a barrel to make money off of our insecurities! Yeah, it would be great to encourage our kids to be honest and caring people who have the capacity to love and respect themselves and others no matter what their appearances may be, and yeah, it would cut down the ridiculous crime rate, but WHERE IS THE PROFIT going to come from??

Don't get me started!

Please continue to talk and share! You all are AWESOME!

Peace and Balance,
Tesia
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  #60   ^
Old Wed, Feb-20-02, 17:51
Erin4980's Avatar
Erin4980 Erin4980 is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 563
 
Plan: Atkins/ Protein Power
Stats: 173/140/140 Female 69.5
BF:2ndX w/ Atkins
Progress: 100%
Location: Memphis, TN
Default Well...

Starchile - You did not step over the line at all. Actually my boyfriend and I got into a huge discussion about this today during lunch and I pretty much put up the defensive wall on him...I feel like he doesn't understand. What sparked the conversation was that there was an article in our student newspaper this morning talking about college girls and negative impacts of body image. It was talking about the crazy rise in anorexics and bulimics. Thing latter part of the article spoke of obbessing about dieting and weight, and that these people are borderline for having an eatingdisorder if not a distorted self-image. Alright, with my boyfirend I try to explain that you have to be conscious of this WOL. It doesn't consume me, I occasionally cheat, however I weigh myself everymorning and count carbs...everything we're supposed to do. He thinks that's obbessing. There's a free screening by our health center and I may check it out, but I don't want to be like "waaayaayayayya." I feel like so many people are selfconscious of themselves and that there can be so many attributes linked to obsessive behavior, if not a negative self image.

Now about the size four, that was at Abercrombie - where the sizes are made bigger. I mean, they have a double 0 size there. I'm really a 6 (a tight 6), but I understand where you're coming from - I shouldn't still see myself as a 10/12. It's wierd though, when I finally hit my goal and put pics up on the site, I guarantee that most of you will be shock that I will have lost 45 lbs. I'm almost at 35 and I can bearly tell...even my boyfriend says that I really don't look that different.

It's almost like being thin can cause as many problems as being over weight - like my boyfriend being conerned that I'm too obsessed.

John,
Quote:
Because of your comment, I'm thinking. Does she feel uncomfortable around me, because of the change in me?


I definitely think what I'm talking about has to do with the same sex. The only thing I can think of is that if you're acting different because of your weight loss and maybe that's why she acted different. Or maybe, have you guys talked about your loss?, sometimes I find that people won't bring it up, until you do b/c they don't want to make you feel uncomfortable, etc. What I said has to do more with jealous and how we "weigh in" in comparison to other girls - something that I'm definitely going to make an effort to stop doing.

Thanks guys if you have any other comments they are greatly appreciated,
Erin

PS if you guys haven't noticed, I'm a horrible typer/speller so please excuse all the mistakes.
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