I don't think I have bipolar. I'm never "up." My non-medicated state is "down" 24/7. I believe I have atypical depression, meaning I never cycle out and go through "normal" periods. If you've ever read "Prozac Nation," the girl there is atypical.

The Zoloft took a good year and half to poop out. Then I tried Wellbutrin with only mixed success. I'm now on Celexa (just over a year now) and I think this is the best med I've been on yet. The meds that target seratonin seem to work best.

I also carry Xanax for emergencies. I take it "as needed," which isn't very often - maybe once every month or two.

Newbirth, you are on a good med. My hubby is on Celexa and has been for years. It seems to be one of the best for longterm, stable mood elevation for people that are depressed. I noticed a huge difference in him when he went on Celexa. The stuff was like a miracle. He had been on so many things that hadn't worked. He also has ADHD and takes Strattera which works with Dopamine. Strattera helped him greatly. It helped me a bit too, but it made me pretty manicky.

My dh still has an element of irritability...much more so than normal. He controls it very well, but it is always there under the surface. He said after we get me all sorted out, then it is his turn.

Hi Mirelle

You are in my thoughts.

One of our sons has ADHD too. He is 7. He finally has the right med mix and is doing well. It took a while to get there but the pdoc figured it out- before school starts again.

Not getting enough sleep is enough to drive one up the wall. I've been there before and it ain't no fun. How is your fibromyalgia?

Take care of yourself.

Latte

Newbirth

Congrats on your weightloss! That is awesome!!!

Latte

Latte, thanks for your well wishes. My fibro is doing better. I am following Zuuleika's Vitamin D experiment and it helps immensely. I also noticed the Depakote ER took away some of the tension, so the muscles calmed a bit. I am still having pain and stiffness but nothing like it was.

The thing that I hate about not being able to sleep is that no matter what I do, I cannot turn off my thoughts. Being stuck in my own miind almost 24/7 is awful. It doesn't matter how well-cultivated that mind is, how well-read, how spiritual, how well-disciplined, it is torture. There is no distraction from the non-stop mental chatter about all things, great and small. Hobbies, friends, love, reading, movies, prayer, spirituality...it all becomes part of the fodder for that non-stop thinker in there to think about it. (Or as I say, for the synapses to snap out about...lol.) I am really sick of that; I am so easily distracted that I have to watch what I do or I am dangerous...like not putting the water in the coffeepot. Alot of this is not part of my ADHD stuff, either. I have lost my off switch. Non-manics do not understand this part of the disease. Even though I have been bipolar all my life, even though I had one episode like this at age 15 that lasted three years, I never understood it until now myself. At age 15, I had the physical energy to channel it...I became a super achiever. Then I crashed into depression. and started being an under achiever. But now I am almost 60 and don't have the physical stamina to keep up with the mania.

Since I have been on the Depakote ER I have slowed just enough to realize that I am manic, not hypo-manic. I am manic with a lot of insight. Plus 19 years of solid AA and 12 Step program...good habits...have kept me from going off the deep end.

"Know thyself" is a great maxim but I would really love to turn it off and cop some ZZZZZZZZZs.

Even when I have fallen asleep, it is like a light waking sleep with very vivid dreams that a part of me is directing and commenting on. I wake up during those dreams and then fall asleep again. When I do get up, I get up in tears. I am so tired of my non-stop mind.

I went off my plan this morning after another night of no sleep. I deliberately cheated. I ate fettucine carbonara and a dessert...everything carb...because I know carbs can make me feel sleepy and I was hoping they would knock me out. I will never do that again. It didn't work. And now my stomach hurts, my skin actually itches, and I still did not get sleepy. Back to my WOE. I now know that my high pro, low carb WOE is not contributing to my wakefulness.

I saw this thread and still have some to read...but meds are so important!!! Life can be so much better for everone involved. Everyone I have known with bipolar who stopped thier meds so worse and had so much trouble...usually they didn't think they were in bad shape but others could see it...that is the hard thing about this disorder!!!!!! Please please take your meds and work with your dr to find out what is best for you! Weight can be lossed on many of the meds though it can be more difficult...that is so much better than living with the devestation of bipolar or depresssion!!!

(ok stepping off soap box)

Mirielle, I had a night like that!!! My brain was racing pictures! I woke my dh to tell him I was seeing movies in my mind! I have just been recently diagnosed (as of wednesday) They are still working everything out of course but it look like I am hypomanic. I actually had been thinking for a few years I might have a mini mania if you will but it wasn't until my daughter brought me a article from a magazine and said mom this is you...the article was are you bipolar!!? Well I had been having time when I couln't sleep and was up most of the night cleaning...then I would crash and sleep...then up again...I woke the poor girl up at 6 in the morning to ask if she wanted to go shopping only to realize she didn't need that much time to get ready as by the time we drove their (75mi away) the stores wouldn't even be open!!!!!That is when I decided something really wasn't right. I am having trouble sleeping too. They gave me am,bien and it really was too strong...then I had clazipam (or whatever it is called) slept pretty good last night. Now I amhavnig trouble typing!!! I am also on paxil which I have take since 1994 for PMDD (sever pms) That and stress may have been a factor in having all this come to a head. I am also starting Lamictal...scared about the rash but heard and read that it is the best with rapid cycling which is my problem. (I cycle dailypractically)

Hope you can find something to help you sleep...it is exhausting to have your mind go and go!!!

the rash is rare, and lamictal is a good med. I haven't had any side effects at all. I don't even feel like I've taken anything but the mood swings are way better.

The Depakote ER is working pretty well in two divided doses now. We had to do some tweaking. My mind feels normal now...or normal for me.

I know what you mean about the judgement thing like that shopping trip...you and I sound as if he were having very similar things happen...and enough insight to know we were whacked out a bit. I could not stop talking. It drove me nuts...I knew I was doing it and I could not shut up.

Here is a great site...all about meds. http://www.crazymeds.org/ The people that run the site are bipolar. I have found out so much info.

I wanted Lamictal because of the rapid cycling. Apparently Lamictal can make you achey and I have severe fibromyalgia...so the pdoc didn't think it would be the best.

I have been able to direct dreams to...thinking ok I am dreaming here is what I need to do... I also dream in color...a few times over the last weeks I have had trouble remembering if something really happened or if I drempt (is that a word?) it. I am having a terrible time typing.

That is too bad about the fibro! Is it under control? I need to get more vitamins but want to see how the meds work and not start too many things at once. Do you have to get blood drawn with the Depakote?

I have found that my topomax is a wonderful tool in not only controlling my manic episodes/cycling but my dreams as well.

My dreams have been way more vivid since starting seroquel. But at least I'm asleep which is a huge improvement! I can direct dreams and I dream in color. I also get "daymares" where I have visions of terrrible things happening while I'm awake, like my family in a wreck or that kind of thing. This has been better since starting both lamictal & seroquel too.

Lamictal hasn't bothered me. I have fibromyalgia and I haven't noticed a change in my pain most of the time, for better or for worse. It seems about the same. In fact, I'm sleeping so much better that I have more energy. I always get bad flares after a manic period, because I exhaust myself, and since that's not happening as much the really bad flare ups are less often.

My update;

Finally worked up th courage to see the doc. She diagnosed me with depression and put me on lexapro.

Also put me on a stronger birth control pill to even out my hormones.

Not sure how I feel about all of this yet, but I guess I'll deal with it. I'm exhausted for the last two days-I hope it's just a lack of sleep and not the meds. I actually feel like I've been able to sleep better, but it's only been two days on meds. I thought they took a week to a month to start working.

Maybe it's just that I know what I'm dealing with now.

I'm on Celexa, Earthgirl, a "cousin" of Lexapro (and older and therefore cheaper). It works the best of any med I've tried so far. I definetly react better to the SSRIs. I tried Wellbutrin (targets different brain chemicals) and it just didn't do it for me.