Unfortunately what we SHOULD do, and what we are ABLE to do aren't the same things at all. And that is evidenced by our inability to exercise the way we should. Or eat the way we should. Or relate to our family members the way we should....

Josie,

I remember when I was at 2 bills, being a 38B and finding that size in only a select handful of brands. Worse, being a 38A. Thankfully I'm not that, but still. That size just doesn't exist. I'm in the process of losing more weight just so I can fit into bras a little better. How sad is that? I bought these really pretty ones from Target that I like and are a small 34A.

I can't even see a point in being pregnant if you don't get nice big boobs, but yeah worse than anything is the sag factor. That's why most women get implants afterwards. Not cool.

I totally agree with you about the whole "get away with" something that normally most people would not tolerate. It's true, power is something you give people not something they take. I don't think it's a question of insecurity in this case, yes to not wanting to be disrepectful or rude or cruel and causing a scene but it's more a case of I know what they say is true and I can't really put up a defense to the truth, you know?

Vgal,
I was actually 34 almost a "B" but I would never buy a "A" cup out of embarrassment. I know that's sad, I'm glad I wasn't really overweight because I would had to looked for bigger bands w/ smaller cups. No wonder why everyone thought I was younger then I really am. I thought I just looked young for my age. I did find really cheap bras at Walmart for $7.00 that are 38 "B". but they never have good colors so I got pink but it's better then the white. I've never seen a black or red 38 "B".

Yeah that's why implants are sounding pretty good about now, knowing what I got to look forward to. But I'm also excited about having a little offspring of my own. I was never a baby person and never intended on becoming pregnant.

What I meant by insecurity was I know girls who stay with guys that treat them like crap, out of insecurity. My mom is one who can't stand to be alone. And does the samething. I'm not sure if I'm like that I because I have been with the same guy for 14 years. Sometimes we'd like to strangle each other but most of the time everything is good. He works alot so I think that helps we normally see each other on weekends but during the week I only see him for a few hours.

So you'll be graduating in a few days, congradulations. What are you graduating from college?

Okay, Ladies! You keep talking about how hard it is to find a smaller sized bra with a large band... Here's my rant for the day for ya: I haven't been able to find a nice/pretty/sexy bra that didn't cost me more than $80 for at least the last 10 years!!!! Apparently, if you have a larger chest size, you want to shove your boobs back under your armpits so no one sees them. Kinda like you oughta be ashamed that your boobs are so big. All those pretty and sexy bras at Walmart.... do they come in my size? Not on your tin type girly-girl. That size comes in the hubcap look-alike style. Or the Attilla The Hun's armor style. Maybe a rocketship or two? How about what your grandma wears? If I wanted to wear an ugly style of corset, I'd BUY ONE!! I have to go to a bra specialty store to buy a bra that fits and that I like. The last pretty one I bought cost $125. I'd love to buy something nice from Victoria Secret (don't have that here and all the bras I like don't come in my size). Being on the short end of things, I haven't got that large a space between my boobs that many others seem to have. I like cleavage bras for a reason! No offence to any of you but coming from my end, I envy your ability (and the amount of cash it takes you!!) to buy a $20 bra that's cute and sexy and PRETTY! I envy your none-indented shoulders after a day's worth of wearing a bra. I envy your non-gravity enhanced boobs ("Is that you Grandma? Oh sorry Mom, I thought those were Grandma's!"). I envy your lack of backpain from carrying 15 lbs on your front every day. I envy being able to run around playing basketball (or climb trees or jog a treadmill) with your kids and not smacking yourself silly!! I wear basically two bras. One that's pretty (a push up bra) and a short tank to prevent having to put everything back in place every 5 minutes. Yes, yes. If I just bought one of the bulletproof bras, I wouldn't have to spend all day adjusting. Or not. Even a moderately ugly one I spend too much time pulling everything up where it belongs. Besides, you ever try wearing a sexy low-cut top to have your granny bra warping your voluptuous figure??? Woohoo. "Oh, baby! Your nuclear warheads are astoundingly SEXY." I just wanted you to know that big boobs aren't all they're cracked up to be. This I know from too many years of experience. And that would be a big YES to having saggy boobs after breastfeeding, especially when they're already large. I could continue but I think I've said enough. Hopefully, I didn't offend anyone but I'm pretty sure that you'd be surprised at how many of us would love to switch places with you!

Maybe it is safe to say we want what we don't have. If you have curly hair you envy those with straight hair. If you have straight hair you wish for curls. And nobody's boobs are the right size! I would trade in what I have for a different set if I had the opportunity...

Purrrkitte,
I never thought about that. Now I know why my mom always wore granny bras. I can't imagine spending $80 on a bra. That must really stink. But to make matters worse it being a granny bra.

I agree we are never satisfied I always wanted to be a tall curvy blonde but ended up short straight figure & brown hair. I looked more like my friend's little boy instead of their friend. And now I got the hips & butt & still not liking it. Least when I straight figured everyone thought I was thin. Now I look like an overweight pregnant person.

I’m glad this topic has spurned on discussion! Who would have thunk it?

Josie, what does that say about us or society when we are embarrassed to buy clothing in our proper size? I cringe when the salesgirls have to ring up my lingerie purchases. And I NEVER go to a male salesclerk for that reason. I mean, honestly if you’ve ever had to wear or have even seen a 34A or (worse) a 34AA you must wonder, “Why even bother?” It’s pathetic and sad. I cry every time I pass a Victoria’s Secret and the few occasions when I do, either because I’m buying a gift or new lotions, (I love their scented lotions and sprays,) I nearly have a nervous breakdown. Purrrkitte, trust me honey, you are not the only one who can’t wear VS bras and you don’t have the lock on indented shoulders. I have small marks too, because I have no shoulders and no boobs, so what holds a strap up? Sheer force of elastic.

VS doesn’t make cute, sexy bras for us either. Unless you order from the catalogue, where they carry the As and AAs, they just don’t exist in the stores mind. Most of the time the smaller sizes don’t fit quite right. The cup size is too small or the band size is a little short. They never look the way they’re supposed to look because they were intended for women with boobs. Come to think of it, who the hell does VS fit anyway?!?!?! I only shop them for lotions and sweaters. I love their turtlenecks. How ironic, I shop the sexiest store in the world for the world’s most concealing outfits.

Josie, congrats on your upcoming special delivery. Do you have a name picked out? My cousin is also due in July and she is determined to name the baby Destiny. And if that isn’t bad enough she wants her to be Destiny Star. I told her with that name she is condemning her daughter to a lifetime of porn or a pole dance near you. Gads.

I’m graduating with my Master in Professional Writing by the way. Very happy about that.

Purrrkitte, the only time I’m ever grateful not having boobs is at the gym, otherwise there’s no advantage to being flatchested. In fact, having your cups runneth over is far more advantageous than not in most situations. My friend, Jill spends about $50 for her bras and she has the industrial reinforced ones too. I guess only Bloomies or Nordstrom carry them, they’re from Wacol, I think.

Saggy boobs = so not attractive. Majority of women out there today having lifts and implants are moms looking to put their puppies back into their original place! But that doesn’t mean you can’t sag and be small. Worse still, small saggy boobs. It can happen, I’ve seen it.

It’s true how we’re never satisfied with what we have, I have curly Felicity like hair but would die for shiny, healthy looking, TAME straight hair. For years I relaxed my hair three or four times a year until I got tired of spending the money and the upkeep. When I got fat, I simply stopped caring. The only thing I like about my shape is my height, I’m little in that regard – 5’3. More selections for me to choose from. I mean, who's shorter than I am? Prince?

Sigh! All of you are right! We just never seem to be happy with what we've got, are we? How sad, really. I condemn myself with that statement too. I guess boobs have their advantages and disadvantages. VS makes bras for models, that's who. And how many of us are models? Ohhhhh... about 5% of the population. Maybe I should have said Fredricks of Hollywood? Nope, we don't have those in Canada either. But at least they make things for EVERYONE (men included!), as far as I know.

As for straight hair vs curly, I spent years hating my poker straight hair, wishing for at least a little curl. I have dyed it since I was 19 (wasn't allowed before then) and been perming it since... oh... about birth! My mom hated my hair and made sure I knew it. So I grew to hate it too. A couple of years ago, when I first started this self healing journey, I decide to let the color grow out as well as just letting it be straight. I hadn't seen my real hair color (except roots!) for almost 15 years and I thought it was time to accept it. Have I dyed it since then? Yes, I have but not every couple of months (my hair grows really S-L-O-W). Have I permed it? Nope. I have spent some time on developing a skill with my "hair-that-won't-do-anything" and finding simple updo's I've created myself. I don't hate my hair anymore. It's long and is healthier and growing faster than it ever has before. I think I've stopped damaging it so much and so it's decided to grow. I have moments when I get angry because I can't make it do what I want it to, but who doesn't? I don't spend hours on it. I use it to enhance my face - exactly what hair is supposed to be for, isn't it?

So now, perhaps, I need to start working on my boobs. Instead of hating them, their size, shape, droop, annoyances, start appreciating them for what they are and can do for me. What they have done. I breastfed all my kids for varying amounts of time. Not an easy thing to do. And my boobs paid for that in the usual way of droop. But should I have not given my babies the best start in life just for the sake of my vanity? (Don't get any wrong ideas or think I'm trying to make anyone who didn't breastfeed feel guilty, BTW. I'm talking about myself here. For all my mother likes to tell me that I'm a selfish person, I don't believe I am.) No, I don't think I should have. So maybe it's time for me and maybe for you too. We all need to learn to love ourselves and our bodies for a change. Life starts now, not tomorrow! Should we start a revolution, Ladies?

PS. Josie, you are NEVER fat when you are pregnant!!

Vgal,
You know I've done the same see a guy at the register & went to another one because of shame. I found a few bras at VS, but they never fit right I bought them anyways because I thought they were pretty & almost fit. I could never buy panties there either. I think their stuff is made for the tall, thin & full busted. Like I always say I think models & actresses are from another planet. I did get a nightgown & pantyhose from there. I while back I got a dress from there & had it altered because it was alittle to big.

Thanks. We haven't picked out any names yet I'm thinking Valerie. thank god it's not a boy , my husband wanted to name him after his father & grandpa, hell even in a town as small as this he would be the butt of many jokes, even the redneck kids would have laughed at it. Destiny is pretty but I'm not sure about Star sounds like a hippy to me. I used to have a friend back in High school whose name was Donna, but she used to go by the name Donna Star, I'm not sure why. She's no longer with us. And it wasn't a good ending for her.

I thought you were already a professional writter. Well that ought to be interesting. I remember when we lived in Louisiana I wanted to work for the radio.Being a DJ. Right after we had moved to TX I got a letter from the local radio station in La. to come down to the radio station for a tour. I wanted to go so bad, but my parents were going through a divorce so that was out of the question. But I changed my mind about the radio.

Purrrkittie,
Thanks, for the your never fat while pregnant comment. Beause I've been feeling so insecure lately I think my husbands wondering what happened to me. Yesterday I was so upset w/ myself I musted have cried for 30 mins, I bought my 1st large night gown, it's still too big but my small ones were getting tight so I finally broke down & bought one. My husband says you don't need a night gown just sleep nakked. I'm think yeah right. Plus I thought it would be good for breast feeding. I don't like the maternity gown they look too old ladyish. plus they have to be silky I can't sleep in cotton.
Only time I'm glad to be small chested is that I can get away w/o a bra & noone notices. Have you ever thought about breast reduction? My mom was thinking about doing it a while back because it messed up her back.

Speaking of hair, my hair has always been straight & fine. Until I started highlighting it then it got alittle frizz but it was easy to control. I used to love the humidity in La. because it gave my hair body. I always wanted thick wavy hair though until straight hair came in style. And yesterday I decided to go shorter with one of those piecy choppy razor cuts where it's longer in the fron & shorter in the back. So I went to a more expensive salon thinking they know what they were doing. And now I'm very unhappy with it, and my husband hates it too. I showed her a pic of what I wanted & it looks nothing like the pic. So I'm not sure what to do about it because it's too short already. My hair grows fast & with me being pregnant it grows even faster, so I'll let it grow for a few weeks & go back to our friend who cuts hair but he does it in another town that the opposite direction from my shopping areas. And I was just checking on the local gas prices & their gas is .10 cheaper then the town I got mine from yesterday so I was even more mad, because I completely filled up my tank & I'm afraid by the time I go back their gas will be higher again.

Yeah, your right we should love ourselves & our bodies, you only get one so why not make the best of it.

I'm sorry to hear about your hair! At least it grows fast then. Is there anything you can do to play with the hairstyle to make it more like you wanted? As for sleeping naked, why not? I'm sure your DH loves you when you're pregnant too! I understand the insecurity about finding "larger" clothes that fit while pregnant. Do yourself a favor, go to a maternity store and buy something nice for yourself. Yes it cost more than a cheap nighty at Walmart but, trust me, it will make the difference to YOU. I spent the first two pregnancies wearing my ex's old clothes. The third time, I wore maternity clothes and felt much better about being beautiful while pregnant. There are so many maternity clothes that are really nice now... unlike before. At the end of the twins pregnancy, I was so huge, I couldn't even find any second-hand clothes to fit me!! (No sense in buying expensive maternity clothes while living in a hotel for a couple of weeks on bedrest.) I'll send you a pic, k? Then you'll definately feel better about yourself...

I have talked about getting a breast reduction but after watching what Rocks has been dealing with as far as pain is concerned, I dunno.... I'm kind of a chicken that way I guess! Well, maybe just a turkey... Besides, that means more medication, finding a good doc in the city, blah, blah blah. It's a lot of effort right now. Perhaps down the road a bit.

Vgal, aren't those industrial sized over-the-shoulder-BOULDER-holders just so EXTREMELY attractive? And not only are they attractive but they are just so gosh-darn COMFY. If you like wear a bullet-proof vest under your clothes all the time... And if that's $50 american, that's like... oh... $100 canadian, right? *insert scathing sarcasm here* ehehehheheheheh... see? There I go being a turkey again...

Thank you ladies for continuing this discussion in my absence! I graduated Friday, so I am officially a MASTER…. of what you might ask? Nothin!

I think women especially are susceptible to feeling insecure and unworthy based on their appearance. It’s as if we aren’t a supermodel then we aren’t as valuable as the next gal. I certainly was brought up to believe that if I wasn’t pretty then I wouldn’t be nearly as “marketable” as other girls who were far more attractive. I don’t think unfortunately society has changed that message very much even some 20 odd years later.

I laughed at the Fredrick’s comment making items for MEN too. Oh my. Hey, I don’t know what’s worse, a man finding the lingerie of my dreams and not only fitting into it, but looking better…. gads. I only shop at VS for clothes, I don’t even bother looking for undergarments anymore. I immediately toss out the summer catalogues (all bikinis and such), they just depress me. Why bother? I love my turtlenecks from them though, it saddens me that soon I’ll have to pack them away because summer is rapidly approaching in LA. I hate summer!!!!!!!!!! In LA, we basically have one season and its hot and it will be that way for the next six months or so. And that means bye, bye, bye sweaters and I’m a total sweater girl. I like to be completely covered up.

Anyway, I try to remind myself to be thankful for my healthy body and all the things it does for me. All the punishment I put it thru – yoga, pilates, kickboxing, step, spin, weights – achy, sore, dying of pain and yet it keeps on coming back. When I practice yoga I dedicate my practice to someone who needs help or sometimes I’m selfish and I dedicate it to me and say a thank you to my body for putting up with me.

I hate my hair. Unlike you, Ms. Kitte, my mother loves my hair and always has, but I’ve always hated it. I wanted my hair to be nice and neat like my moms. Mine was ugly and curly like my dads. Its always messy and tangled and just in general unprofessional looking. I used to relax it every three or four months like clockwork. There were people who met me years ago who never knew I had curly hair! But then I got tired of the money and the time it took particularly since it never got as straight as I would have liked and I still had to blow it out if it got wet. Now, I let it go curly. I mildly relaxed it last summer but that was a total waste of money, cuz it didn’t do anything. My musician boy told me he liked my hair curly, he said it was “natural” and he hated when I blowed it out….. sadly he never even touched it.

I did feel some sort of twisted pleasure though, knowing he even noticed.

Josie, two of my favourite dresses I got from VS catalogue. One of them is super tiny, a size small I remember finally realizing just how skinny I was back when I put it on and didn’t have a stomach, I was flat as a board (and not my chest!). I long to fit into that dress again! Their undies are definitely not cut for women with an ass (like me). Does J.Lo make lingerie? If anyone could sympathise it would be her.

And no, you’re not fat, you’re preggers. HUGE difference!

I’m sorry about your hair, but with your prenatal pills, etc. you’ll be back to long hair in no time! Plus, look at it this way, shorter hair will be easier to deal with with a new baby to contend with. If all else fails, in the summer less hair = less heat. I’m trying to be optimistic for ya. Don’t ever be fooled by pricier salons. They know pretty much exactly what everyone else knows. I’ve seen all the top guys in LA, and let me tell ya, I’ve gotten just as good a cut at a $10 joint as I have for $200. The only difference is the quality of smock that’s about it. I always say, when you go to someone new it’s the loyalty factor of karma paying you back! At least, that’s been my own experience….. I’ve gotten bad ‘dos before including one that made me look like Garth from Wayne’s World! Yes, take some solace in that image and then laugh, laugh, laugh.

Kitte, yes, the image of bolder holders is not particularly attractive, but still it would mean you DO have something to put in them. I’m not asking for HUGE, just something would be nice. Oh yeah, perfect breasts. Gee, not much to ask for, huh?

Ummm... yah, I understand the cringing feeling of a man finding the lingerie of my dreams and looking better than me. However, I can say that in my 34 years, I've never seen ANY man look better in lingerie than ANY woman. Ridiculous, maybe. Good? *cringe squirm make funny faces* Not the last time I saw. That includes Rupaul.... Sorry. Hope that doesn't offend anyone! (Men who enjoy women's lingerie, in particular.)

Mmmm... I think J Lo has some kind of clothing line? I'm not sure. I understand about having a butt! Even when I was at my skinniest, I've always had a butt ("I like big butts and I cannot lie, you other brothers can deny..." Whoops! Sorry! Too much karaoke in the last couple of days... )
Vgal, have you read anything about how the 'health' and 'beauty' industries are making a killing (literally sometimes) off of making women feel insecure about our weight and our bodies? I just picked up a book called "No Fat Chicks" by Terry Poulton. I haven't started it yet but I've read about it elsewhere. It's about just that: health and beauty profiting big time from selling us false images of body and weight (weight loss included). We ARE progammed thru TV, movies, commercials, magazines, our families who grew up with the same bombardment, to believe that we are inherantly flawed in our bodies unless we match an unrealistic and impossible (and unhealthy!)body image and size.

Josie, Vgal's also VERY correct in saying that short hair is much better around a new baby. Even in a ponytail or bun, my 1 yr olds tend to tear at my hair, if I'm not paying enough attention. It hurts, believe me! Those little suckers have an unbelievable grip even at 3 months old!!

And, sweetie, if it's perfect breasts you're asking for, put in a polite request for me too. Remember, I've had four kids now and gravity REALLY works. My "perfect" breasts have never been what you might call perky, but now they're really NOT perky! akljdflkjbqebyloinkan <-- that's me falling on my keyboard laughing hysterically... That's why push-up bras are necessary. So you know what I went and did to make myself feel sexier about them? I got them pierced (yes, ouch, but I like them). And feeling sexy is all in the mind. If you can do something or wear something that makes YOU feel sexy, YOU feel good about them, your attitude will show to the world and everyone will see how sexy you are. And I don't mean just when they're looking at your boobs! Life isn't all about boobs (although some immature men would tell you otherwise!). That's why the whole plastic surgery thing is and should be for YOU and not for someone else's ideas.

Hmmmm... shutting up now...

Thanks Purrrkitte & Vgal,

I still haven't gotten used to my new cut but I can get ready much faster now. I did get a few compliments but I think they were saying that to be nice. Of course one came from my friend whose almost 6ft tal with real long perfect blonde hair. But she's sweet because she will never say anything negative to you. (Of course I'm thinking can I have some of your hair until mine grows back.) And another good thing is it doesn't matte up anymore. It tangles so easily because of the fine texture.

Vgal, What you said reminds me of my father who is pretty shallow. He pretty much taught me when I was young that being fat or ugly will never get you a man. I had a eating disorder by the time I was 11 & as a kid hated the fat & ugly kids & didn't realize there was anything wronge with that until I got older. I was never a bully because I was much smaller then the other kids, so I knew better. Of course whenI was a teenager he ended up leaving my mom for a younger women who was the same age as my older brother. I made amends with him but my brother still to this day won't have anything to do with him.

have you ever noticed that the men that wear those skimmpy undies are the ones noone really wants to see in them. LOL

I don't know if JLo makes undies , I know she does make jeans.

BTW congrats on the Masters. Have you gone out to celebrate? I went to the DR & my weight is fine.

Purrrkitte,
I remeber once I got one of those Wonder bras. So people could stop wondering if I really had boobs. LOL It was the most uncomfortable bra ever. I used to call it my bullet proof vest. Plus it was defintly noticable that I was wearing a padded bra. I went from samll to large in afew seconds. And some people had to tease me about it too. So I stopped wearing it.
I don't know what makes me feel sexy now, thongs are now out of the question I noticed I was getting a stretch mark on my butt. Oh well.

Y'all have a great evening.

PK, I can think of two men celebrity wise who looked better as women than me – Rupaul and Alexis Arquette. It doesn’t take much to look more convincing as a woman than me though, so I suppose that’s not saying much! Then again, it could be why I’ve always been attracted to men in a skirt…..

J.Lo does have a clothing line and I hear that her jeans are specifically made for “ethnic women” or “women of colour” who generally have more curves than the average Anglo. Whatever that means. What it means to me is that I have a tiny waist and HUGE thighs which means that if I’m between sizes (kind of a nice thing when you’re losing weight actually) I can’t find a pair of trouser/jeans that fit me properly. I most of the time have the annoying baggy waist syndrome, or occasionally the baggy seat problem when I buy the pants a size larger. It’s aggravating to be sure. It’s also in a way discouraging when you don’t quite fit into your old “fat” clothes and yet can’t quite squeeze into a smaller version. But I always say “YET”. I learnt that from my yoga instructor. She always says, don’t say “can’t” or “never”, etc. always say “yet” when discussing a pose. Now I’ve tried to apply that to daily life. As in, “I haven’t lost all my weight, yet.”

Try it, it works.

And for the record, no matter how much I want to be anorexically skinny, etc. I will NEVER be that skinny. I’m Hispanic we are genetically predispositioned to be hippy or thighy or butty, etc. I’ll be a kids size XS on top but a large or medium women’s on bottom. I guess my reality check was watching “Mr. & Mrs. Smith” on the big screen and coming to the conclusion that 1) Angelina Jolie has the most perfect body ever and 2) no amount of diet and exercise will ever get to a Ms. Jolie state of perfection. All I can do is be the best my body can be. Sigh

How’s that for depressing?

I have not read the Poulton book, but I will check it out of the library. I’m always picking up feminist theory type of stuff and am fascinated by the amount of literature and research being done on the subject. The issue though is what is being DONE to counter the infiltration of industry standards on everyday ways of thinking and viewing the human body. I’m a lot less forgiving of other people and actually have come to feel alternately worried and sad when I see morbidly obese people. I don’t make fun of them, rather feel very sad for them because of the damage they are doing to their bodies. I know where they’re coming from, whether it’s psychological or physiological - I’m coming from a little of both. The fashion/beauty industry has perverted our thinking, I’ll be the first to admit it. I read those magazines, I’ve bought into the ideal, do I want the next generation to do the same? Hell, no. But what can we do right now to change the tide?

Push-up bras are a fact of life for basically any woman who happens to own a pair of her own boobs. Sadly, for those of us on the smaller to non-existent side, you are then faced with the dilemma of not only having to endure with the often uncomfortable, sometimes downright painful underwire for the push up portion, but also with the HEAVY padding that must exist in order to “create” the illusion of breasts/cleavage. I’m not sure which is worse (droopy v. none) because as I have no boobs, I can’t comment on the whole sag factor, but removing a padded push up bra is quite possibly the most horrifically scarring event in a woman’s life simply for the reaction shot. That being, the look of utter and overwhelmingly disappointment from your partner when the bra comes off and so do your “breasts”. That is why I refuse to have sex ever again before I’ve had surgery either way.

I can’t believe you got your boobs pierced! Wow. Talk about calling attention to an area that you wouldn’t necessarily want noticed. Admirable. I don’t know what makes me feel sexy, nothing I do does I guess. Having my musician boy notice me and comment about it made me feel sexy, but its always an outside source, otherwise I’m pretty much asexual.

Josie, enjoy the compliments. No one can ever talk shit about a pregnant woman. It’s the only time in your life you’ll get to be insult free, so revel in it! And short hair takes time to get used to and to “grow” into, it might be a few weeks before you start to like the new do. All my GFs who have kids cut their hair once the baby was born because it was one less thing they had to hassle with, particularly in summer heat.

I was brought up with the same mindset, even now with two degrees under my belt, I’m still not really anything because I’m over 30 without kids and/or a husband. I’m like some sort of freak. As proud as my family is, and they are, they still believe that I should be married at the very least by now. Especially since all my other cousins of childbearing age are married with children at this point. Here I am; poor sad lonely spinster of the parish. I’m not even sure what accomplishment impresses them more – the fact that I just completed a master’s degree or the fact that I’ve lost 60 lbs. I’ve had an eating disorder since I was 12. I always say, I grew up in the Karen Carpenter generation, which is why I have such a hard time eating for fuel, etc. when I diet. To me, food is the enemy.

Speaking of feeling like nothing and not eating. I have no appetite. I saw my musician
boy last nite and he is most definitely seeing/dating the non-descript brunette with tacky red shoes. Except now, she seems to exclusively wear these black and white checkerboard Vans all the time. Zero sense of style and so bland it hurts your eyes. I don’t know why I bother going thru the trouble of getting all glammed up (even moderately) when I know the second she walks in the door my heart will sink with defeat (and it did). Inside me, there is the eternal glimmer of hope. Now that might be all fine and dandy for a new lipstick or moisturizer but not for love. Not when its obvious he doesn’t want me and I can’t figure out why. Why her?

There is nothing worse than someone trying to comfort you, saying that it's "his loss". What the hell does that mean?!?!? It doesn't make me feel any better.