oh oh oh, all of that pissed me off, and yes, family does seem to be worst of all sometimes, but epecially a mother that would treat her daughters so differently like that, feeding one dessert and telling the other no because she looked like she had the potential to be fat. that's just mean and makes one wonder what damage it causes not only between mother and child, but sister and sister as well. she could have fixed low fat dessert for everyone then or skipped it alltogether. it's a treat, not a necessity. you'll notice there is many references to school here too, children are nortoriously cruel. always have been, always will be i think. sad and sorry to see how it sticks with people. as you heal your mind, body, and soul, i think it loses it's power, but sometimes it takes people a long time to get there and the destruction can be enormous.

In Jr High School I was called a "Beached Whale" by a boy who outweighed me by at least 50 lbs.

*shrugs*

I think the worst feeling I've had was when my bf (at the time) called me a fat ass. Of course I knew I was fat but the fact that my bf could say that to me really hurt. I started to cry and he, of course, ridiculed me for that too. Jerk!

Well as the short round kid all throughout jr high school I had my share of being refered to as waddles, chubby, lard a$$ and the list could go on. However I could take it, so I thought, looking back I sincerely believe that is why I struggle with self confidence.

The one time I remember the most was when about 8 guys from work went out to lunch. We all sit down to lunch and the waitress comes to get drink orders. As I did back then, I ordered a diet coke. As the waitress walks away, this jack arse who is still living his jock days from highschool, says, " Isn't that funny that the fattest guy here orders the diet coke". Well it sent me over the top, I told him that he was a jack arse, and got up and walked out. I don't know what it was, but that was the most it ever got to me.

Another big reminder that sent me over the edge was when my grandmother, whom I hadn't seen for some time, came to my parents for Thanksgiving. The first thing she did was look at my waist line and say, " Boy your not going hungry, are you". The only consulation to me, was that she was this way to everyone of her kids and grandkids. We now go to family reunions, and even at the size I am now, I'm one of the smallest and that is out of over 100 people.

I have vowed not to do that with my kids. I'm leading by example. I will never even suggest my son is getting chubby to his face, but I will suggest more time outside playing. I can't criticize his eating, because he eats extremely well and does not like candy. But I will never ruin his self image if I can help it.

I didn't plan on going this long, but I guess when something strikes me, I just have to speak my mind. Sorry for monopolizing the thread.

Interesting and poignant posts. Thanks everyone.

When I think back it is the suggestions from family and loved ones that were the most sad and painful. Things like "You should lose some weight because you have such a pretty face". I know that they are trying to be kind but it always made me feel terrible. Like I was too heavy and disappointing them somehow...

Thinking back there was always loaded language used for any overweight woman in our house. Things like "but she keeps herself very well" or "she is very neat" or even "she is a good housekeeper" like that somehow redeemed an overweight woman somehow.

My mother and grandmother tried to encourage/help me to lose weight in many ways from the time I was 13 or so. I might have been 10-20 pounds overweight (and was playing all kinds of sports) when it started and I remember my Mom paying for me to go a Diet Centre in Grade 9. It was almost like I was letting them down somehow by not being perfect, a beauty queen. I imagine they thought my experience of life would be much better if I were thin.

I know they were coming from a place of love and concern but as I raise my daughter I am also very resolute in encouraging her to eat well by example and letting her relish in the power of her wonderful body rather than how it looks to some objectifying, critical social gaze...

SF

You all know how my life is. What an amazing thing to come here and share in our hurtful stories, but not feel ashamed. Instead I feel like I am not the bad one. I hear the other mothers and fathers as well. I have a 1 year old son, and though I am terrified that he will grow up and be fat, I am trying to not make that happen. I try to feed him the best and at 14 months he has never had juice, french fries, fast food, nadda~ However, I do buy those Gerber Toddler meals. Easy. I want him to know that no matter what I love him. I had such a hard time growing up, and in my marriage today I am always waiting for my DH to leave me. I feel like that feelign is going away the more confidence I have. Oh, just know I am with you all in this fight.

J

My mom always had the ups and downs in weight-dad never did. Ithink thats the way it is in most families-I was never happier than when my A$$hole father got old and starting putting his beer belly on. he never got it, used to razz us over everything. How dare we consider eating in between meals as teenaged athletes??? How you like it now, pal!?!?!

Moms usually know how to say hey-im getting a little worried, youre putting on weight and thats not healthy-but her approach was caring and about how do we get you back healthy. I clearly remember her warnings, and wasnt hurt by them-only frustrated because I saw it happening and was helpless to do anything about it because I was losing my mind.

Wish we could not let the name calling hurt.

I haven't been called anything because of my weight but I've heard people have assumed bad things, like in high school because I was real thin & hyper alot of people assumed I did drugs. And then after gaining weight in my ealy 20's some people thought I was pregant.

Those even though they didn't say it to my face.

And their were a couple of times I got called a B_ _ _ _ _.

Oh, I remember my ex husband compared me to "chop meat" and his beautiful young new girlfriend to filet mignon. I was about 200 lbs at the time and she was about 110 soaking wet! The funny thing is, my best friend was there when this was said, and she didn't realize how hard it hit me. In my mind, that just meant I was fat and ugly and this young girl was thin and beautiful. hmmm I just smiled when that relationship ended.. jajajaja

My father's comments were the worst, for the simple fact that they were coming from my dad. One stands out in particular, though. We had company from out of town, and were about to take a drive and show them around the city. My father was testing his video camera in preparation and took a shot of me bent over, then played the video back on the TV. He said, almost absentmindedly, "Wow, "Jane". Looking at your butt here, I can't tell if you're a human female or a water buffalo." I looked around the room in shock, and everyone was averting their eyes, so embarrassed for me and unable to make eye contact or comment. Dad seemed completely unaware of the silence in the room or the fact I was fighting back tears during the entire drive.

There is a definite prevalent theme here...the father's are the ones that seem to be the real culprit. As I was said in an earlier post, my father was the source of the worst things said to me about my weight. It seems that this is the same for a LOT of other people too. Being fat is one part food and one part emotional, so it makes me wonder if our fathers were a large part of that. Interesting.

Strange, my father never said anything about my weight, but we didn't see each other too often after he and my mom divorced.

Now my mom was on me if I gain 5 lbs. or lost 5 lbs. from my goal. It wasn't because I weighed all the time, she could just see it. She didn't say anything too negative either, just that I was either getting too thin or that I had better watch what I eat for a week or two, because my weight was creeping up.

BUT my mom and I's relationship was so awful in other ways, it makes me wonder once I moved away from her, if my weight gain wasn't an in your face comment to her that she couldn't control me anymore. I don't know, but I sure wish I would get past it if that's it.

UNBELIEVABLE!!!

I cannot believe how many of you wonderful women received the ridicule from your own Dad

First let me say that I think this thread is great. I dont think its that sad. I think its very theraputic for us to be able to write about and read about these nasty memories.

Well, I dont recall any name calling or ridicule from my family about my weight. I do remember some of the kids in grade school were cruel, but I dont remember any specific names at the moment.

But I do recall the following names from my High School days:
fat a$$, lard a$$, silo & the final one that I can finally laff at today...

Skylab - becasue I was big, round and floated in the sky.
Aren't friends great???

Wow. Just wow.

After reading this thread, a different type of comment comes to mind that hurts, maybe even worse. It's when you DO lose some weight (even if you are not at goal) ... and you get the backhanded compliment that is like a punch in the stomach: The
"Oh, you're looking sooo much BETTER! Boy I was wondering when you were finally going to look in the mirror and wake up" - type of 'compliments'.

I think that those hurt even more than the other kinds, because it's as if you are now a different person, so it's ok to slam that 'other, fat person' you were. Like HEY! It's still ME! You didn't like to hang around me before, but now that I look 'good' you want to ...? Screw you. You know what I mean? To me, those comments are most painful. (And I realize that, lots of time, people just don't think before they speak -- but to me, that's no excuse! I don't tell someone with a nose job how ugly they looked all their life when they had their 'old' nose. Why would this be any different?)

-Cricket (taking a deep breath. I think I feel better now!)

Being called fat by my brother as children bothered me then. But, that doesn't bother me nearly as much as a recent comment by a co-worker. Despite eating right and vigorous exercise, I lose weight very slowly and stall a lot. One day when everyone was standing around on break eating donuts, and I pulled out my broccoli with dip for a snack instead because I never eat that type of junk, he said "She probably eats 6 of them (donuts) when no one is looking."