Yes! What she said! I totally agree

Potatofree,
This is not the first time you've claimed that many of us who have made it to our goal weights deem those who have not as unworthy of holding opinions. In a journal entry you said to me "I know I am too fat to have an opinion" or something like that. Personally I don't know where or how you got that idea, since I never for a moment thought people who did not make goal don't deserve an opinion. I don't think you're ignorant. I think ignorance is rarely the reason for stalling (IMHO it's justification & denial much more often than true ignorance, if "approach" is to blame for the stall).

I think those who don't push by reducing (or exercising) more are making of choice, a perfect valid one. My opinion of people who have not made goal and are basically maintaining is not that they don't deserve an opinion because they don't know anything. It is that they have indirectly chosen a path different from myself. They have chosen to maintain their weights above goal, by continuing in their lifestyle habits, instead changing things (i.e. sacrificing) and losing more.

I do think on average this camp likely does not prioritize the importance of goal weight and thinness as much as we who cut back more to get to goals, but I don't think this makes for an inferior or weak person. It's a totally benign choice and personal preference... like choosing a color of car. I just think we have different priorities, at this point in my life thinness is really important. It might not be as important to you. To others it might only be important to get control over the gain cycle, to reduce weight partially, or to control and avoid disease complications. It's a difference. I don't think this is bad, or makes you bad, just different.

The only problem I have are those who want their cake and eat it to. What they're doing isn't working (to lose weight) any longer, they extend their hand for advice by posting about their problems in a support forum... but then they lash out at you for suggesting they change things and giving them examples of things you do & have found to work to reduce weight. I've been lashed out at, accused of being a bossy know it all, been told how it's "easy" for me and impossibly hard for them so I can't possibly know how they struggle, etc. That just isn't fair. Either accept you have decided losing weight is not important to the point where you will make further sacrifices, and STOP asking for help & then attacking everyone who makes suggestions (because they don't "get" how hard it is for you only ) ... or decide you're ready to make additional sacrifices, ask for help from others who have been where you are, trying what they found helpful.

Or to be blunt, the problem I have is with those of us who don't really want to give up the comfort zone of eating habits that support heavier weights, while also expecting to have the same results as those of us who are exercising a lot more, and eating a lot less, and getting genuinely insulted when we suggest they try it too if they want to lose faster (or further).

Why thank you Tom

I think quite a few of us could take offence at your wording here, Wooo. Very few of us "choose" to have problems such as hormones, thyroid dysfunction, drug side effects and so on.

Your weight loss was very easy, partly because you are young. Please don't judge those of us who are older and have medical problems by your standards.

But of course that's not at all what this thread is actually about. As I see it, Tater simply meant that we should take advice given for what it is, not because of who has given it. It has bothered me also to see people post that they look at someone's stats before bothering to take the advice given.

Just my 2 cents...

Rosebud

Good point.
I agree weight does not always correlate to knowledge. Some people know a lot about how to lose but are not at goal because losing further is not important enough for the sacrifice required... but they are like an encyclopedia of knowledge about metabolism & weight control .
Others did some half cocked "bacon and mcdonalds sausage" diet, lost a hundred pounds rapidly, and know nothing.

Sometimes stats reflect knowledge, other times not. IMO I don't think it correlates strongly, at least not as strongly as demonstrating helpful advice (to assist people), knowledge, and doing it for a long time does. Although I do admit I tend to think those who claim to want thinness badly (and ready to change to get it), people who know their stuff, yet have stalled out for years... I tend to think some denial and justification might be involved there sometimes (unless that person is afflicted with some kind of physical problem that makes their body super resistant to weight loss even when eating lower cal & exercising more).

This is what I'm talking about.
Why must I "choose careful wording" and never insinuate those who are heavier are often (but not always) choosing comfortable & convenient behaviors that result in cessation of weightloss, meanwhile I am not shown the same respect by being told and I quote "my weight loss was very easy"?

I respect older people have slower metabolisms, and I respect that people with diseases have slower metabolisms. But my metabolism isn't exactly a racehorse, either. To get to the weight I am I had to eat near 1100 cals (and I am VERY meticulous about counting), I increased activities and reduced "conveniences", like driving, to almost nonexistence. To maintain it I eat much lower cal than many of those in the TDC who are maintaining heavier weights (1400-1500).

I never take full portions of anything. I divide protein bars into quarters, a quarter is a treat-serving.
I never use full fat products. The delicious nut-meal confections with full fat cream cheese and heavy cream? The delicious rich creamed spinach dishes, quiches, etc, big steaks, buffalo wings, fried foods...
A memory, unless I want a sliver-portion or am having a rare treat (which I have to compensate for).


The bottom line is the number one factor distinguishing the TDCers who make it to goal from the TDCers not, is more often sacrificing more.

It's possible I could be wrong, but you know, it's also possible you could be wrong that it's "easy" for us, and that we are "lucky" and you are not. That's never even considered but we always hear about how hard the slow losers have it and how easy everyone else does...
which IMO is very offensive to me as I don't appreciate having my struggles and accomplishment trivialized. Maybe I'm being oversensitive but my whole life I've been told "I coulda done it any time I wanted to", that it is so easy, and to me this sounds like more of the same.

Woo, I think you missed my point completely. You stated point blank that some of us "have chosen to maintain our weights above goal." How do you know that?
As for your journey, I am going by information you yourself have posted. I am also, sadly, well aware, also from information you have posted, that you have an eating disorder.

I just wanted to point out to you that you could be more careful with your wording. There have been enough hurt feelings here recently without add more...

Rosebud

Well, if I suggest that someone might want to try cutting back on fat (when this person admits they eat lots of full fat products), and that person reacts as if I asked them to fast in the desert for a week to drop a pound... and proceeds to accuse me in not so many words of being condescending know it all who had a free ride and can't possibly understand how much harder it is for them...

I don't know. Switching from full fat to reduced fat is such a minor trivial change, it's hard for me to imagine someone who prioritizes goal weight like I do would find it a huge sacrifice. Likewise, I find it hard to imagine that someone who is genuinely looking for advice would snap like a frightened animal at people making suggestions as to what does and does not work, balking at the suggestion (self-evident as it is) that what they are doing is no longer working and they must do something differently to lose more.

You know, I'm being really clumsy in my wording here and I'm sure lots of people are fuming, but at this point I no longer care since I've been offended plenty. I've already been told I had a free ride with my loss (yet in a seeming paradoxical contradiction, I am told I am eating disordered and thus starving myself, thus struggling).

It was stupid to post in this thread. Forget it.

The original topic, as I understood it, is not about people being too fat or too skinny to give advice. Rather, it's about how some posters have advocated using the profile stats to determine whose advice to heed. If there's only a small loss in spite of lc'ing for a long period of time, then that member's advice isn't as valuable as someone whose stats indicate a larger and faster loss.

Perhaps it would be better if the thread were titled, "How slow is too slow for the stats to change before you no longer qualify to have an opinion?"


Doreen

Exactly, Doreen.

Wooo- if you've given the best advice you have and the person chooses to ignore it, you've done what you could.

I'm not going to get into the whole "wanting it bad enough" debate again, that's been talked to death. You're entitled to your opinion, I just happen to disagree.

You, yourself, have said this was your first attempt at weight loss, and you're MUCH younger than me. Even though your weight loss is tremendous, you have no experience at being a perimenopausal single parent. That doesn't mean your advice is worthless, or that I'm going to ignore it, just that a lot of it may not apply to me, and vice-versa if I express an opinion to you.

In general (not just addressed to Wooo) there's nothing inherently wrongw ith using someone's profile and stats to guage how closely their journey compares to yours as a PART of your consideration of their advice... one element, NOT the whole (low-carb) enchilada.

I am an older woman with an untreated underactive thyroid, a damaged metablism (according to my doctor), and many health issues yet I don't use them as an excuse for not reaching my goal weight. I am not at my goal because I choose to eat too many allowable carbs and I choose to not exercise as I know I should. I don't think age has a thing to do with it and let's face it...we all have eating disorders of one degree or another...why else would we have gotten so fat in the first place? Definitely didn't happen overnight!

Actually, it can be. I sat on an airplane a few weeks ago with two women. I'm a 250 pound white guy. These women, one African American, one (east) Indian, and I had a long, great discussion on a number of things. Race was one, and I was told that I couldn't appreciate the difficulties of being black in America. Fair enough, I said, but I asked if the misery of being a lifelong fat kid might help me understand it to a degree other typical white guys couldn't. She admitted that our experiences, while vastly different, could have some similarities.

We had stuff to teach each other, and advice about some things, that while coming from different perspectives, probably shared some experiences.

Good advice is good advice. I don't want to hear some asinine jerkwad tell me "eat less, exercise more," if he's never walked in my shoes. You know the attitude. But advice given from a positive perspective, with a good heart, never bothers me.

Well said, Kyrasdad!

I know that I've never been a TDC-er--but I've been 50+pounds or more overweight for long stretches of my life. I'm far enough from my goal and not knowing what to do next to move on. I'm fortunate that my doctor knows how complex it is for me--being near 50 years of age, perimenopausal, with a lot of various stress in my life.

She's also suggested that all the dieting/fasting and rapid weight gain back (read: bulimic behavior) I did throughout most of my life probably messed with my metabolism.

So I do take exception to the folks who--although they might have the kindest of intentions--do that "eat less, exercise more" routine.

And maybe I don't want it enough. *shrugs shoulders*

Life is going on and I want to be a particpant, not sitting in the sidelines. My weight is not the only aspect of my life that I have to deal with, you know?

I'm relatively new here, but, WOW!....Does this really happen?? I have not seen these types of judgements here in the forum yet. I would assume that each of us has our own list of factors that affect our weight loss goals and that NOBODY could ever judge someone else on their speed of losses or levels of commitment.

As much as I want to lose this weight, it is not always an option, or a priority to drop everything, grab a lettuce wrap and hit the gym.
Perhaps some people are better able to 'focus' when they have fewer distractions. Some of us have emotional issues, health issues, age and environment...bla bla bla.

I don't think that I would like to be told that I don't want it bad enough. I still would like to think that my opinions are somewhat welcome even though I am in a stall, or I fell off the wagon for a little while.

All of us should be applauded for BEING here. That is surely the biggest tell that we have goals and wish to accomplish them. The numbers should not matter too much. Some of those who have lost lots, still have a lot of "work" to do.

I don't DISagree with everything you've said, and I'm, pleased for you that you've isolated those factors that seem to be interfering with your own weight goals. That doesn't mean you have the right to tell others to ignore other people's advice because they haven't lost as much as you have.