Elle,
I hear ya!
You simply have to get to a place where you can function.
I am on Zoloft at the moment though I hope that I can healed enough to get off of it at some point as I certainly don't want to be on it forever.
I have a suggestion that I strongly strongly encourage my friends with small children to do. TAKE A BREAK!!
Especially if you are a stay-at-home-Mommy!!
I've heard it said (I think by Dr. Dobson) that you should try to set time aside each week just for you (1 hour per year of age that your pre-school children are). Even if you tried to half that, it might refresh you much more than you can imagine. It is not in the slightest a selfish thing. You sincerely are only benefitting your children and husband whom you love because you return to them better than you left. You ultimately are giving them a very important gift.
As for you and your husband, have you considered making a date night each week where you hire a babysitter and make it a night just for the two of you. If funds are tight then just get the heck out of the house and go for a cup of coffee...if they are tighter still, find a friend that you could set up a babysitting trade out on a regular basis. THAT would be giving your husband a gift, yourself a gift and really your children also.
Believe me, I remember what is like to have little ones (although I only had 2, they were livewires.). i know how very exhausting life can be during that season of life...every single day. THAT is why you so desperately need these breaks. I encourage you to do whatever it takes (even if ya have to move heaven and earth) to get some YOU time as well as YOU and HUBBY time. Sooo important!
The Zoloft has helped me quite a bit. I can't say that I am where I'd like to be, but it has certainly improved my "coping" abilities from day to day. The things that overwhelmed me before either don't at all now or don't as much.
Have you tried any natural remedies such as St. John's Wort??
Welp, whatever you choose to do, God bless ya lots!
Do hang in there. You WILL make it!! Take less than 1 day at a time. Take 5 minutes at a time. Chew off bite sized, realistic, pieces that you can accomplish and no more. Be gracious to yourself as you go through this challenging time.
Give yourself the permission to throw yourself on the floor every day and just play LIKE a child with your kids. They will love it and you really will too!! It's fun to be a kid for a few minutes and fun to come down to their level.
God Bless,
Mindy