Heres a little of my story in OA:

First of all, my first meeting was in 1988, I was 37/38 yrs old and was gaining due to overeating from anger/stress/anxiety/fear.....my therapist at the time kept telling me that I had to stop gaining....I was pushing 200/215 lbs....she kept telling me to go to OA meeting ....and I always had tons of excuses. That wasn't me!! Thats not my problem...I am not really that big!! blech....I was in such denial.....I did go to a meeting and sat in the back and refused to connect with anyone. I still did not relate. and I still had tons of excuses. and I was still hysterical about the fact that I was gaining weight and could not stop eating.

By the time I hit 39 yrs old, my weight had gotten to 250 lbs. I then spent the better part of that year getting my weight to an all time high of 287 lbs. and I was still in denial that I had a problem......then began the stream of diets.....optifast....medifast....weight watchers 5 times....nutrisystem....jenny craig.....fenfen....and the list goes on and on...I kept losing and gaining the same 50 lbs over and over again. and I was still in denial......

By the time I was 45 yrs old, I weighed 240 lbs and was happy to not be 280!! an ex BF had contacted to take this bovine crap before bedtime as it helped you to lose while you slept!! geeezzz...I'd fall for any gimmick!! I was trying to use and and also sell it when I met a woman who was short and overweight.....I was helping her with her puppy. I told her about the bovine crap and she laughed at me!! She told me that she doesn't torcher herself about her weight and that she was not interested in the product. I begged her to tell me what she meant!! She finally told me about her program in OA....I asked if I could go to a meeting with her and so I went...and went again....and again.....because I was desperate....I had hit my bottom....my life was in a shambles...I was on the verge on bankruptcy, I had lost my business and could not find a job...I did not have money for food and my father turned his back on me. He was ashamed of me....I was in terrible emotional pain about my situation. things were looking very grim....


I started to pray to St Jude...the patron saint of lost causes. I'm a Jew so this was a stretch for me. But I didn't care so I prayed on.....for help, for answers....and I got help and answers but not in the way I had expected!! I stumbled across a book at that time, an astrology book on Pluto problems. Pluto is strong in my chart so I bought the book with my very last $10-. When I got home, there was $40- waiting for me that someone had owed me. I took this as a sign that I was on the right track. as I read the book, I felt like the author was talking to me!! She said to go to 12 step recovery...as I was already doing. So I kept going and asked my new friend to be my sponsor. She agreed but only if I did exactly as she told me. I agreed and became her sponsee...

I had to go to 90 meeting in 90 days. I had to call her everday and tell her what I had eaten the day prior. I had to keep a written log of my food. I had to give up something, one thing of my choice so I let go of sugar. She told me that I could have 3 meals a day with 2 snacks....no seconds on the meal, just what was on my plate. She was giving me the boundaries that I could not give to myself. I was so very grateful for this. I did exactly as I was told!! I learned the program...I became abstinent....as I worked the program, I let go of more things. I became committed to the FAA food plan as my sponsor was. FAA is no sugar, no flour, no wheat. I quickly figured out, as any good carb addict would, that I could still eat potatoes and rice and I did!! I lost weight and got down to 210!! There are wonderful tings about OA....the things that helped me the most were the education I got about my compulsive eating, the insanity of dieting and diet pills....its not about being on a diet. I got that finally!! I had to stop trying to diet because any changes that I made had to be permanent.

stuff happened...my dad passed away in 1998, my sponsor made a big mistake and our relationship fell apart because of it. I was so disappointed and hurt....I let my whole program go. My weight went back up one more time...this time to 274....six years later and having encountered yet another, what I thought, failure, I was once again facing the daunting task of tackling my morbid obesity. sigh But this time I had learned things that I did not forget....When I first heard about South Beach, I knew it was something that I could live with. I was ready to make a change!!

During the 6 yrs after OA, I spent years in therapy, examining the things that I ate over. I n ow have knowledge of my triggers that I didn't have before. I now know what to do when I feel like doing damage....I seek a friend to vent to....I write about it....I find another person to vent to and write some more....I thought that I had it under control...that nasty demon inside me....truth be told...he lurks beneath the surface ready to pop up at the least bit of provocation.

Even after being on this plan for over 1 yr...I had to see my sister last month. I thought that I'd be OK but I wasn't. What I thought was a carb up cycle..turned into a junky carb fest!! When I found myself putting hand to bag to mouth to bag to mouth to bag to mouth....I suddenly caught myself!! It was so compulsive that I was shocked!! I took that bag and dumped it down to garbage disposal. I was glad that I was able to do that. It was not my sister's fault....she didn't do anything wrong. Just being in her presence dredges up all those feelings of being a failure and worthless, unlovable by my very own family. The further I get from her, the better I am. I spent an entire year in therapy dealing with the guilt of estranging myself from her. It was the right thing for me to do.


so this is a small part of my eating/dieting history. I have been where you all are now. If I come across too strong, I'm sorry!! I am passionate about this subject and have been there. I know the demon well...I am his worst nightmare...when a light is shone on him, he fights back!! I know this. Please know that I'm supporting all of you in this fight.

Group hug!!

I would have to say that I started using food to comfort/medicate me at the age of 10 when my mother left with my half brother without even a goodbye. I was an overweight child who looked nothing like the other children my age. I was the one sitting on the swings by myself hoping that someone would come and ask me to play. I was the one always picked last in P.E.I believe I ate to feel love-because I felt noone did. I was alone in my room with my toys, and a distant father.

My feelings about my self as an adult are that I am not worthy to be loved.

These are the reasons I binge or eat off plan, and am going to attempt to challenge these.
Loneliness-Yes, I am lonely right now because my husband is out to sea but I can keep in contact with him through email, and you have a family that loves you dearly
It tastes good-Yes it does, but once on the lips always on the hips
Boredom-I still have that crocheting sitting in my closet that I havent finished
I'm trying to get my share of the "Good stuff" because I know I wont be able to eat it for a while..You will be able to eat the "Good Stuff" just not right now.
It smells good-Lets go outside and take the dogs for a walk and get a good breath of fresh air
I think that I have enough self control to just have one or just one bite but I dont-Maybe its better to keep the goodies out of sight and out of mind
I figure tomorrow I will be "Good" Why be good tomorrow, why not today?
I figure tomorrow is a new day-Yes it is but lets make today even better
i like the texture of it in my mouth-Why not have a legal sweet treat instead? The texture is just the same
I like to hurt myself, by making myself feel crappy-Why would you want to make yourself feel crappy-your body is your temple, cherish it
I like the sugar high why not hop on the treadmill and get those endorphins flowing?
I try to cover up my feelings with food-Why not come online and talk it over with your friends
I had a crappy childhood Yes you did but your father is trying to make up for it the best way he can

OMG this exercise really is worthy of doing because it really made me think...

You know what I find to be strange?

Everyone here has some sort of emotional baggage, if you will, tied to their overeating it seems....which really sucks and that must make it even harder to kick a habit like that. But for me...honestly, the only reason I do it...I am F'ING HUNGRY!! Lol. That is all.

I actually think, if you get away from the food, going outside for a walk or something like that. That DOES help. Because you get moving and then sometimes you realize that you aren't hungry.

I thought it was humourous last night though, I had one of my green tea pills that are supposed to repress hunger....yeah, they make you sick to your stomach like 10 minutes later, of course your not going to want to eat. Feh.

In response to:

This exercise is designed to help you turn back the clock and get to the heart of why you overeat. Get a pen and some paper and write down your answers to the questions below.

1. When did you start using food for non-nutritional reasons? Why was it that you started medicating yourself with food, taking care of yourself with food and comforting yourself with food? Go back to that time and write down what you were feeling and experiencing at the time.

I was young I guess. My mother was working fulltime to support me. I was what you call a “latch-key kid” Food was always a treat of some type for me. I can remember wonderful memories of eating new stuff. My mother to this day is a hoarder. If something is on sale buy a lot of it. If you made chili, make enough so you could freeze it for 50 other dinners. I started eating to keep me filled up. My father is a good man but to this day has no common sense or any idea what his actions, or inactions may affect others. He and I bonded over fishing, that’s about it. My mother threw him out because he would avoid conflict by going fishing. Maybe my fill up was the lack of a father, but hey I’m no shrink. I remember my mother chaining up and putting a paddle lock on the fridge because of her limited income I was eating all the food. I could pick the lock, and even once took off the hinges of the fridge.

2. Write down all of the insecurities that you're feeling right now.

Number 1 insecurity right now is this exercise. I feel that my youth is a little embarrassing on the food subject. My way of thinking is that I am not that big, just big boned, and then I look at my picture. I see myself in the picture and realize that I am not a sexy hunk that I think I am. (I base sex on 95% of my thought process so please bare with. This is my inner thoughts.) I want not only to be loved but also desired sexually. With these problems food is not at the forefront but ultimately is the cause of my insecurities lying in the background, waiting to be eaten.

3. Now look at your answers to question one and question two together. The answers to question two may be more specific because you don't have to remember as far back, but do you see similarities?

Other than food has always filled me up, either with happiness, or a lack of sexual desirability.

4. Now take every comment, fear and anxiety that you wrote down in response to questions one and two and challenge them. In writing. For example, if one of your fears is, "My spouse isn't really attracted to me because of my weight," challenge it by writing down a piece of evidence. Evidence isn't, "Because that's the way I feel." Write down any facts you have that can support your challenge. For example, "My spouse met, fell in love with, and married me while I was at my heaviest weight."

This one will be posted later tonight. I might get too R rated….Hee Hee!!!!

Judy,thank you sooo much for sharing your success story with us truly..I honestly appreciate it because this gives me hope that it can be done

BigDaddy-Great job on the exercise!! I know its hard being honest but we're here to support you...


Big Group Hug!!!

on no binging and emotional eating. Can I get a woot woot for slynng!!

Its my pleasure Pete!! We were always friends!! it was your demon that hates me!!

Thanks for the lovely flowers!!

hi you guys ....judy wow. i had no idea. pete my girl,you are sooo strong to be here sharing these things with us. thank you sooo much for starting this thread. i have sat here all day reading and writing in a note book .i started with the exersice you posted and decided to write it in a personal note book because it was so very very long. a quick sum up of what i have discovered is prob. the root of my disorder is kinda like bigdaddy, i was also i latch key child, meaning that my mother was not home when i came home from school. i was also responsible for taking care of my younger sister. we were not allowed to leave the house. we could not go out side and play because my parents were not home and they were afraid that we would get hurt . my parents did the best they could to take care of us but we didnt always have a lot of food. lots of carby foods like mac and cheese and breakfast cereals.....and guess where my father worked?? nabisco cookie company. we had all the free cookies we could eat. not having money or parents home to cook my sister and i would come in and eat cookies for hours . not being able to go out side we got very little exercise. the older i got ...(we both got) the weight became an issue. we had just each other as friends and we did together what we always did. when others rejedted us we sat and cried together and ate . it was our comfort. it was really all we had. as a teenager i got very quickly attached to any one who paid any attention to me. i looked in the mirrow and thought .."im gross who would want me".the older i got and became a little bit more independent, i would go to work and out to eat. i would buy a large stoffers lasagna and eat it all by myself. when most girls were getting ready for prom i was meeting my sister at redlobster . we didnt know how to interact with other people.when i did date it was with other guys that were compulsive over eaters. we both married over eaters. she is still ...mine divorsed me soon after the birth of my daughter. with the horrible depression that left me with, i pulled myself together and got 2 jobs to support her. not being able to spend much time with her broke my heart. but i did lose about 50 lbs in the process...it didnt stay off long. i met and married my husband and i no longer had to work at all. gained it all back and more. since that time it has been redux , fen fen ,binge purge, anorixia,over the counter diet pills, you name it. when i first started low carbing i knew this was something i could live with.even now when im having a day where a massive binge is very possible, i do know that i will keep trying .every day i have to keep trying.

Judy, THANK YOU. I wish I could hug you. I am so glad you shared this info with us.

I know that they hold a lunch hour meeting on Mondays and a 7:30 pm meeting on Thursdays.One of the ladies told me to commit to going for 6 weeks and after that, decide how I feel about OA.....

I just want to be FREE from using food as a weapon, a drug, a vice.....I want to have a positive association to it. I can't do this starving/bingeing crap the rest of my life....so I guess this is a good start.

I'm worried about tonight.....I want to binge....but I will try extra hard to stay in line.

Sherry your last words of how you just have to keep trying really moved me. It really made me think about how many times I have fallen, and how many times I have gotten back up. I'm tired of falling down..

Ok Kim!! I hear you!!

What are you going to cook for dinner tonight? Can you make yourself something special and really filling? You've gotta eat so you may as well enjoy it...right?

On the nights that I'm feeling iffy, I make a really good meal and sometimes even cook some dreamfields as that always really fills me up!!

Go for a walk!! Do you have a dog?

Hi Kim, did you try that exercise? You wrote all your negative mental chatter earlier, now why not challenge it? It helped me soo much because I really sat down and put thought into it. For me, my binges have nothing to do with hunger. For me I can eat the legal stuff, and then I'll eat the illegal stuff on top. Its all mental. I'm trying to find where I am able to distinguish true hunger, and eating out of emotion ie binging. I have faith in you!!

If you think about it. We should be like a team. If one overdoes it...you let your team down, right? I like that thinking.

Ayu-I like the concept of being a team but I think that can put unnecassary pressure on people-myself included. For me I would have an episode for instance, and would feel that I wouldnt be able to come here and talk about it because I had let you all down. Does that make sense?

Yeah, that IIIIIIS true. Well, we really can work as a team either way, supporting each other even though we may slip. There is nothing wrong with it and you shouldn't be embarrassed. We have to support each other, we won't be grilling other members because they had a slip up. But make that one of the points not to over do it, right?