Mon, Jul-11-05, 10:34
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Senior Member
Posts: 289
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Plan: south beach/atkins
Stats: 149/147/133
BF:dont know/32%/25%
Progress: 13%
Location: georgia
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ok pete my friend ,here i am.i did not go to work today because of what i did to myself last night.i got up this morning feeling sick and like a failure.i thought i had this under contol. now all i can think about is that cake.theres not but a little bit left and its for my son. not for me. my mind is full of the mental chatter... i cant work or live my life because of what my head is screaming. maybe if i put it on here it wil leave me alone...and those of you who said that you binge on foods you dont even like .im right there with you.i have stood in my kitchen with a spoon in hand eating right out of the pot of food my family did not eat(as fast as i can shovel it in) tears running down my face i would go up to bed because i felt sooo sick.go to sleep and wake up with a little less tight feeling in my stomach and go back down stairs and do it again until i felt sick.go upstairs and lay back down until i woke up the next day and felt like i was not even a human. but some sort of pac- man type of creature.those of you younger it was a vidieo game where this circle eats stuff. my husband knows that i have a problem but has no clue what to do.he thinks right now that i have this under control, beacuse i have stayed on plan.with the exception of last night and binges on legal food that he knows nothing about.sooo here is my mental chatter
i have no friends ,my family loves me fat or thin
i am gonna lose contol at some point might as well be now
i still have all my fat clothes,if you do it you will still have something to wear
my hubby dont look at me with any more desire now that i have lost a few so why do i care
i spent a lot of money on groc. this week i deserve to eat the food the kids dont want it any way
everyone makes fun of me for this woe (co-workers,family ect.) maybe if i go eat with them they will like me.
my weight is down a little bit maybe just a small binge wont hurt ,at some point ill get back on plan
i remember that while i was eating the whole box of cereal,i was happy.i want to feel happy
i ate the cake last night ,see i cant do this
i should just quit my job and lay here and hate myself.any way then no one could see the way i eat.
who cares who cares who cares....
then i cry and say....I THINK I CARE!!!!!! if no one else does i think i do . if i didnt care why would i be trying at all. i hate the way i feel when i m out of control.i HAVE to keep trying.after all iAM SUCCEDING,slowly but i am!!! we can do this!!!!! WE CAN!!! I CARE ABOUT YOU GUYS!!! im here for any of you if you need me!!! im here ,and i care!!!
Last edited by sherrybabe : Mon, Jul-11-05 at 10:56.
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