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  #151   ^
Old Wed, Jan-28-04, 09:08
Anette's Avatar
Anette Anette is offline
New Member
Posts: 17
 
Plan: My Own (based on NT)
Stats: 171/161/140 Female 1,68m
BF:
Progress: 32%
Location: Stellenbosch,South Africa
Default

I must admit that I only discovered this thread now - and further that I did not read all the posts. Just wondered whether there were others who would relate to this crazy self-sabotage...

Before I go on, I'd like to quote can't-remember-who, who said "When we are happy, we are always good; but when we are good, we are not always happy."
I agree with those earlier statements about all aspects of one's life having to be in balance for one to also have this 'food thing' in balance. Even though I believe that I have a very good life, I know that I am not truly fulfilled in my marriage. Being overweight has, however, become a kind of self-defence mechanism. I don't want to be attractive to men, because I am scared that I will fall for the first guy out there who gives me attention. And my good old Calvinist guilt complexes simply will not allow that! The 'solution', therefore? As soon as I lose a significant amount of weight and notice any kind of male attention, I run for the supermarket and buy THE most fattening thing I can find! Not only does that fatten me up back to the point of safety, but I am comforted while eating it

Knowing why I do it and stopping are, unfortunately, two very different things.
Man oh man, it does sound rather crazy black on white... my only consolation is that I know two other people who are overweight and identify with such craziness!

On a more positive note. I think we can all help our children to avoid the trap of comfort eating. When my children are hurt/sad or must drink medicine, I never offer sweets as a 'reward' or comfort - I'd rather leave my office (I work from home) and go and play with them/give them a hug/distract them/help them draw a picture.
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  #152   ^
Old Wed, Jan-28-04, 10:46
gawdess's Avatar
gawdess gawdess is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 1,199
 
Plan: my own way...
Stats: 299/289.6/169 Female 72
BF:
Progress: 7%
Default

I've really started to look at my eating as an addiction issue. The past 6 months on Atkins have been the most controlled weight and eating behavior ever for me. I recently tried to switch to South Beach and failed miserably at it. My cravings returned with the diet switch, along with mood swings and anxiety attacks. I lasted for about a week before having a total eating meltdown. The meltdown involved a container of Brownie Batter Ben and Jerrys, a bag of Cheetos, and all the chocolate in sight. It didnt make me feel better, my blood sugar bottomed out and so did I. I remember distinctly during the ride home after this binge just wanting to make myself throw up and take back the eating I had done. I didnt of course, it was just an urge that came up for me. I've really begun to see my relationship with food as an addiction and am treating it just as that. My self sabotaging moments with food always leave me the loser. I never feel good about it in the end. I am so thankful that low carbing has got my eating under control.
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  #153   ^
Old Wed, Jan-28-04, 14:50
Ruralgurl's Avatar
Ruralgurl Ruralgurl is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 437
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 225/190.5/150 Female 5' 7"
BF:
Progress: 46%
Location: British Columbia
Default

I am glad to see this thread resurrected! Thanks Anette!
I'm just wondering how many people in this thread, have sabbotaged themselves in the last year?
Well you can count me as one, a little older, a little wiser, a few more tools on hand this time around, so lets just see!
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  #154   ^
Old Wed, Jan-28-04, 15:34
Si Belle's Avatar
Si Belle Si Belle is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 1,060
 
Plan: Maintenance
Stats: 163/142/135 Female 5'8"
BF:
Progress: 75%
Location: Ontario, Canada
Default

Guilty of self-sabotage, definitely.
Once in "binge mode" you completely loose control. It's like the only thing you can think of is food food food. Doesn't matter if friends call, you cancel plans and free yourself so you can eat. Generally, this will last 2-3 hours but the end result is overwhelming. Depression, guilt, sadness and self-abusive talk starts. This usually happens when you have lost control over something. Weatherproofing is a cause of this, trying to fix every little problem, controling every situation.
I have seen it with close friends, family members and I have experienced it myself. Now that I recognize it, it doesn't happen anymore.

Annette, you are worthy of the attention. If your marriage isn't making you happy, find what will make you happy. What I"m saying is, relive the moments of happiness with your husband. You both fell in love for a reason, find out what that reason is and build on that. Chances are, he might be feeling the same as you right now.

I hope things work themselves out.
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  #155   ^
Old Wed, Jan-28-04, 17:26
ChristaS's Avatar
ChristaS ChristaS is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 188
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 221/221/190 Female 5'7"
BF:49.5%/48.5%/25%
Progress: 0%
Location: Toledo, Ohio
Default

Annette,
I do the exact same thing to myself- keep myself overweight to keep the men away. If they stay away, they can't break my heart. Unfortunately, if they stay away, it makes it hard to get married and have babies!! I also worry that I won't be able to control myself if I start getting attention from men and that I'll go off the deep end and turn into a hussey! How's that for not having very much faith in oneself? I also don't have very much experience in relationships or dating- one boyfriend for 7 months so far, at 30 years old. Bottom line: I'm afraid of actually finding the right man almost as much as I am of getting hurt and rejected.

It's a self-destructive way of thinking and I have gotten better since starting this WOL. It only took about 10 lbs before heads starting turning. I'm still TERRIFIED that I just might find the guy I'm looking for, but I figure that if I'm a total package and feel great about myself, I'll find someone who will feel great about me too.

Take care!
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  #156   ^
Old Fri, Jan-30-04, 09:02
Si Belle's Avatar
Si Belle Si Belle is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 1,060
 
Plan: Maintenance
Stats: 163/142/135 Female 5'8"
BF:
Progress: 75%
Location: Ontario, Canada
Default

Christa, you are beautiful! When you meet a guy who will make you feel as great as you are, you will start floating and that floating feeling is wonderful.

Even if it doesn't last forever, it is so worth it.
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  #157   ^
Old Fri, Jan-30-04, 16:43
ChristaS's Avatar
ChristaS ChristaS is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 188
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 221/221/190 Female 5'7"
BF:49.5%/48.5%/25%
Progress: 0%
Location: Toledo, Ohio
Default

Thanks, Si Belle. I know I'll find him, and I guess I'm glad I'm not wasting time picking through losers to get to him. Good things are always worth waiting for!
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  #158   ^
Old Fri, Jan-30-04, 19:45
weigh2cool's Avatar
weigh2cool weigh2cool is offline
New Member
Posts: 6
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 148/144/118 Female 5'4"
BF:31%/31%/20%
Progress: 13%
Default I think I qualify

I never really gave much thought to the self sabotage issue, but I realize that looking back on the last 15 - 18 years of my life, the unhappier I became with my marriage, the more I comforted myself with food. My husband always "swore that he'd kick me out if I got fat" and I think on some subconcious level I gained weight to punish him....I knew that he wouldn't leave because of his love for our daughter. Anytime he felt like he was in the doghouse, he always brought home some type of "treat" for me...even though he knew I struggled to try and lose weight. He'd make jokes about my weight gain, but then immediately say"Oh you know I'm only kidding". It was hurtful.

So here I am, in the "extended play" process of a divorce, learning how to be me. My daughter is in college, living with roommates and empty nest is another change I'm adapting to. But I feel like for the first time in a long time I have lots of choices and no one to blame but myself.

I will check in with this thread to remind myself that I want to lose this weight for me. I don't need to do it for anyone's approval or love, but just because I want to feel better about myself.

Good luck to everyone!
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  #159   ^
Old Fri, Jan-30-04, 19:46
weigh2cool's Avatar
weigh2cool weigh2cool is offline
New Member
Posts: 6
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 148/144/118 Female 5'4"
BF:31%/31%/20%
Progress: 13%
Default

Oops. I'm new.

I just posted but forgot to subscribe.
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  #160   ^
Old Wed, Feb-18-04, 12:19
perbain's Avatar
perbain perbain is offline
Contributing Member
Posts: 114
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 230/209/150 Female 5'4"
BF:
Progress: 26%
Location: Illinois
Default

wow!!! You are all pretty special people. this sounds like a journey. Good thoughts.....
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  #161   ^
Old Fri, Aug-13-04, 16:01
MelodyVAKS's Avatar
MelodyVAKS MelodyVAKS is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 105
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 310/310/130 Female 5'2
BF:
Progress: 0%
Location: Tennessee
Default

I'll be back as well. I don't even have time right now to read everything but this is a very interesting thread.
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  #162   ^
Old Fri, Aug-13-04, 18:30
galatia's Avatar
galatia galatia is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 13,640
 
Plan: low carb
Stats: 173/135.8/130 Female 5'4"
BF:
Progress: 87%
Location: Mississippi
Default

Just getting the link for later reading....
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  #163   ^
Old Tue, Aug-17-04, 17:24
detroitlad detroitlad is offline
Registered Member
Posts: 25
 
Plan: protenpower,atkins
Stats: 295/273/195 Female 5ft9in
BF:
Progress:
Default

boy, this is some good stuff!!!! It's this kind of thinking [in this thread] that will set you free!!!! & put those demon's to rest!
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  #164   ^
Old Tue, Aug-17-04, 18:19
sophotia's Avatar
sophotia sophotia is offline
wrkn off da baby fat
Posts: 4,934
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 242.5/242.5/160 Female 64"
BF:
Progress: 0%
Location: Columbus, OH
Default

I havent read all the post yet but wanted to subscribe to this thread.

Thanx!
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  #165   ^
Old Wed, Sep-08-04, 08:37
MissBehave's Avatar
MissBehave MissBehave is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 166
 
Plan: undecided
Stats: 245/239.5/150 Female 5'3" or 5'4" not sure
BF:
Progress: 6%
Location: NYC
Default Thank you Nikkil for this link - NOW....

Yes, I have this problem. I don't know why. Here's a post I wrote just yesterday to reach out about this.

http://forum.lowcarber.org/showthread.php?t=208190

I thought inner changes were taking place, but I think it's a lot deeper. I don't know where to go with it either. As I said, my family, even my 9 year old, have become extremely supportive, though I get resentful when people (they or "friends") try to police me. That's the eternal rebel in me I suppose! In other words, I'll eat what I decide to eat, when I decide to eat it. This is MY ATKINS thing, not yours. But that works in opposition doesn't it?

I don't know maybe I have to see someone about this. I know I can get obnoxious when I start to look and feel good, because I feel unstoppable and am accomplishing something (though that really should have nothing to do with my weight, right? ). But people don't like that. I know I don't. And I think this is the question at hand....WHY does it happen and what do I do about it.

Man, this is the only place I can come to talk about this stuff and have someone else say, "YES!, I've been there!", or "I'm experiencing that now!"

I'm just speaking right out on this, so I hope there is some feedback for me, I sure could use it. I hope I haven't offended anyone, but if there are lots of us out there like this, then its a good thing to talk about it.

Karen, just wanted to say, your posts are very insightful, and your recipes, and others' have saved my daughter and I from boring meaningless meals. I let her help me do some things and she feels there's a double benefit... mom stays on her diet with her help, and we get to eat something new and delicious.

Ok, better get back to work, bbl.
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