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  #1   ^
Old Sat, Feb-01-14, 20:05
Suzanne623 Suzanne623 is offline
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Plan: Atkins
Stats: 236/236/136 Female 5'2"
BF:
Progress: 0%
Location: USA south
Default Mean people

In all my years I have not encountered anyone as nasty since high school. Today I was getting my nails done, another woman was waiting with her daughters. They were all very thin and well dressed. As I sat down I heard one of the teenage girls say ' I hope the chair doesn't break' they then continued to make other remarks about me, including how they didn't know there were 'any trailer parks nearby'. Sadly, We probably live in the same middle class neighborhood. I thought about incidents like Columbine and how people wonder how anything like that can happen. But here was this woman about my age, ridiculing me with her teenage daughters, all within my hearing. I think if I could have slit my wrists I would have done it right there. I'm sure they would have had a great laugh.
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  #2   ^
Old Sat, Feb-01-14, 20:29
PilotGal PilotGal is offline
Registered Member
Posts: 36,355
 
Plan: KetoCarnivore
Stats: 206.6/178/160 Female 5'7
BF:awesome
Progress: 61%
Location: USA
Default

Oooooooh, i am so very sorry you had to be the object of these people's insecurities..
it's a shame when mother teaches daughters to be so critical.
I imagine the mother has a dreadful, loveless marriage to act like that and she's teaching her daughters to be just like her.

Hold your head up high and be thankful that you have more integrity than that trash!
had it been anyone else, they probably would not have acted as demure as yourself.. they probably would be sitting in jail with a battery charge hanging over their heads!

be thankful you were taught right.
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  #3   ^
Old Sun, Feb-02-14, 09:51
lovinita's Avatar
lovinita lovinita is offline
Triple digit loss
Posts: 927
 
Plan: Dr. Bernstien
Stats: 352/206.8/175 Female 5'7
BF:
Progress: 82%
Location: Boston, MA
Default

I am sorry to hear that. I grew up in a family like this. And they continue to do it when we are out in public. They label me as "too sensitive".

One time I went home to visit, and took my family out, including my nephews to cheesecake factory.

My nephews proceeded to make fun of another patron under their breath. Which I didn't know until I asked. I said what are you saying.

Nephews are 14,19 at the time.

And they said we are making pig oinking sounds to that woman over there.

Who was obese like me. I told them to stop it and that I didn't appreciate it because I am fat myself.

My nephew who was only about 20 pounds overweight says well I am fat too.

And I got stern and pissed and said I am fat like she is and I don't appreciate it.

They shut up. To boot it was me picking up the tab for everyone. So it was my treat taking them to this restaurant. Over a $300 bill. And this was the level of respect they had been raised with.

Later they complained to their mom about me yelling at them. My sister didn't say Angel's right, you shouldn't have been doing that.

She said well if she yelled at you I am sure she had a good reason.

But I hate going out with my family in public because it could be anything and they will be critical and make fun of people under their breath's in quite voices or conversational voices.

For me I came to various conclusions, one people like this are so insecure about themselves and feel so inferior. That they have to find fault or put others down just to prop themselves up.

Then you have others who, just are so full of themselves and really have no clue while they think they are all that. They really aren't and are so blinded they themselves can't see their own weakness.

Then you have others who are so internally critical of themselves that by putting others down they don't feel like they are worse than anyone else. Like they are in the same boat as everyone.

But overall, power comes from within knowing who you are and being confident in the person you are. Alot of people think power is able to control situations or outcomes or to be the boss. But truly the power for each person to me is to not allow someone else to muck with your energy, who you are as a person. To be able to stand and own who you are be proud of the greatnesses and weaknesses. To be proactive instead of reactive.

And maybe saying to those ladies, "wow it must suck to feel that you are constantly being judged about who are by the way you look. I am sure glad I don't have to deal with that in my head. Honestly, I don't know how you can live with yourself with that constant self internal critical judgement towards your self. It must be so difficult growing up in this type of family. That must be so depressing. I wish you all the best. And if you need a reference I know I good therapist that can help with that."

Although in the moment, I am never all that good... But I am trying to get better with speaking me mind in a heartfelt way.
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  #4   ^
Old Sun, Feb-02-14, 11:20
Matlock's Avatar
Matlock Matlock is offline
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Posts: 579
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 390/231/200 Male 5'10''
BF:
Progress: 84%
Default

This quote comes to mind: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Easier said than done. I used to work with a guy who regularly called me Pizza the Hut. There was no wink involved. He was simply letting me know that I'm inferior to him, as is his right. I used t think he was just immeasurably shallow, but now I'm pretty sure he's a sociopath. Anyway his third wife (he's on his 6th now I believe) told me that he threatened to divorce her if she didn't lose ten pounds (6 months after having his baby), then he produced a ten pound bag of potatoes and heaved it at her. Needless to say she was pretty traumatized by the time the marriage was over.

He was a fatist pure and simple. Fat people can't control their calorie balance and are therefore inferior. Racists tend to be circumspect because of societal pressure, but there's no equivalent pressure for fatists. Our society embraces the idea that fat people bring it on themselves through weak/sinful behaviour.

I had internalized all this pretty well by the time I stumbled onto Gary Taubes book*. His arguments were hard for me to accept, I was so eager to blame myself, because, well obviously I'm fat because I'm weak, right? One year later I've lost 90 pounds. I'm not hungry, I don't struggle. All I had to do was stop eating processed foods. I felt kind of stupid once I realized this, like Dorothy when the witch explained all she ever had to do was click her heels together. Well, WTF didn't you tell me this 30 years ago!?!

Fatists, like racists, are just ignorant. They're blessed with DNA that allows them to tolerate industrialized food. But, being outwardly thin doesn't protect them from the ill effects of the poisons they're eating. My co-worker, the fatist with the seemingly perfect body, has now (in his early 60's) survived prostate cancer, micro strokes, and open heart surgery. I know, schadenfreude is totally inappropriate at this point but I never said I was perfect.

*If you haven't read Taubes' book, you have to read his book. Why We Get Fat. His argument puts the onus on society, not the individual. Our supermarkets are flooded with processed food that is making us fat. Our culture nurtures an erroneous understanding of nutrition and obesity that exacerbates the problem. I'm withholding judgment on the veracity of his claims till I reach my goal. By then my body will be the only proof I care about.
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  #5   ^
Old Sun, Feb-02-14, 21:15
peacelove peacelove is offline
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Posts: 713
 
Plan: paleo and ketogenic
Stats: 120/113/110 Female 5'4
BF:
Progress: 70%
Default

I am really sorry you had this experience. Honestly, it made me sick to hear that people can be so cruel. Try to look at them with empathy.. they are only hurting themselves by being so shallow. You are so above this.

I know it can be hard, however, you are the stronger person if you can reframe it and see that beauty is more than appearance.

Nice that you reached out to the forum for support. Good for you.
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  #6   ^
Old Sun, Feb-02-14, 21:30
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Whofan Whofan is offline
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Posts: 2,550
 
Plan: Low Carb Primal
Stats: 170/135/135 Female 5ft.6in.
BF:
Progress: 100%
Location: New York Metro area
Default

I am completely at a loss to understand why anyone would insult a stranger who is doing nothing to them, whether it's a sociopathic adult or badly-parented teenagers making oinking noises. I don't care about their internal inferiorities, etc. What they need is for somebody to reach over and smack the sh** out of them.
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  #7   ^
Old Mon, Feb-03-14, 07:47
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sephine sephine is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 313
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 236/224/180 Female 5'2
BF:
Progress: 21%
Default

*big hug* don't let those self absorbed bimbo's bother you. you are awesome and deserve respect like everyone else . they are just so self hating that they have to be cruel to people just so they can justify themselves. just hold your head up high and ignore the haters =)
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  #8   ^
Old Mon, Feb-03-14, 08:34
peacelove peacelove is offline
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Posts: 713
 
Plan: paleo and ketogenic
Stats: 120/113/110 Female 5'4
BF:
Progress: 70%
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Whofan
I am completely at a loss to understand why anyone would insult a stranger who is doing nothing to them, whether it's a sociopathic adult or badly-parented teenagers making oinking noises. I don't care about their internal inferiorities, etc. What they need is for somebody to reach over and smack the sh** out of them.



Agreed. Rude people SUCK!!!! Remember, it is THEIR problem, not YOURS.
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  #9   ^
Old Mon, Feb-03-14, 08:54
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ParisMama ParisMama is offline
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Posts: 1,370
 
Plan: AIP (autoimmune paleo)
Stats: 235/185/165 Female 5'5"
BF:
Progress: 71%
Default

This is terrible.

May they reap what they sow.
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  #10   ^
Old Mon, Feb-03-14, 09:16
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ImOnMyWay ImOnMyWay is offline
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Posts: 3,831
 
Plan: OWL
Stats: 177/168/135 Female 5'1"
BF:50.5/38/25
Progress: 21%
Location: Los Angeles
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Whofan
I am completely at a loss to understand why anyone would insult a stranger who is doing nothing to them, whether it's a sociopathic adult or badly-parented teenagers making oinking noises. I don't care about their internal inferiorities, etc. What they need is for somebody to reach over and smack the sh** out of them.


What she said. I really don't care WHY someone is so rude and cruel, only that his behavior is unacceptable. Let me tell you, if that kind of commentary was directed at me, I would totally go off on them, call them out as the ignorant, lacking-in-social-skills cretins they are. I wouldn't go so far as battery, but I'd either give them a piece of my mind, complain to management about their offensive behavior, or both.

Ignoring bad behavior is enabling it.
.
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  #11   ^
Old Mon, Feb-03-14, 09:46
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MandalayVA MandalayVA is offline
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Posts: 2,545
 
Plan: whole foods
Stats: 240/180/140 Female 63 inches
BF:too f'ing much
Progress: 60%
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by ImOnMyWay
Ignoring bad behavior is enabling it.


THIS. It's amazing how quickly people will back down if they are immediately confronted with their idiocy. However, it's also amazing that like any other predator humans seem to know instinctively who can be bullied and who can't. When it backfires, it can be hilarious. Once I was in the supermarket, and there was a very overweight woman coming down an aisle with her cart. A young boy and his mother were passing her, and the boy made a very distinct oinking sound, which the mother giggled at. The woman stopped and smacked herself in the forehead. "I knew I was forgetting something!" she said loudly. "The pork chops!" She turned to the mother and said "I'm so glad your son said something, my husband was really looking forward to his chops tonight and would have been so upset if I'd forgotten them, thank you!" The mother looked like she wanted to die and the boy looked confused, and they practically ran away. I had to high-five her. She said "people are so unoriginal it's easy to make a joke out of it." And she's right.
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  #12   ^
Old Mon, Feb-03-14, 10:04
ImOnMyWay's Avatar
ImOnMyWay ImOnMyWay is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 3,831
 
Plan: OWL
Stats: 177/168/135 Female 5'1"
BF:50.5/38/25
Progress: 21%
Location: Los Angeles
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MandalayVA
THIS. It's amazing how quickly people will back down if they are immediately confronted with their idiocy. However, it's also amazing that like any other predator humans seem to know instinctively who can be bullied and who can't. When it backfires, it can be hilarious. Once I was in the supermarket, and there was a very overweight woman coming down an aisle with her cart. A young boy and his mother were passing her, and the boy made a very distinct oinking sound, which the mother giggled at. The woman stopped and smacked herself in the forehead. "I knew I was forgetting something!" she said loudly. "The pork chops!" She turned to the mother and said "I'm so glad your son said something, my husband was really looking forward to his chops tonight and would have been so upset if I'd forgotten them, thank you!" The mother looked like she wanted to die and the boy looked confused, and they practically ran away. I had to high-five her. She said "people are so unoriginal it's easy to make a joke out of it." And she's right.


LOL that woman was funny AND smart - so much better than my knee-jerk response. If you can make 'em look like fools without raising your own blood pressure and cortisol, so much the better!

.
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  #13   ^
Old Mon, Feb-03-14, 10:22
Nancy LC's Avatar
Nancy LC Nancy LC is offline
Experimenter
Posts: 25,843
 
Plan: DDF
Stats: 202/185.4/179 Female 67
BF:
Progress: 72%
Location: San Diego, CA
Default

Bullies have an Achilles heel and that is to confront them. The next time, stand up, walk over, pull back your shoulders, raise up your head and ask them to repeat what they just said. If they do, then be prepared to insult them back, or else walk out the door. The only reason they pull that shit is because they can get away with it.

If you're with people doing that kind of thing I'd go over to whomever they were insulting and apologize for them, whether they knew it or not. I think only reversing the shame is the way to handle it.

"I'm very sorry for my nephew's behavior. They grew up in a family that allows that sort of behavior. There's absolutely no excuse for it and I'm ashamed of him."
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  #14   ^
Old Mon, Feb-03-14, 10:59
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ojoj ojoj is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 3,184
 
Plan: atkins
Stats: 210/126/127 Female 5ft 7in
BF:
Progress: 101%
Location: South of England
Default

Hindsights a wonderful thing, but what you shoulda done is stood up, looked her square in the eyes and said "At least I can lose weight - you're stuck with your ugly face and your even uglier daughters" - ok, a bit mean maybe, but then I can be if anyone insults me lol!!!!!

Jo xxx
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  #15   ^
Old Mon, Feb-03-14, 11:22
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aamama aamama is offline
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Posts: 591
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 216/186/140 Female 62"
BF:
Progress: 39%
Location: Alberta, Canada
Default

Ugh. My FIVE YEAR OLD daughter is dealing with something similar to this in school. She came home from KINDERGARTEN the other day upset. Upon sitting down with her for a conversation I learned that a boy (who also torments some of the other girls in the class, I've since learned) told her he hated her because she had blonde hair and no butt (no one said five year olds were rational). My daughter is 38 lbs (so barely even registers on a BMI chart), but very tall for her age (she is built like my husband, long and very lean), and really does have a very flat bum. But she's never noticed, until this boy said something. And she profoundly said to me "Mom, I don't understand why someone would hate me for something I can't even change". I was so infuriated that at age five someone had forced her into thinking she needed to change who she was so someone who didn't even matter would like her. We've since spent a lot of time discussing the reasons someone might treat her like that, how she shouldn't care about what this boy or anyone else thinks about her so long as she is happy and healthy, that she's got plenty of other very good friends and doesn't need one who treats people that way, etc. She's feeling much better about the situation now.

My POINT is just that society is so messed up. At five years old this boy already knows how to bully others (particularly females), how to get them worked up so that he can feel better about himself. Worst part? I brought the incident to the teacher's attention, where I learned several other girls in the class were being treated this way by him. So we all had a big meeting and his professional looking, lean, obviously judgmental father simply replied "boys will be boys". Like it was no big deal, or his sons RIGHT to speak to girls this way. Then drove away in his $100, 000 dollar car looking down his nose at all of us mothers who had called out his boy. So this boy has an obvious role model, and will likely end up an abusive, sociopathic freak too.

Some people are just evil. There are mothers and fathers out there breeding their small children to become harsh, judgmental, despicable humans who harrass others for pleasure. If that's not twisted I don't know what is.....
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