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  #1   ^
Old Fri, Apr-15-11, 19:03
want2Bskny want2Bskny is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 496
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 170/168/140 Female 68.5 inches
BF:
Progress: 7%
Location: New York
Default very ashamed of feelings about my daughter's eating habits

I have a horrible thing I want to confess and I'm not sure what to do about this. Here it is: I basically cannot stand to watch my 6 year old daughter eating.

She chews very loudly with her mouth open, eats with her fingers and shoves food into her mouth like she's a starving prisoner -- even when I know she is not starved.

Whenever I try to correct her, my husband defends her strongly and yells at me saying that I need to leave her alone, and I will be giving her a complex.

She is also a carb addict and whines for treats and food all the time. I can't seem to control it and am so worried about it. I don't want her to feel ashamed about her eating but at the same time I can feel my face forming into a scowl whenever she is eating.

I feel like I need some counseling.
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  #2   ^
Old Fri, Apr-15-11, 20:14
cnmLisa's Avatar
cnmLisa cnmLisa is offline
Every day is day one
Posts: 7,776
 
Plan: AtkinsMaintenance/IF
Stats: 185/145/155 Female 5'5
BF:
Progress: 133%
Location: Oregon Coast
Default

I don't have any wise word for you.

Because you and your husband have such a divided opinion, I think it would be wise to seek counseling.

Does your daughter have any health problems?
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  #3   ^
Old Fri, Apr-15-11, 21:19
dearmommy's Avatar
dearmommy dearmommy is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 1,364
 
Plan: zeroish carbs
Stats: 388/300/150 Female 66inches
BF:unfortunately
Progress: 37%
Location: Vancouver Is BC Canada
Default

At the very least she needs to learn how to chew with her mouth closed.

I remember clearly being in grade 2 and not knowing this and being utterly humiliated when the whole class pointed and laughed at me for this infraction.

It will be twice as harsh if she has a weight problem.

Does she know how to use a fork or spoon? Only asking if perhaps she has a manual dexterity problem.

My son is 17 and has outright said that he will only buy things like boneless chicken breast and such when he is on his own because he really can not cut meat off a bone. He has problems handwriting and printing as well.
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  #4   ^
Old Sat, Apr-16-11, 06:01
Ayustar's Avatar
Ayustar Ayustar is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 2,967
 
Plan: Human Experimentation
Stats: 170/100/105 Female 4'10
BF:
Progress: 108%
Location: London, Ontario, Canada
Default

Well, you are right about wanting her to eat properly. That's just manners. Why would your husband think you are bad in correcting her for this? You have to stop bad habits like this when they are young. Just like dearmommy said about the humiliation later. I think you are doing the right thing by trying to correct her now.

I cannot stand when other people do it either. Even if it is family, UGH! LOL.
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  #5   ^
Old Sat, Apr-16-11, 07:23
leemack's Avatar
leemack leemack is offline
NEVER GIVING UP!
Posts: 5,030
 
Plan: no sugar/grains LCHF IF
Stats: 478/354/200 Female 5' 9"
BF:excessive!!
Progress: 45%
Location: UK
Default

Have you ever had any type of eating disorder?

Lee
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  #6   ^
Old Sat, Apr-16-11, 15:26
want2Bskny want2Bskny is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 496
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 170/168/140 Female 68.5 inches
BF:
Progress: 7%
Location: New York
Default

Well, I'm definitely obsessed about the whole weight thing. No major eating disorder in my own opinion, but definitely have problems with mild binging when I try and stick to a diet.

My daughter is definitely a kid who loves food. Her favorite day is Sunday since that is the day we have ice cream

She also has a very big appetite and eats with gusto. According to her pediatrician, she's in the 90th percentile for weight and the the 70th for height, so she's a little out of proportion. Honestly, I worry a lot about her weight and I'm sure that's why I get upset when I feel like she's eating too fast and not using her manners. The problem is that I often feel like things are out of my control and not sure how to help her.
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  #7   ^
Old Sat, Apr-16-11, 16:31
violinist violinist is offline
Registered Member
Posts: 63
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 283/188.8/155 Female 5'2"
BF:44%/27%/20%
Progress: 74%
Default

I think encouraging manners (like chewing with your mouth closed, using utensils as much as possible at her age) is fine. However, I would caution you against scrutinizing or negatively obsessing about your daughters eating habits and weight, especially at such a young age (but at any age, really). My mother, who I love more than words can say, did this for my entire life. I have binge eating disorder and my sister has bulimia/binge eating disorder and resents her very much for it. If your daughter chooses to follow a LC way of eating when she is old enough to decide, then it will be her choice. But its not yours. I would encourage you to help her to see that balanced eating can be fun. 6 year olds do not need to be concerned with burning fat instead of carbs for fuel. They need balanced nutrition for growth.

And please be careful of the faces. Children can see and understand body language. When my mom makes those faces (when we eat, when we try on clothes, etc), it still makes me really sad and angry and brings me right back to being 6 years old on a diet with her making faces at me while I was eating. For your daughter's sake, please tread lightly re: this issue.
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  #8   ^
Old Sat, Apr-16-11, 18:21
leemack's Avatar
leemack leemack is offline
NEVER GIVING UP!
Posts: 5,030
 
Plan: no sugar/grains LCHF IF
Stats: 478/354/200 Female 5' 9"
BF:excessive!!
Progress: 45%
Location: UK
Default

I agree, having had a stepmum who tried to control my food intake (despite my being a skinny child with no food issues) - it actually led to me developing binge eating disorder, the more she controlled, the more I would binge. By all means focus on manners and quality of food, but constant negative reinforcement is likely to cause more problems long term.

Lee
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  #9   ^
Old Sat, Apr-16-11, 18:49
want2Bskny want2Bskny is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 496
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 170/168/140 Female 68.5 inches
BF:
Progress: 7%
Location: New York
Default

I know you are all right. I do not want to be that kind of mom.

Felt much more able to handle myself after posting this and working on telling myself to be gentle and kind at all times with my children as much as I can. They are so young and impressionable. I do not want to screw up any of my children and want them to have a healthy and balanced relationships with food.

Today I spoke to them about manners and chewing with mouths closed. Then, I worked on doing that myself!!

We do an issue with overeating at meal times. But I'm working on looking at them lovingly, with smiles and happy expressions instead of worry and concern. I hope I can help them learn to make healthy choices without screwing them up.
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  #10   ^
Old Sat, Apr-16-11, 20:46
heirloom10 heirloom10 is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 177
 
Plan: Kwasniewski
Stats: 120/132/115 Female 5'5"
BF:
Progress: -240%
Location: canada
Default

hi there...
being revolted at seeing your daughter eat like that is a normal reaction. being taught to eat properly won't give her a complex. learning manners is part of life. for example... learning not to pick your nose. everyone would agree picking your nose in front of people is not acceptable. this is no different. you don't need therapy, my god!
secondly... your husband sounds like he needs to calm down. no one needs to be yelling at you about anything.
last, perhaps you should start serving your child low carb foods. it sounds like she has everyone's normal reaction to carbs: addiction. carbohydrates are not good for anyone, and i do not understand the sentiment from some parents on this forum that children should be fed carbs. low carbing is not only a way to lose weight, it is a way to maintain optimal health, not damage your metabolism, and prevent becoming overweight and basically every other health problem there is.
the people who claim otherwise or say it's okay to feed kids carbs are not educated enough on the topic.
as your daughters mom, is it up to you to make good choices for her and help her become properly socialised. you have the Right and responsibility to do so. teaching her proper eating habits, ie. polite chewing, is just normal socialisation, and giving her foods that are the most healthful for her is just sane. as a parent is it your duty to do so. and that includes your husband's duty. the shame is for him for not teaching her properly and for yelling at you.
lastly, no one should have to endure irritating behavior. it is antisocial to do so. it's not mean to let people know their behavior is irritating or otherwise unacceptable, it is social gesture. it is kind.
perhaps you can let your husband know that her chewing really irritates you and is not polite, and you shouldn't have to be annoyed with her chewing, and/or at the very least that she has to learn to eat normally just like she would learn any other social behavior (ie not picking nose). to protect yourself from an explosive reaction, which would be undue i might add, you can say it with kindness and grace.
good luck to you.

Last edited by heirloom10 : Sun, Apr-17-11 at 01:31.
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  #11   ^
Old Sat, Apr-16-11, 21:58
rucasquare's Avatar
rucasquare rucasquare is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 2,140
 
Plan: <20 net, <1518 cals
Stats: 351.5/230.2/165 Female 5'11"
BF:5’11”
Progress: 65%
Location: LA
Default

I can't really give advice, because I grew up with my mom on a diet my whole life, and I ended up the same way (so far) but I did want to say that I don't think you should have any discussions or arguments with your husband in front of her... on top of an food issues you definitely don't want her thinking that you are fighting because of her.
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  #12   ^
Old Sun, Apr-17-11, 03:52
Oldbird's Avatar
Oldbird Oldbird is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 362
 
Plan: Low carb.
Stats: 190/183/146 Female 63.5
BF:
Progress: 16%
Location: Northumberland, England.
Default

Have you talked this & any other issues over with your husband when alone with him? You need to show a united front or you'll be played off one against the other. Good luck - from a mother of three, a Gran of eight & Greatgran of four. You have the best & worst job in the world! ;~D
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  #13   ^
Old Sun, Apr-17-11, 07:43
JLeigh JLeigh is offline
Registered Member
Posts: 57
 
Plan: Atkins 72
Stats: 176/125/125 Female 5'3.5
BF:
Progress: 100%
Default

Just my .02...

Why on earth should a parent feel guilty for correcting a child's poor table manners? That's a parent's job. If the parent doesn't teach the child, who will? It's not going to destroy her self-esteem to be taught how to eat properly. What will hurt her self-esteem is if she continues to have these bad habits as she gets older and gets mercilessly teased for it.

My daughter had poor table manners for awhile when she was little, and every single time she displayed them, I gently but firmly corrected her. She snapped out of it (or got trained out of it, I should say) rather quickly.

The bigger issue, to me, is that your husband is snapping at you because you're trying to do your job as a parent. I would take him aside and gently but firmly explain that she needs to have good table manners if she's going to function in the real world someday, and that you're going to make sure she does.
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  #14   ^
Old Sun, Apr-17-11, 10:17
Seejay's Avatar
Seejay Seejay is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 3,025
 
Plan: Optimal Diet
Stats: 00/00/00 Female 62 inches
BF:
Progress: 8%
Default

I agree on the manners thing. It can be done with humor. Like with puppies - kiss them on the nose, smile, and say 'don't do that."

what is your dd eating? if she has too much refined carb it can make her ravenous and wolfish. Also she might be carb or sugar-sensitive. I can recommend the book "Little Sugar Addicts." don't be put off by the title - it just talks about kids who really really love sweets and carbs, and how to moderate it so the kids themselves feel better and so do you.
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  #15   ^
Old Sun, Apr-17-11, 13:53
sondora88's Avatar
sondora88 sondora88 is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 424
 
Plan: Primal Blueprint
Stats: 202/175/150 Female 5ft3 / 63in
BF:
Progress: 52%
Location: UK
Default

I just wanted to say it sounds like some people are confusing "low carb" with "no carbs".

If this little girl is beginning to show a weight problem or carb sensitivity so young, it can only help her as she goes through puberty to try and help her avoid insulin resistance from the beginning. That doesn't mean no carbs at all - it means less / low. You can still have a balanced diet without empty calories!
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