i'll share a few of my thoughts on this. my own family was very worried about my vegetarianism because they, too, had heard of the negative effects of soy. they gave me two arguments, which i researched.
1. soy contains hormones.
2. soy has additives.
i did the research, and what i came up with is as follows.
1. yes, soy does contain estrogen. lets go back to the apple seed argument for a moment. "apple seeds contain cyanide!!" yes, they do! and that cyanide is of organic form, the kind which the body needs, the kind which prevents cancer. the estrogen in soy can not harm your body because it is of this same form.
2. a legume is a natural food that grows on the earth (which soy is, of course). it is perfectly healthy. however, man can certainly use additives when making products such as your favorite soy burgers. my best advice is to look in your ingredient list for NON-GMO (non genetically modified organic) soy. tofu and many such products DO have additives. lets not allow ourselves to generalize tofu and soybeans into the same category.
sorry if this doesn't help much, i know i'm not really listing any of my sources for this info. but if you do want more information, there is TONS of it online, just start running searches.
good luck