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  #106   ^
Old Tue, Feb-12-02, 19:07
Pete Pete is offline
Registered Member
Posts: 82
 
Plan: Dr. Bernstein
Stats: 268/198/205
BF:
Progress: 111%
Location: Toronto, Canada
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Quote:
Bottom line is being honest with ourselves about who we actually are and deciding who we want to be. This affects all areas of our lives including our health and our weight.


Well said Homegirl; I was trying to express this sentiment for about two consecutive days somewhere else in this forum but you seem to have done it much more succinctly and effectively.
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  #107   ^
Old Tue, May-21-02, 10:43
raindancer raindancer is offline
Registered Member
Posts: 28
 
Plan: sugar busters
Stats: 220/200/130
BF:
Progress: 22%
Location: Tn
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Hi There

Well I have read all the messages posted about the (RUDE) things thin people can say.......(they must think being over weight smoothers your emotions!!) I have compiled a list my favorite things I have been told over the years!

Ps: I am not a negative person.....on a Downer... I worte these down for a smile!

* (When I was younger) Adults would openly in front of me tell my mom "Mary you better get a reign on your daughters weight, it would be a shame for her to grow up fat."

* "You have a beautiful face" Weeeww How glad am I that the rest of me is invisible!!

* " You have put on some weight"....What would I do without these people? I guess I would have to buy a mirror, since I have no clue what I look like now!!! I wondered why my pants don't fit!

* " You know I would never say this to hurt you--BUT " (speech/lecture) This is where when they get to the end of the sentence I so proudly pip up........Good if you dont want to hurt me , we won't go there, will we? ..... (Smiling the whole time) It kinda turns the table around.

* "Why dont you just stop eating" Well ....I plan on doing that as soon as you stop breathing!! People don't understand. If you have a drug problem.....Stop taking drugs!! You do not have to have them to live.....However you do have to eat. If you are a drug addict . Stay away from people or situations that may influence you. FOOD is everywhere ! (try one time to avoid places there might be food) Good luck! (LOL)

Overall in my life I have found that others who are so quick to judge usually have issues of there own.
People in the past who have hurt my feelings got the gradification of knowing it had hurt me. Now.. I have adapted a new attitude.......
" If someone slaps my face, I'll kiss there cheek"
It really works in all situations...Although some people probley will think your crazy...thats ok...It scares the other RUDE people off !! ......Oh the power of a smile!
Raindancer
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  #108   ^
Old Tue, May-21-02, 15:00
Andy Davies Andy Davies is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 1,212
 
Plan: My own (based on a compil
Stats: 333/260/224 Male 73 ins
BF:
Progress: 67%
Location: Hampshire, England
Default

Hi Raindancer,

How kind of you to make your second post on this forum to this thread. Welcome to the Active Carber support group, and thank you too for the quality and content of your contribution, which I really appreciate. I have virtually retired from active posting here for the time being, because I am persuing other long-term goals which take up a lot of my time right now, but I felt the need to break my silence in order to send you this reply.

Best wishes,

Andy
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  #109   ^
Old Sat, Dec-14-02, 01:06
freydis's Avatar
freydis freydis is offline
Registered Member
Posts: 901
 
Plan: Atkins, under 30/day
Stats: 335/289/185
BF:
Progress: 31%
Location: MO, USA
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When I tell people this story, they usually accuse me of lying. I swear it is true.

My youngest aunt died around this time last year, of cancer deep in her spine. She fought it relatively successfully for over a decade and managed to last longer than my mother did with her diabetic complications. But, x-number of years ago, when she was first diagnosed with cancer, she had to have a 20-lb tumor removed from her stomach. She turned to all the women at our family reunion dining table conversation and said, "Thank God it was a tumor. I thought I was getting fat."

That expresses how deep the hatred of fat was in my family. My brothers, even the youngest who followed me like a puppy when we were young, thinks very little of me and mine because of our sizes. Hurtful things have been said since I was five. To make matters worse, they were, and still are, chauvinists. One of my brothers, when my son was ten and beginning to chunk up just a little, told me that he (my son) would never be a real man. He said that my mother's influence and my influence on my son, during the time my husband was in Korea for a year (age 2 for my son) had made my child a wimp who would never fit into the world of "real men." That he pitied both my "------whipped husband" and my "wimpy" son. And, then, proceeded to tell me that his weight would be a double strike against him and didn't I care enough about my child to do something about it.

My nephew, this brother's son, is chunky now. I worry about his mental health because of some of the things he has told me his father says to him.

I was always a big person, big-boned with a strong appetite for everything in life, including food. But, I was relatively normal for a big-boned person until other people became involved. Thanks to the uncle married to the aunt above, my mom put me on a diet at age 5. I remember having seasonal bulimia at Thanksgiving and Christmas - only then, and only from about age 12-14. I remember starving myself at age 16, eating literally one meal per week, to lose weight and then being told that my best weight was never going to be good enough. Even with ALL this unhealthy behavior and abuse, I managed to stay somewhat healthy and relatively normal for a big-boned person UNTIL doctors put me on a low-fat regimen.

Don't tell me I don't have willpower. I stayed low-fat for over ten years and got better and better at doing that lifestyle. Doctors and relatives think I "just wasn't doing it right," but they were wrong. I was doing it right. It just wasn't working. I kept getting bigger and sicker - and, according to them, it was my fault, my failure. Nobody ever said things like, "Oh, you used to be so pretty when you were thinner," because I was NEVER thin enough for them, but they clearly thought I just needed to eat less.

Do you know that my mother went for 8 years without help with her diabetes because every time she went back to the doctor for a check-up, he would tell her to control it with diet alone? She went down to 250 calories/day at one point in her attempts to control her blood sugars with diet alone. When she realized she would literally have to starve to lower them, she finally had the strength to FORCE her doctor to help.

Atkins was my last hope before surgery, but I didn't even know about it, or low-carbing - none of it - prior to a few years ago. Furthermore, having dieted my whole life, there was no reason to believe that THIS diet would be any better than any of the others. Most people consider Atkins a quack - why would I try another diet by another quack?

Those of you who think, still, that each person has control over their own destiny, consider please that sometimes the key to our destiny is out of reach. My key was Atkins. Was it my destiny to wait 41 years until I was sick as a dog to find that key? Obviously, the answer is yes because it happened that way. But, did it HAVE to be that way? If doctors had been more informed, more open-minded, mightn't they have saved me a LOT of pain? Saved my mother a few more years? I truly regret that I didn't find Atkins sooner, but it wasn't for lack of willpower.

Before you blame the victim, before you look at that 400-lb person who "doesn't care about his looks," before you accuse anyone, find out if they have the key to their own survival. Without it, everyone is doomed.

I'm giving my key to my children. It's not too late for them.
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  #110   ^
Old Sat, Dec-14-02, 14:25
Andy Davies Andy Davies is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 1,212
 
Plan: My own (based on a compil
Stats: 333/260/224 Male 73 ins
BF:
Progress: 67%
Location: Hampshire, England
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Hi Freydis,

Thank you for that important and heartrending contribution. I, for one, am well aware that this still goes on, and that some people have to suffer for many years unnecessarily as a result of ignorance, bigotry and closed minds, and that people like you are still on the receiving end of it. I'm truly sorry you had to go through this, and I am trying in my own way to do something about it. Good luck to you and your family in the future, and I hope the nephew emerges without too many scars.

Andy
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  #111   ^
Old Sun, Dec-15-02, 14:07
liz175 liz175 is offline
Lowcarb since 7/2002
Posts: 5,991
 
Plan: Atkins
Stats: 360/232/180 Female 5'9"
BF:BMI 53.2/34.3/?
Progress: 71%
Location: U.S.: Mid-Atlantic
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Freydis,

Your post made me cry. I also grew up in a family where weight was the measure of a person's worth and my parents starting putting me on diets at as early an age as I can remember. However, when I look at childhood pictures, I was big, not fat. It's awful what parents can do to their children, all the while thinking they are acting in their best interest. I pray that I am not unknowingly doing something so awful to my children. I can easily picture my mother or my grandmother being grateful that they had a tumor rather than a weight problem.

Even today, it hurts that my mother continues to consider me a failure because of my weight. And then she wonders why I almost never bring my kids to visit her. I don't visit because I can't stand her staring accusingly at every morsel I put in my mouth!

I too did not know how to lose weight -- I struggled with lowfat, low calorie diets for years -- until discovering Atkins. Now I am astonished at how easy it is. I wasn't gluttonous or unusually lacking in willpower, I just didn't know why I kept gaining weight and I asked many doctors, none of whom knew either. I found out about Atkins reading an article in the New York Times in July; before that I always dismissed him as a quack. Usually I'm a skeptical person; I don't know why I so readily accepted the mainstream evaluation of Atkins for so many years.

I'm having a doctor related issue right now. My ankle, which I broke ten years ago, has been bothering me off and on for several months. My husband, who is average weight, keeps telling me to go to the doctor. I don't see any point in going to the doctor, because I know the doctor will blame the problem on my weight. However, if my husband went in with the same problem, the doctor would treat it seriously. Sad, isn't it? I need a new doctor, but don't know how to find one who will treat me seriously and not just assume every issue I have is a result of obesity. Maybe the recurring ankle problem is a result of obesity, but without checking for other causes how can the doctor know that?

Best wishes to you. I hope you are successful in giving the key to your children.
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  #112   ^
Old Sun, Dec-15-02, 14:26
freydis's Avatar
freydis freydis is offline
Registered Member
Posts: 901
 
Plan: Atkins, under 30/day
Stats: 335/289/185
BF:
Progress: 31%
Location: MO, USA
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Liz, you have come so far in your weight loss! This is my suggestion. Tell your doctor that you are seriously working at losing weight (as proven by loss already), and that you are honestly in pain. Ask him to help you treat your problem until the weight comes off enough to make a difference. If he STILL won't help you, he should be replaced immediately. (And, you might consider looking for a replacement, anyway.)

If you know any nurses who live in your area, ask them to recommend someone who would be a good doctor and sympathetic to your problems without being judgemental about your size. I know good doctors exist because I have one now, but they are VERY rare. I wish you MUCH luck and better health.

My mother died because she couldn't stand up for herself to the doctors who abused her. I almost died because a doctor ignored the pain in my left arm and said it was a pinched nerve. Please don't be another victim. If you can't stand up for yourself about this, will you do it when the problem threatens your life?
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  #113   ^
Old Mon, Dec-23-02, 15:54
TriciaW's Avatar
TriciaW TriciaW is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 1,013
 
Plan: LC food combining w/BFL
Stats: 210/178.5/145
BF:
Progress: 48%
Location: Bay Area, CA
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I just read this entire post and need to add my two cents. I can remember being 7 or 8 years old. My father had just re-married (wife #3) a very thin, blond beauty (read: trophy wife). She was not a nice lady. It was summer time and I was visiting dad for the summer. We were at the pool and I was in a two piece bathing suit. Step monster began admonishing me to stand up straight and suck in my fat gut because I was embarrassing her. I was mortified. She kept poking at my stomach and started calling me chunky. She would only do that out of ear-shot of dad, of course. He never understood my deep and sincere dislike for that woman.

That was the beginning of my battle with body image. My dad got custody of me soon after. She had me on diets from day one. So, out of rebellion I would eat when no-one was around. I was on the swim team in high school, swimming over a mile a day 5 days a week and still thought I was huge. Incredible. It was only in my late 20's did I realize that my personal happiness is my own responsibility and that blaming my woes on my lousy childhood was a dead end. Learning to love one's self can be a lengthy process. At least it has been for me....
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  #114   ^
Old Mon, Dec-23-02, 19:38
Andy Davies Andy Davies is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 1,212
 
Plan: My own (based on a compil
Stats: 333/260/224 Male 73 ins
BF:
Progress: 67%
Location: Hampshire, England
Default

Thanks Tricia. I'm sorry you had to endure such treatment at the hands of your "step-monster" (a great phrase, which if you don't mind I'll borrow when appropriate). One thing strikes me about the interaction between the two of you: how restrained and measured you are in the way you speak about her, compared to her open and flagrantly abusive treatment of you - except where your Dad might have discovered her, of course. Even after all these years, and in spite of what she made you go through, your remarks are controlled, almost respectful.

This whole thread has been, for me, an illuminating and surprising investigation of how those of us who cannot metabolise carbohydrates effectively are treated by those who can, and how that makes us feel and respond. Some of these reactions have been very surprising, and although I cannot speak for others, I am still learning from it. I do hope that telling your story has been in some way cathartic, and that it can help you let go of the anger and the injustice. Incidentally, if your current picture is anything like you were then, this woman's treatment of you was even more unreasonable. Your shape looks perfect to me, and anyone who can swim that far every day can't be carrying much excess weight.

Happy Christmas.

Last edited by Andy Davies : Mon, Dec-23-02 at 19:42.
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  #115   ^
Old Mon, Dec-23-02, 19:58
TriciaW's Avatar
TriciaW TriciaW is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 1,013
 
Plan: LC food combining w/BFL
Stats: 210/178.5/145
BF:
Progress: 48%
Location: Bay Area, CA
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[QUOTE]Originally posted by Andy Davies
[B] One thing strikes me about the interaction between the two of you: how restrained and measured you are in the way you speak about her, compared to her open and flagrantly abusive treatment of you - except where your Dad might have discovered her, of course. Even after all these years, and in spite of what she made you go through, your remarks are controlled, almost respectful. "

Well, my attitude towards her took a long time to even out to what it is now. That remark was just the tip of the ice berg of her foul treatment for years to come. I carried out-and-out venomous hatred for the woman for years. Over the last 8 years or so, I have really tried to work on releasing "baggage"---negative, heavy emotional burdens. I guess I have finally reached feelings of apathy towards her instead of hate. It feels like progress. Thanks for the kind words, Andy. Happy Christmas to you too!
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  #116   ^
Old Mon, Dec-23-02, 20:08
Daethian's Avatar
Daethian Daethian is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 504
 
Plan: Atkins/CAD/Now?
Stats: 216/210.5/110?? Female 5 feet 0 inches
BF:
Progress: 25%
Location: Illinois St Louis area
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I have a older sister who has hospitalized herself two different times by following fad diets and taking drugs to lose weight. All my life she has hounded me about being fat all the while forcing me to eat when at her house. I was a size 9 in high school about one size above ideal and she just never relented. Here I am today double that.

On the upside of all the bad things that we deal with being overweight, I remember a good thing that happened after I dropped alot of weight with Phen Fen.

I walked into a vaccum repair shop one summer day and there were two men working. You know in slap stick comedies how two people will try to come through a door way together and get stuck. These two salesmen looked up through the window in their office when I walked in and did the exact same thing. They were falling all over me. It was great!
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  #117   ^
Old Mon, Dec-23-02, 20:36
Andy Davies Andy Davies is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 1,212
 
Plan: My own (based on a compil
Stats: 333/260/224 Male 73 ins
BF:
Progress: 67%
Location: Hampshire, England
Default

Thanks to you both. Tricia, I think the additional perspective afforded by stating how you felt before you were finally able to put it behind you was as important as the original information. Without it, the amount of suffering, your greatness of character, and the measure of your progress would not be evident. We often omit this stage when recounting past difficulties, anxious not to be seen complaining, or just plain embarrassed by what we have had to endure in getting to the point we have now reached. There is of course an underlying injustice in the way we are treated, because it is not actually our fault that we gain weight in the way that we do, but everyone else assumes that it is, and acts accordingly. Congratulations on such impressive progress.

And to put things into perspective for us that there can be a lighter and funnier side to things, thanks to Daethian. Many happy returns, incidentally, for your birthday of a few days ago.

Best wishes,

Andy
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  #118   ^
Old Sun, Jan-12-03, 15:48
suebean suebean is offline
New Member
Posts: 8
 
Plan: Protein Power
Stats: 212/212/150
BF:
Progress: 0%
Location: Pennsylvania
Default Homegirl

Homegirl, I think you missed the boat here.

Susan
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  #119   ^
Old Mon, Jan-13-03, 15:33
Homegirl's Avatar
Homegirl Homegirl is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 1,322
 
Plan: Modified Atkins
Stats: 147/128/118 Female 5'3''
BF:?/18/17
Progress: 66%
Location: Victoria, BC, Canada
Default Re missed the boat

Not sure exactly what you mean?????
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  #120   ^
Old Mon, Jan-13-03, 16:38
Andy Davies Andy Davies is offline
Senior Member
Posts: 1,212
 
Plan: My own (based on a compil
Stats: 333/260/224 Male 73 ins
BF:
Progress: 67%
Location: Hampshire, England
Default Me neither

I started this thread and take a keen, even proprietorial, interest in it. Like Homegirl, I was rather surprised by Suebean's remarks. I have checked back to Homegirl's last postings here, which were in February 2002, but I can't see anything that merits such a remark. It seems to me that Homegirl was talking a lot of good sense and being her usual helpful self, sometimes in the face of hostile remarks. I think you had better be rather more specific, Suebean, or people might be likely to interpret your remark as hostile and unfounded.
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