I've received a LOT of help from this forum. Honestly, the only reason I'm at goal for the third time and STILL there is due to the wonderful support and advice from long term maintainers.

But I have a whine/rant.

It makes me ANGRY when someone asks a question or asks for advice and then they get all po-ed because they don't like the answers and get all defensive....It makes me doubly angry when people who aren't even close to goal and never have been reinforce the OP.

But I get into FIGHTING mode when these people actually use passive/aggressive words to <put down> the long term maintainers. REALLY??? You've never seen goal, but you're going to be rude to those who have?????

I want SO badly to post rude, but truthful things....but I just can't. Guess I'm too nice. And in the long run they will see the true results.

Maybe I need to stay away from the forums....but maybe I need to be more vocal??? I want to help people that are serious about losing weight and being healthy. Guess I'm just becoming disenchanted about giving advice.

People just want to hear what they want to hear....but it's only going to keep them fat! Give me a reason to keep giving advice and doing my best to encourage people. Please.

Well, I don't visit those parts of the forum. I did when actively losing, but now I stick to this section and the few people's journals that I post in.

I guess the question for you is:

Does posting to help/encourage the people that appreciate the advice make it worthwhile or not? Or do the few bad apples make it not worth your time? Only you can decide how you feel about that...

But there are definitely people who ask for advice, only to argue with the answer that they know is coming, and they aggravate me as much as they do you!

I hear ya Freckles...loud and clear! I even know exactly which topic/thread your'e talking about.

I get upset also. At the same time, I had to put myself into their shoes just for split second, to see their point of view. Here is what I see:

People need to be ready and willing to be coached. Its like the mom syndrome: moms want to try to protect their kids from making the same mistakes they made.
So here we are, trying to help others not make the same mistakes we've made many times before. While a great intention, it comes across to them that we are trying to control, judge and put them down.
All we can do is share our experiences...or not. If they chose to still go and make their own misguided choices, then hopefully one day they'll see and learn from their own mistakes.

Its like the old expression:
You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink.
or:
When the student is ready, the teacher shows up.
or an old fav from my mother and this is meant in pure fun:
There are more horses asses than there are horses.

Oh does this topic bring up the long ago infamous thread I posted in the War Zone "This Is a Rant" (Now just a shimmer of memory with some old timers )

You're not the only one.....in fact, this came up this year and will probably keep coming up as long as people refuse to face reality.

Denial....just not a river in Egypt.

And yes, I know which thread from which you speak.


http://forum.lowcarber.org/showthread.php?t=425559

Yeah, I know what you mean. It is frustrating but... people are people, they're not going to change. I've been involved in online communications since the 1980's so perhaps over 25 or so years I've just gotten used to it.

Once you accept it you can just shrug and move on. Seriously, when you find yourself getting PO'd over something someone posted ask yourself if it is worth the energy. It rarely is.

I used to get so upset I'd fume for hours. Now I just mentally shrug and move on very quickly.

Tee hee... now don't get mad at me for my answer!

How great it is for me (one that is working on it still) to see all you successful girls together.

From one that truly does need your support (and Terri... you've REALLY helped me out!)
please don't let those who don't realize the opportunity that they have with your guidance ruin it for the ones who need it.
Thank you ladies!

To my mind, Tom Venuto (Burn the Fat) has summed this attitude up perfectly:

Unfortunately, for those who are not ready to listen to the truth, it is going to be difficult and frustrating to try and help them.

I think that Nancy has the right idea ... shrug and move on.

Save your energies for those who are willing to hear the truth.

Well I appreciate you all.... this forum has been a real help to me in ways you just would not know. I am thankfull that I don't have major health problems, but if some one in my family did. I would send them straight to this site. The wealth of information and help is outstanding...
I am an adult, I can ask for advise, take it or not take it, but I am grateful for the time someone takes to respond to my questions.Just because its on line does not make it any less personnal, well, not to me anyway. .....

Thanks for the link, Lisa. I should have known that someone had complained about this already.

You all are right. I was just in a super bad mood yesterday. I wanted VERY badly to post in that thread, but thought it would be better not to stir the pot up any more. Posting here helped me get it out.

One more added to the don't waste your time list....<sigh>

And thanks, love, I appreciate that!

I think I may know the thread you're referring to, but I hope I'm wrong. Whatever...perhaps the experience of the OP is not yours. Perhaps they are in a place you have never been.

Whatever the reason, there is one really good guide that I like to follow in such a circumstance...."SOB". Scroll On By. Meaning...just ignore the thread, and let those to whom it is meaningful participate.


If that were the case, you would not have started this thread.

ETA: I believe (hope) I'm wrong about the thread in question, because the OP in that thread has a couple of hundred pounds to lose. You had sixty. Again...if I'm thinking of the wrong thread, then I apologize. DUH, me! Please, let me know.

What I meant was that I wanted to post a rude comment in that particular thread, but I refrained.



In this case I am not upset that she is choosing to ignore good advice. I've been at a place where I knew I was going to eat off plan and no one could have talked me out of it. What upset me in this instance is the rude comment made in reference to a maintainer's post. I see that the rude comment is no longer there, so she must have thought better of it and I am glad.

Okay, I can't keep beating around the bush. Is this the thread?

http://forum.lowcarber.org/showthread.php?t=435447

If it is, I'll admit I missed the particular comment in question, but the thrust of it is still there. The OP has 200+ pounds to lose. Unless you've been there, you can't relate. (And if I'm referencing the wrong thread...OOPS.)

Sorry but that is not the thread in question here.

Also, the issue had to do with what was SAID/rudeness, so it is not even a matter of whether I could relate or not. It doesn't matter whether you have 5 or 500 lbs to lose, there is no need to be rude to responders when you have asked a question just because you don't like the response.

Whew. Good to know.