Artist: Deborah Cox Lyrics
Song: Absolutely Not Lyrics

Always waitin' for someone
To make me happy, pick me up
I realize that someone is me
What you call life, that ain't livin'
Bless the child that's got his own
It's my season, now I stand alone
Just thought that I would let you know
Some things you just can't control

Chorus:
Should I wear my hair in a ponytail?
Should I dress myself up in chanel?
Do I measure me by what you think?
Absolutely not, absolutely not
If I go to work in a mini-skirt
Am I givin' you the right to flirt?
I won't compromise my point of view
Absolutely not, absolutely not

Told myself I won't complain
But some things have got to change
Not gon' be a victim of
All your social push and shove
Right or wrong, you judge the same
My picture never fit your frame
What you thought, you'll never know
You can't see me with your mind closed

Repeat Chorus

Now I see, life means more to me
More than fancy clothes
More than you'll ever know
All the ugly words that I heard you say
Made me stronger everyday
Now I live my life for me

I had the opposite problem growing up....I was so scrawny I was picked on , beat up and called names by most everyone. Oddly enough it was usually the kids with the weight problems (being overweight) that resorted to beating on me. I was 11 years old and weighed 50 lbs. I was 17 and weighed 110. I didn't get fat until I had my second child. Then my 3rd and then a 4th and then just years go by and I am over 200 lbs and realize I had been overweight for the better part of the last 15 years. I have seen my mother cry because I got fat she has tried to bribe me, guilt trip me tell me I have no pride to let this happen. All my aunts and uncles say what a shame and how could this have happened.
I used to ask God if this was a sick joke. Gonna be rail thin first half of life and then obese for the second half. It was like I couldn't win.
I am down 50 pounds now since May 1st I saw my dad a month ago and he CRIED!!!! He said " Now this is the daughter I had 15 years ago , It's so great to have you back. Like HELLO ...I am same person and I haven't been anywhere but before you all were too ashamed to even claim me. It REALLY ticked me off. That comment hurt me more then anything anyone ever said to me. There's my daughter?!?!? I've been here the whole time so how are you making up for making me feel like a worthless loser during my "FAT" years? I also wonder if I ever gain it back again will I disappear in their reality again?
I do this for me, thank God because I am the only one who truly matters. Me and my health.
Been Too thin been Too fat aiming for somewhere in the middle this time for the 3rd quarter of my life.

." There's my daughter?!?!? I've been here the whole time so how are you making up for making me feel like a worthless loser during my "FAT" years? I also wonder if I ever gain it back again will I disappear in their reality again?"

"I do this for me, thank God because I am the only one who truly matters. Me and my health. "
Rhonda,
I'm sorry you had to deal with that attitude from your family.
You are very strong, and I am proud of you for taking care of yourself, and knowing that you are the one that matters...

Rhonda,

All the putdowns and brush offs by strangers can never equal the pain one thoughtless remark by our loved ones can cause. While your family probably think they are being supportive with their remarks, I do understand why these are causing you pain. Keep with it and look after yourself.

One suggestion is to write down every remark and how it made you feel and maybe someday you'll be able to explain to your family how these remarks hurt you.

I once went to a glassware party with a friend who invited me to go along with her. I did not know the hostess of the party but went with my friend because each person was asked to bring a friend and I was her friend.

When we arrived at the party I started to sit on the sofa and the hostess rudely told me not to sit on it because I was to big and might damage it. She went to her laundry room and got me on of those old metal folding chairs to sit in. I did try to sit in it but it was really uncomfortable and hurt my butt to but most of all I was embrassed so bad that I felt like crying. I just told my friend to take me home that I would not be treated rudely like that by anyone and I made sure the hostess and everyone heard me say it to.


By the way the hostess lost two sales that night, mine and my friends....

Hi All,

For the benefit of Kay (TarHeel) particularly, I would like to explain the reason for my occasional visits to this thread. Every year on my birthday in September, the low-carber team send me an e-mail wishing me a happy birthday, attaching also a link to this site, which I used to visit at least once a day. So I click on the link, thinking I'll have a read of what's going on now in the world of low-carbing, and spend half an hour or so browsing round the whole site. Then, I come across this section of threads that have been preserved through all these years, and notice that this thread is - amazingly -still here. So then I wonder if anyone has visited again since I last looked in, at least a year before, and go straight to the back page, from where I work backwards, till I find my own last entry, then I read everything in between. There I find that others have visited and left remarks which always touch me. Still, after all these years, I read about really nice people who have been treated really badly by unthinking, uncaring, unhelpful people whose IQ is smaller than their shoe size. And yet I still feel I have gained by reading them. Firstly, we have all been victims of these insensitive people who have made us feel wretched, so I get a notion of companionship, comradeship and rapport. Then, I am genuinely impressed by what my fellow sufferers have survived, and feel a mixture of anger that they should have had to tolerate it, combined with pride and inspiration because they did. Then I think of myself sitting here on the south coast of England thousands of miles away from many of the readers of this thread, but feeling far closer to them than to many of my neighbours and compatriots. Finally, I feel it is cathartic for us all to bare our souls in this way in this safe place, knowing that your readers are going to be sympathetic and in all probability have similar experiences of their own to describe.

After that, I feel compelled to write something more as a result of what I have read, and this makes the thread "current" again. It gets seen by a new batch of readers, who feel compelled to add something, and then when I get my next birthday message I find more postings, and answer them again. Incidentally, just in case you are wondering why I did not reply in September, I moved house and lost my broadband link for a couple of months this year. When I finally managed to get back online, there were 3,000 messages in my e-mail inbox, including the one that linked me back to this site. As for where other people are now, I can see that Homegirl and Lessara are still visiting from time to time, and I suspect that Doreen and Rosebud are still very busy around the site; also I have seen Natrushka's name on a recent posting. So some of the "old" crowd are still around. As for me, I am still losing weight and still having to work at it, but don't feel I have anything new to offer that I haven't already posted elsewhere. I now suffer from arthritis in my feet and ankles, and from chronic venous insufficiency, with frequent bouts of ulceration. Naturally, the medical people (doctors, nurses, even receptionists) all assume that these medical conditions are brought about by my weight, and refuse to believe it when I say that I was suffering from chronic venous insufficiency for years before my weight escalated. Luckily my blood pressure and cholesterol readings are both low, I don't smoke and I don't drink, so the medical people are not too sanctimonious with me. Even so, they still act as if I deserve it!

I must recount one embarrassing experience I had recently. After a prolonged bout of leg ulcers, I was finally able to go swimming for the first time in 15 months. Swimming is a great activity, because you can exercise every muscle in your body, you can work at your own pace, you can gradually build up the activity over a period of time, and best of all the water's buoyancy supports you, giving all your leg joints relief from having to carry your weight around while you are exercising. All went well until it was time to get out. The workout was unhurried, but fairly intense, and I was tingling with a feeling of good health. But then I found that I couldn't get out of the pool! The steps were not wide enough for me to get my whole foot on, and because of the arthritis in my feet and ankles I was unable to walk up them with only the front half of the foot making contact. I tried hauling myself out of the shallow end, but the arthritis meant I could not push with my feet, and I was unable to pull myself out with just my arms. Of course, the other swimmers in the pool assumed it was my weight that was preventing me from getting out. In the end, the lifeguard went to his store cupboard (or closet) and extracted a heavy plastic manikin used for teaching resuscitation to life-savers. With the rest of the pool watching his every move, he brought it down to the shallow end, filled it with water so that it sank, and I was finally able to climb out by standing on it and hauling myself up with my arms. He told me that next time he would have to use the hoist to get me out. So I made enquiries and found out that a disabled group use the pool once a week, and all their members need to use the hoist to get in and out, so I guess I'll be joining the disabled group so that I don't stand out each time I enter and leave the water! Interestingly, when I have used other swimming pools, they have had steps wide enough for me to get out myself, by simply walking up them.

Good luck to everybody. I think you are all amazing, and I wish you all well.

Andy

Well this was a very painful read this morning. My heart just weeps for all who have experienced such rejection and rudeness, especially those childhood experiences.

It has stirred up some emotional baggage that I have going to have to deal with of my own.

My tormenter is my mother. I know she loves me and she is a good, loving mother. She is caught up in her own weight issues and thinks she is helping me.

She has said recently:

" I am worried because you are getting so big"
" Are your birth control pills causing your weight gain"
" Could you have a thyroid problem"

All this is unsolicited and of course she has given me the "I am concerned about your health" talk.

and she has admitted that I am an embarrasment to her. (that one really hurts...like a punch in the gut)

It is really difficult for me emotionally, I mean for goodness sakes I am a size 14! It could be a lot worse, but that is irrelevant. It is about acceptance.

She does not accept me as I am and that is what is most painful. There is constant pushing to color my gray hair, lose weight, get my nails done etc.

When I do meet my goal, I am just as worried about hearing the positive comments she will give me, because I know that she doesn't accept the real me, it is all superficial.

I have to deal with this soon because I am going to see her for Christmas next week.

How did you get on?

Speaking as both a son and a parent, sometimes you have to stand up to your parents and say that you also expect a certain amount of respect and dignified behaviour from loved ones, and that you do not like to be shown up in public any more than they do. I do not accept this excuse that as people get older they can be rude and trample all over other people's feelings. It probably hasn't occurred to your mother that her remarks cause offence, and unless you draw it to her attention, it probably never will. I am also rather tired of people thinking that just because you are overweight your feelings do not have to be taken into account, and they can get away with rudeness nobody else would tolerate. I am 58 years old today, but do not expect to be immune from common courtesy now or in the years to come just because of my age. Nor do I expect someone else to think they are immune from courtesy because of their age. It is rather like a violent person beating up a loved one, then afterwards claiming they couldn't help it because they have anger management issues. None of these things wash. People are entitled to be treated with proper respect, and should not have to suffer at the hands of others just because they are overweight, or related to a violent person, or any other excuse. I'm afraid that nowadays I am inclined to answer this kind of rudeness by asking what right the person thinks they have to criticise others, such as me. And then I ask them if they think a supercilious, sanctimonious, holier-than-thou and critical attitude makes them better than the person they are looking down their nose at. It doesn't make me very popular, of course, but why should I try to court the good opinion of someone who clearly holds me in such contempt themselves? At least it tends to stop them doing it too often! Some never even try it a second time, at least not out loud and to my face. I have children who have unfortunately inherited my genes. Like me, they only have to look at food to gain weight. And some of them eat so little that they faint from hunger (much as I try and stop them doing it) but even so other pupils and even teachers still keep telling them they are eating far too much. The children listen to them and not me. One of them starved himself recently - and still gained weight. Teachers just refuse to believe them, but my wife and I are the ones who have to cope with mentally and emotionally abused children afterwards. And from the experiences of the older ones, this will adversely affect them for many years to come. It's time we all stood up to all these emotional bullies and told them where to go!

This post has been taken right out of my life. every thing in here has happened to me. family putting you down, friends being embarrased by you and not sticking up when people put you down or even laughing along with them. i started out my life a skinny beautiful child. i was a model and i did movies(extra work) and was in a couple of commercials. my mother had always been overweight and she was very supportive but the rest of the people in my life treated me like a different person. and i feel like i should have gotten " you have such a pretty face, and You are such a good friend" tattooed on my face because it was said to me soooo many times. when i was about 10 i was diagnosed with a disease that supresses the immune system and i was given prednisone as a medicine which maked me expirecne uncontrolable cravings. i put on about 100lbs before i was well again. the disease i had made it hard for me to walk and move myself. for this reason i always had to sit at the sidelines or the school had to make special arrangements for me to attend functions and stuff because i had a wheel chair. people were brutal. saying i was to fat to walk and i was disgusting. making noises as i walked by. i had never been treated like an outsider before this reaction made me so depressed i did actually try to commit suicide. i was all alone and i dreaded leaving the house. i would eat and watch tv and watch my old friends (old and not really good friends) having a life.i remember one thing that some girl did in summer school that still amazes me that someone would have the gaul to even think to do this to someone. i was sitting in a desk and i felt something on my back but everytime i looked back there was nothing there. when i got home and took off my shirt i had noticed that she had written "I am a fat piece of shit" on my back with a sharpie. i was so devestated that i got my mother to talk to the school so i didnt have to go to those summer classes and could make up the work another way. i know things like this are responsible for shapeing who i am today and i know these expirences are the reason that i am able to feel for these people that are going through things i have been through. i heard from someone a couple of years ago that this girl was a drug addict and she had 5 kids now and she is my age. lately i have been thinking that everything happens for a reason. like cause and effect. something bad has to happen to you for you to grow as a person. you cant overcome adversity untill you have faced it. i believe that girl did me a favor kind of because when i am thinking of giving up and i want to just eat what i want a do what i want i think about how that made me feel and i dont want to feel like that ever again.

Another sad story, and another person who has been treated the way nobody should have to put up with, and nobody has a right to inflict on someone else. I am sorry you had to go through all that.

The only crumb of comfort I glean from this is that in my experience the people who have suffered in life are always the nicest and kindest of people themselves. You must be a wonderful person, and I'd like to wish you all the best.

This made me cry..really..may god bless you and you achieve all your dreams.

Another year on, and still the stories of cruelty, abuse and intimidation continue. Still the people suffering this treatment show themselves to be morally, emotionally and personally superior to their tormentors. Occasionally there is the story of a tormentor getting their come-uppance, and they are great to read. But still the world thinks it has the right to be as rude, critical and sanctimonious as it likes, just because we weigh more than them. I have been more impressed by everyone who has posted stories on this thread than all their detractors, and if I had to surround myself with any team of people to tackle a task in life, I could do far worse than to look here for helpers - and be very happy to do it. People posting here have proved tough, resilient, worthy, and imbued with tons of moral fibre. And I wish you all well.

I've just been reading through this thread again...thanks Andy, for keeping it alive.

The words in it take my breath away.....and when I can get up the strength to share mine...I'll be back. It takes a lot out of me to write how my weight has affected my life.... all my life.

I can't believe how cruel people are to each other.

I don't believe it always learned at parents knees. I know plenty who are d bags and parents are not and visa versa.

This has been posted on Facebook numerous times this past week:

The girl you just called fat? She is overdosing on diet pills. The girl you just called ugly? She spends hours putting makeup on hoping people will like her. The boy you just tripped? He is abused enough at home. See that man with the ugly scars? He fought for our country. That guy you just made fun of… for crying? His mother is dying. Put this on your status for an hour, if you are against bullying. --- Save a life. National Suicide Prevention Week!!!!!!!

Problem is that the walls I see this on are often the same people who bullied me when I was a kid. One girl that I thought would be supportive because she was overweight too would laugh at me when I was being tormented. She is now the adoptive mother of several children from overseas. It makes me so mad that she can have a such nice life considering she made mine so sad.

Ugh. Know that feeling. I wasn't that fat in highschool..130'ish instead of 110'ish..but I actually had a 200lb+ girl make fun of me with her friend. I was actually stunned..she looked like THAT and said what? My problem in highschool was that I wasn't thin enough to be normal and I wasn't fat enough to be fat. Being in the middle was just as bad.