This is such a tough situation to be in! But I agree there is not a lot you can be as a mom except be supportive - you are such an awesome role model it's hard to believe your daughter can't see it! But mother/daughter can be such a precarious relationship. When I put on a bit of weight as a teen and got to about a US size 13/14 or so my mom began to ride me about my weight - taking me to Weight Watchers, trying to bribe me with money to lose weight, etc etc. But because it was "mom" pushing it I ate more and more just to spite her.
My sister and her daughter had a similar issue for years - both are 6 feet tall. My sister as her "fattest" weight ever (around when she hit menopause) was about 150 lbs, but most of her adult life was in the 120-125 lb range, and now finally settled in at about 140 after menopause and a rigorous diet. So she has no clue what being overweight means. I mean she was in TEARS when she hit 150 pounds and had to wear size 8 dresses, and immediately ran off to Weight Watchers (I wonder what they thought of her there? I was in WW once and at 5'7" they gave me a GOAL weight of 150!)
Anyway, her daughter, as a teen, began to put on weight. She is now 30 and I'm not sure of her weight, but certainly well over 200 pounds. My sister began to get hysterical (like my mom) when her daughter reached size 13/14, and went through all sorts of hoops like saying "let's go on a diet together" and forcing them both to have weekly weigh-in's together to "be accountable".
My niece flipped out. At one point she did try to be compliant, and she took up SMOKING as she'd heard people often lost weigtht if they smoked. Yeah, that was sure an unintended consequence of my sister's obsession (I can't recall how many times she called me "fatso" when we were teens - she a size 4 and me a size 14).
Anyway, my niece just continued to get heavier - so the end result, for now at least, is that she is about at her heaviest, is a smoker, and is barely on speaking terms with my sister whom she sort of blames for ruining her self-esteem.
I know it's hard, but I really feel the best thing you can do is continue to be the wonderful role model you are, try to keep only healthy foods around for her to eat. If she has to PAY for her own goodies - well you say she is doing that, but perhaps she will ultimately come to see some things are more important to spend her own money on. I know it's hard for your husband and son but maybe they can try to agree to keep few of those things in the house. Or indeed have a really save place to keep them!
Oddly my BiL had the opposite problem growing up - his mom was a HUGE carb addict and to the end of her life at age 87 she ate virually nothing but cookies, cakes, crisps, chips, donuts, candy .... But she didn't want her son growing up like that and only served him carrots, meat, veg, fruit, etc. She had a house FILLED with junky carbs, but kept them all in locked cabinets so only she could eat them, and her son could not get any.
I mean this was woman who would cook a meat/starch and veg dinner for her husband and son, and sit at table with them and watch them eat, but not have a bite, and then after dinner would break out all her junky carbs abd eat them while she cleaned up the kitchen after the meal.
I don't know how that affected his psyche, he's a bit of a weirdo IMHO, but today at age 58 he still doesn't like sweets - though he does eat like a horse and lots of carby things like breads, potatoes, rice, etc. But he is also 6'3" and has never weighed more than 165 pounds (despite actually wanting to weigh 185, but never able to gain an ounce even though he ate about 5-7000 calories daily in a futile attempt to gain!)
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