Ladies!!!!!-
NIC- I am so glad the youngster 20 - got everything he needed and is feeling better about things!!!!!
I would not say Amsterdam is on my bucket list- but most of the places he wants to visit are!
I know like
BLUE- once he gets his bearings it's off to the races!!!!!!
Ever read the book - "Oh the places you will go? " By Dr. Suess? I gave a copy to each of my kids when they graduated from high school. I love that book- Oh the places........... it is a must read!
I hear ya loud and clear on kids not wanting to go to collage right now. it is VERY hard for them. I STILL have student loans at my age!!!!!! I will die with them, unless I win the lotto!!!!!
BLUE- - really a new writing assignment?!?!?!?- Just your cup of tea! So you! You have a knack with the written word and can see things most can't! Cheers to your new endeavor!!!!!!!! I can't wait to hear all about it!!!!!!
Trig- my dear friend- ate crab legs until I could eat no more and stopped. I thought of your belly ache and stopped at 2 bunches. 4 legs= 8 legs but they was not alot of meat in these. They looked plumed and juicy and then I was just tired of fighting to work a scrap of meat. Too much work. Tomorrow I have scallops.
Lori- SO glad you are safey home. I bet you missed your bed!
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Things went really side ways with my mom. Two of you ask- so I will share. I got very upset yesterday. She invited herself over for lunch and insisted I take to out. I told her I was working but she could come over and I would pick up anything she wanted.
I called her and told her I got hung up with a important meeting and was running late- but she could stop over, and had just picked up food for her
She blasted me. Take in mind I was on the clock and WORKING!!!!!!
She came over - I ask polity for her to take off her shoes. Pet peeve of mine- no shoes in my house. She refused.
Then she just left like 10 minutes later.
I texted her last night and was like WTF??????? Happened? - She was insulted ........ Are you ready for this- she was not given a napkin, told me I shoved shrimp in her face and was late. WTH?????- really I spent 25 on a shrimp salads - she ate none of it and told me again I was late and din't provide a napkin.
WTF- I was working, told her I was running late. Got home and was getting out her lunch and she said- oh forget it it is too late to eat. So I just put shrimp on the counter rather than make a big salad. then she said I didn't feed her. I was SOOOOOOOOOO upset. I said nothing. I dumped the sand and shrimp after she left because I was so pisst. Again I didn't say crap.
However I texted her last night and told her I was hurt over her actions. She called me names (typical) and would not take a call. Really calling me names- how old is she????
I am DONE DONE DONE with that crap.
So I face timed her this morning, she went right into screaming at me, I dumped her, (hello was working) - and called me stupid. I very quietly said of you continue to scream this call is over, agin she starting screaming, I said again in normal tone- I am not taking this - speak in a normal tone- more screams- I hung up and said I was done.
Then comes the barrage of texts- everything I am not doing right, more stupid, it went on and on and on. I wrote back a simple text.
:mom- I am too exhausted to fight with you. My Job is enough stress I can't handle any more. Unless you just stop with the insults and screaming I can't talk to you right now. I love you but am unwilling to put up with your rants. I would thing knowing what you do about my Jon you would be supportive. But no- you scream at me for forgetting to get you a napkin. Life is short, if this is the way you want to spend it this is on you. I love you but am not your punching bag any longer. You have pushed everyone one away with your anger and I am about to be the next- I just can't take it."
That is what almost verbatim what I wrote. Her response- more venom. I turned off my phone. It is ALWAYS my fault. I am stupid - she calls me that all the time. I can't believe I have put up with this for so long. She is mentally ill. This I know and have given her grace because of it. She is bitter. My kids do not speak to her. I have put up boundaries- but not enough.
She has no friends, and hates everyone. She is really F'd up. I can't help her.
Monday is her 74th birthday. I am dropping off a card tomorrow in her mailbox (generic card) and not stopping. We were going out to dinner at her request ( money I don't have). It's really really really sad.
Ya know there is a piece of me that really wanted her to be the mom I knew have had. I have been trying to please her for years and years and years. She left in the middle of the night when I was like 8-9, when I was little and I never saw her again until I was in my 20's. Didn't know if she was even alive.
I grew up really fast. she left in the middle of the night. and that was that when I was little.
I became a woman because alot of other women stepped in at just the right point in my life. I am not giving self pity- oh just the opposite. I see her for what she truly is. She reminds me a a wild caged animal if you get to close she will rip off your hand or anything else exposed.
She will never have what I have had in my life. for a brief minute that makes me sad for her. So I have given her opportunities that most would have not.
I am ok with it truly- it is sad to see a wasted bitter life and not know true love. I have tolerated her. I love her because she is my mother- but I don't like her.
I bet that was more than you wanted NIC/ and BLUE. -
I am ok. I do not need her approval. I know I am worthwhile, smart, and beautiful inside and out. I try very hard to give people the benefit of the doubt. But with her I truly think it is a mental illness.
So............ That is what I deal with. sometimes the animal is tame, and sometimes not. She is a cat. (sorry Lori) - but she remains me of a rabid cat. sometimes what's petted but for the most time aloof.
On a positive note!!!!!!!!- Yes my DD is doing well and happy and feeling physically good.
On plan today. found out the stinky smell was coming from a bag of old carrots. GROSS- kitchen smells fresh and clean now. nothing worse than rotting vegetables.
Wanted to go t movies- went for long walk instead. Still hot here. 9:30 here. I am going to crawl into a fresh bed. All tucked in and ready for me. did all my sheets and blankets and cool and cozy!
Oh- my hair- it came out looking the same as it always does. it wasn't lighter. Just the same. Still ok in my books. I guess if I truly want some blond highlights I am going to have to pay or them!
I might go check out that singles group at the Methodist church tomorrow. Depends on when I get up.
I could really use some positive people as more support in my life right now. I am more spitural than religious. But ya know it's an hour out of my time. who knows.
I have scallops for tomorrow but don't feel like fish much. I great big ol cheese burger minus the bun sounds fabulous.
Night ladies.
BTW- I do not feel sorry for me. So please take my story as one of somebody who has overcome obstacles and made something of herself against the odds! That is me! That is why I am the scrapy survivor! I grew up on my own.
No dad either - so yes- own my own. MY god I turn out AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It was ok to write it out