Update:
Not much to update.
It's taken me a really bad year and a half and walking away from a lot of crap to get my head on straight. I'm finally getting to the point I'm able to just walk away (for the most part!) from some of the stupid crap and people. A person can only take being told there's something wrong with them (mainly because they don't fit the cut of the jib of other people) for so long before it does some serious damage.
And after a discussion with someone who gets it, I've just walked away. Which made me realize how tired I was of being fat again, dreading getting dressed in the morning because most of my clothes won't fit, control freaks, holier-than-thous/"experts" who can't accept "live and let live", and just not wanting to leave the house because I didn't want to deal with assholes. I learned a valuable lesson that being fat didn't make me as invisible as I thought it was, just more of a target and just pissed me off. And while losing the weight didn't make my life any easier, it gives me a few less things to stress over.
I recently cut almost everything out of my diet to figure out what I'm having an allergic reaction to, which sucks, but it's helping. I can breathe again and my horrible rash is gone (shingles my ass, "doctor"...). Since my schedule doesn't really permit getting sick, feeling like crap, or downtime so I'm taking the initiative my doctor either is too stupid or lazy to do. Hopefully it brings my blood pressure down too (again, thanks to having a stupid doctor, because while 130/90+ may be "healthy" for someone my age in his book it makes me feel like crap, especially since my normal BP has been ~102/70 for years).
That said, being back at 170-175 was not cool for so many reasons and I hope to NEVER see numbers anywhere near those again. Worry about clothes and even the hatred of the excess fat on my body are stresses I'm glad to be rid of and don't need.
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