Sat, Nov-26-05, 08:53
|
|
See, I smile :)
Posts: 464
|
|
Plan: A Version of My Own ;)
Stats: 208/141.5/135
BF:43%/26%/???
Progress: 91%
Location: Midwest
|
|
Hi...self-sabotager here...
Why I do it? I'll have this little voice in my head that tells me, "You aint all that. Too full of yourself, arent you?" So, I knock myself off the pedestal I think I'm on. I guess I can't allow myself to be happy with my accomplishments. To me, that is prideful. It also recognizes the fact that I had a weight problem in the first place. I have lost 100 pounds more than once in my life. I've weighed as much as 260 ten years ago, got down to 150, and gained 70 pounds back. Now I'm close to goal and the ONLY thing that keeps me from falling aff again is by not eating the carbs. Sugar and carbs are the gateway back to hell for me.
Also, there will be days that I feel, for lack of a better word, "fat". Doesn't matter what the scale reads, I still feel like that 260 pound person 10 years ago. So, might as well eat so my body can match what my head feels. Synchonize everything in a sick, twisted way.
How do I stop? Knowing that, like I said, sugar and carbs are the gateway I do not want to walk through.
I hesitate to post this because it is such a downer post, but I apologetically do so, anyway.
|