I haven't gone swimming in 6 years (and for like 4 years before that) - and I LOVE LOVE to do it. I LOVE swimming but I haven't let myself because I've been so ashamed for so long.

Something I've figured out though, I was with a man for many of those years (7), he was emotionaly abusive and really drug me down farther than I could taken myself by myself. Don't get me wrong, I let him do it, but I'm just giving background.

During a short break with him (6 years ago) I met a man who constantly built me up and was always telling me how beautiful and wonderful I was. He brought me up out of despair and we went not only swimming but many other things I would have been to ashamed to do. Unfortunatley I left him and went back to the other.

I spent many more years not swimming anymore, once agian too ashamed. Eventually my ex took it too far, thank god one time was all that it took, one time, and I ran and never looked back.

Time passed and I found my now husband. My husband is the most apreciative sweet supportive man I could ever dream of. He's taken his time with me helping to build me up and I've taken a proactive roll by trying my best to listen and BELIEVE.

What I'd really like to get at though, is that no matter what happens - like heaven forbid something happened to my husband - I vow to never EVER let my self-worth be based on another persons opinion of me. It's up to ME, I am the one that has to look in the mirror everyday and apreciate myself. My husband is my lifeboat but I vow to do MY part and never bring him down, and if anything ever happens to him I promise to swim on.

I went swimming yesterday. I'm never going to stop again.