I have never posted in this forum before, but my weight/eating issues are becoming so much more obviously emotional now, that I decided to try.

I am facing unemployment for the first time in my life at the age of 58. My last job lasted 27 years with the same (small) company. I miss my colleagues (the whole company was shuttered, so we're all out of work now) and I am frightened for my financial future.

I am worried, depressed and frightened and I am using food and alchohol to blunt those feelings, but they are making me fat, hungover and MORE worried and depressed.

Help!! Anybody been through this and lived to tell about it?

Hi Nelson
I won't be much help, but want to offer my sympathies at the loss of your job
I have had many stressful situations that I have medicated with food, alcohol, smokes
My life is semi stressful right now. One thing I DO feel helps is magnesium(not mag oxide), and possibly vitamin D
Can you get into meditation? church?

I have been reading this free e-book. I think its pretty good. Maybe it will help you

http://www.thebridgemaker.com/wp-co..._2011_05_30.pdf

Thanks for responding. I can't say the book seemed helpful, but it does help a little knowing that others are wishing me well. I already supplement magnesium, and my serum D3 tested at over 90.
I am really fighting extreme anxiety and depression these days. Scary.

My sympathies. Those are huge life changes. As big as it gets.
No wonder you are experiencing both physical and emotional stress.

When I've had such things (death, divorce, unemployment) i found the best thing was to get intentional about finding someone to talk with, regularly. Someone who it's as important for them to talk with you, as it is for you to talk with them. I had a personal counselor, plus a support group about the same issue, plus my regular church study group, plus my best friend. And it was still a hard sad time.

I too beat myself up for the using of substances. But now I look back with much more tenderness. The body goes through this stressful time too, and isn't it smart to know how to soothe the body with instant gratification, even if the soothing isn't so smart long term?

Just wanted to say, there there. I am sorry you had to go through this. I am in high tech and at the age of 58, I have seen companies shuttered so many times.

oh I'm sooo sorry to hear your having trouble. Will say a prayer for you!!
I got divorced a couple years ago and my house is in forclosure only a 450 a month job no child support. I didn't drink but put on gobs of weight.
Let me tell you this WOE made it possible for me to go back to school and do well without the long standing depression! Financial aid for school has made it possible for my family to survive. Maybe you could look into that too? big hugs!!!

It interesting (sad, I guess) but interesting how many people have gone through or are going through the same kinds of things. I feel devastated emotionally today--just crippled. No booze or sugar today and maybe tomorrow will hurt less.

Nelson, I am 58 and in So Cal also. I work in banquets and we got hit really hard in this recession. Remember when the big corps were scandalized for holding out of town meetings and conferences when they were laying off people and their shareholders were losing money? Well, we lost all the bankers, real estate developers, construction groups, automakers, you name it. That means no banquets for me to prepare and run. I was down to working 1-2 days a week.

Then I moved to another city due to my youngest son picking a college there. I was unemployed for months and the unemployment department in this state is run like a third world country. SO STRESSFUL having to wait weeks for a telephone interview because they *think* you made a mistake on your claim form. The money stops for weeks!

Anyway it was about 3 months before I found part time work (sent out multiple resumes weekly and only got that one phone call) and 10 months before I found my current fulltime position.

I too had anxiety and I gained 25 pounds.

Looking back, you just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other even if it means downsizing more than you ever imagined. I had to give away most of my belongings and move to a 1 bedroom (with 2 kids). I almost ended up renting a single room.

So yes, other people have suffered like you and lived to tell about it. Don't rest on sending out the resumes. In the meantime, hit every temp agency in a 50 mile radius. Hopefully they can find you work....often temp work turns into permanent.

I wish you the best. I know how painful this is.

I was `downsized' due to political machinations from a job where I expected to stay, and I was devastated---so much so that I neglected to do things that were very important for me to do. I just shut down, and sleepwalked through what was absolutely necessary. I was also in denial, and kept expecting that things would change; eventually, my supervisor came to me, admitted that he found out what had happened, but said it was too late to change anything. Funny, I think that was six years ago, but I still feel my throat tighten when I think of it.

This is the advice I wish someone had been able to get through to me at the time: "The sooner you accept the new reality, the sooner that you let go of the vision of what you thought would be, the more quickly you can adapt." I was too busy grieving and denying and in general dealing with my emotions to deal with the reality of my situation, which required a quick adaptation to new circumstances. It sounds like you are going through something similar: anxiety, depression, probably anger and obsessing and if-only's, and the sense of an inability to carry out the simplest of tasks.

If anyone considers this an extreme metaphor, please forgive that--I'm trying to make my point as best I can: it as if you are living in a country and it is attacked by an invading force; your spouse is killed, and you are responsible for getting your children to safety; you are devasted, but for now, grief is a luxury that you really can't afford--right now, it's about survival. Under those circumstances, one promises oneself that later you'll mourn, but right now you have to stay alive.

Faced with that situation, I went face down in the food, regained a substantial amount of weight, and made a tough situation tougher by not adapting quickly. I've changed--I roll with the flow a whole lot faster now, but I paid such a heavy cost to learn that lesson that I would gladly pass on what I learned if I can.

I remember reading something written by a debt counselor. He said that most people, when they are up to their necks in debt, go into denial. They don't know how much they owe, to whom, or how much is due when. They say things like, "The bank can't foreclose; this is my home!" That's the emotions talking; the reality is, "No, that's collateral you live in until the mortgage is paid off." As a result, instead of facing which way the wind is blowing and selling the house for what they can get out of it, they hold on until they are in foreclosure. They choose the temporary comfort of self-delusion, and in exchange for that, they are unable to salvage what they otherwise could have from a difficult situation. Unemployment was like that for me; denial kept me holding on to everything when I should--in retrospect--have been battening down the hatches and chucking ballast overboard as fast as I could.

If you don't mind my asking, would you be willing to share more details? Either about your situation, if you wish, or about what you specifically could use from us in terms of support? I have some suggestions, but they are more about overall survival in this situation, and that might not be what you are asking for. If you would like a response to the job situation, these are thoughts and questions that I have:

• Anyone who can hold down a job for 27 years has talents--marketable talents--that someone out there needs. It's a question of finding that position. Don't undervalue yourself because of age. If an employer even breathes a hint that they are looking for someone younger, explain that your age translates into nothing but an asset. Studies show that younger workers bounce around more in jobs, call in sick more often, and are not as reliable as more mature employees. You bring a lot to the table; don't ever forget that when you're marketing yourself.
  
• Is the service or product that your company offered still in demand, but just needs to be offered more competitively? Can you and your former co-workers find a way to offer that service or create that product and market it cooperatively?
  
• Are you free to move to another region to find work? Do you have family responsibilities that anchor you to where you live? If you have a house, and had to move, could you rent or sell it in order to move to where there's work? This one is a tough one, because most of us have very strong feeling about the place we live. If you're a mortgage holder, can you go to your bank and explain what happened, and get a break on your interest rate for a time? (Hint: do NOT pay anything for a program that MIGHT make you eligible for a reduced rate. I read about some people getting scammed like that under similar circumstances, and were then foreclosed upon after doing everything they were asked to do.) If you are renting, and have been in your building for several years, perhaps consider going to your landlord and talking to him or her about the situation, and seeing if they can be adaptable during the coming belt-tightening times. If they refuse up front, it might be wise to look for a less-expensive option now rather than later.
  
• What are your job skills? Did you absolutely love what you did? If not, what would you love to do?
  
• Do you have savings or a pension, or both, that will help you get through this time? If so, how long will your cushion last? Are there any monthly expenses that you could cut back on to make those savings last longer?
  
• Are there any dreams you've been deferring until maybe-someday? Is there anyway that someday could be now? Joining the Peace Corps? Going to Australia? Opening a ballroom dance studio?
  Do you have any skills that you could negotiate for sale or trade at this time? Offer your ability to teach piano to someone who can do auto maintenance or home repairs? Cater a friend's birthday party?
  
• Are there any projects that you've needed to get to, but put off because you haven't had time? Cleaning out the garage might not seem like a major accomplishment, but if you can get yourself to do that, everytime you walk in there, you'll feel better about yourself. And that sense of lightening your load and being more free to adjust to the winds of change is considerably helped by hauling ten boxes of junk to the curb and yard-saling another ten. Trust me on this one.
  
• Sit down and make a list of the worst possible things that could happen. Recognize that there is not one thing on that list that others haven't faced, and you can get through them, too. Tell yourself that even if you're not completely convinced.

If you are asking only for help with the food and drink aspect, then that stuff I asked above doesn't apply. Just let us know what you want, and that will help me (and perhaps others) tailor our responses to you.

You're really wise to reach out for help. I found a website where people were trying to find work in my field, and ultimately, I found it so depressing I could no longer visit there. Most of the people posting were bitter--they had just graduated and thought that the hard part was over, and a job was owed them.

However, I found a like-minded colleague in the same situation, and we buddied up and took it offline and helped one another through it. It really helped to be able to talk to someone that knew what I was going through, but wasn't drowning in her pain. She helped me shake it off and move on, and she and I still correspond. Find support (such as you're reaching out for here--good for you~) but make sure it feels good to get it. If you're finding yourself caught up in the drama and pain that others are going through, it may not be the best place for you right then.

Endorphins are your friend. Get out of the house daily, and move. Swim. Walk. Dance. Post as much as you find helpful to get through this.

For what it's worth, I found another job where I was making about 10K more a year than the one I lost. Change happens, and it sucks. But you can get through this.

Thank you SO MUCH for your extended, thoughtful reply. It means a lot.

Yesterday, I had absolutly no alcohol (for the first time month!) and essentially no sugar. I slept better and feel much better than I did yesterday. So that is going to become my primary tool right now to control the panic/anxiety. No booze, no sugar.

As for the rest of it, I realize going through your list that I am much better off than I realized. I was smart enough to see this layout coming about two years ago when our small publishing house was bought by a larger one. During those two years I agressively paid off all of our debts. No car payment, no credit cards, no other loans. We just have a small mortgage payment, are not underwater (house is valued at 3x what we owe even in this market) and, most importantly, my husband is still working full time.

Actually, the "big publisher" has decided to keep me on payroll through the end of the year finishing up a couple of large projects that I am uniquely qualified to complete. I am working out of my home office. My anxiety yesterday was so severe that I couldn't believe I was capable of doing the work. Today I know that it is very doable. Again--booze related anxiety yesterday had me in a panic.

When I am actually layed off in December, I should receive a severance package that, with luck and self-discipline, combined with unemployment insurance, should keep us going for at least a year.

I am actually astounded at how black everything looked yesterday, and how, well, merely overcast they really are.

Thanks again for reaching out to me Kathleen. I am keeping all of your list available for review. I absolutely agree about exercise and fresh air. That is going at the top of my daily "to do" list, and I have begun exploring certification programs at a local community college to refresh my office skills. Temp work sounds great to me!

At the risk of sounding Pollyanna-ish, this could end up being as much of a beginning as it is an ending. It's all going to be how you choose to react, and it sounds like you're managing that well. You had to hit bottom on the response--that's natural. Then comes the time to shake it off, tie your running shoes, and fight. You were looking for a job when you found this one. The next one might be a job you make for yourself, o `uniquely qualified' one.

ETA: There are state- and federally-funded programs in place for retraining 'displaced workers' and I should think you would eminently qualify as that. They can cover the costs of the kind of certification programs you are looking into, or even a degree program. Leave no stone unturned! "Chance favors the prepared mind." Louis Pasteur, who should know.