Khrussva
Thank you for that. I needed to hear it. I am not saying I won't lose the weight. I am going to try with all my heart and soul, but I am saying that I will see when I get there what I look like. If I feel like a disappointment, then why not be a fat, happy disappointment. Folks I have a lot of that being a disappointment in my life, and I am at a point where I can't take having him look at me and see more ugly than I am now. Its not him, its me. I know that. But I can't change it.
I do know that those shows cause such fast weight loss that no one's skin could shrink to keep up with them, I have a pretty good apron now. I'm really scared about it not coming back. I absolutely do not wear shorts now, except as pajamas to walk around the house in before I get dressed, but if I don't look okay to me in those shorts when I get the weight lost, I won't wear them. I have had a lifetime of being embarrassed, I know you all know that feeling too, so I'm not thinking I'm the only one here, but I do know how I feel. I feel like a disappointment now. I just want to be told I look good, just once in my life by someone who might mean it. You know? I can't stand the thought of getting there and not looking better. We'll just see. I appreciate all your help folks, but this one thing is not going to change for me. Its too ingrained and I'm just scared over it.
Can I tell you though, I did have a small victory tonight.
First here was my day:
Breakfast:
2 eggs with about 2 ounces of turkey breast.
Lunch:
I was on the go and ate the small package of pepperoni.
Supper:
I had purchased a 10-pound bag of chicken hindquarters, and I took 2 of them, so actually 4 pieces, and fried those in canola oil in a cast iron pan where I had cooked steak a few nights ago. It still had some of the fat from the steak along with soy sauce, worcestershire sauce, garlic powder, onion powder, salt and pepper. It was nearly dry till I added the canola oil, but oh my goodness were those pieces of chicken great! Crispy skin, no breading of course, and that was my supper, oh plus about 6 little cherry tomatoes.
After supper tonight, hubby and I had an argument. Came into my office to work (medical transcriptionist from home) and I brought an old friend with me, a 6 fun size pack of simply caramel milk way. Okay, just gonna knock these back and I'll feel better cause I deserve it.
I opened the package, took one out and then looked at it and said to myself, "Self, what are you doing? Are you really wanting to sabotage yourself on the first day??? All over an argument? No, I don't deserve this punishment, I deserve to lose weight!" So I put the little bugger back on my desk and I haven't touched it. I'm going to touch it though. Gonna take it back to hubby's candy stash and keep my hands off of it.
Yay for me, a victory, small though it may be!
Last edited by dunroven : Mon, Aug-08-16 at 20:40.
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