i am only 20 years old, but i see myself becoming obese in the near future.

2 times in my life, i have gained significat weight, both times 20 pounds within a month..

and i have forever tried to lose them, and became sicker and sicker.

i started dieting at age 11. and now, my body refuses to lose weight.

as a child, since i was born to the age of 6 years old, i spent most of that time in the hospital. i dont know what i had, but it was probably an eating disorder. i didnt care about weight back then, but i hated eating. i lived through needles and nutrient injections.
i didnt even drink water.

and i think that has permanently damaged my body, or maybe made it SO efficient that it refuses to lose weight and hangs onto caleries as i eat them.

i have tried diet after diet. and there was a period of 5 months where i did the following : every single day, wake up at 5 am, excersised for 3 hours. got to school at 8:30 am. ate food 2 hours later. ate lunch at noon. come home at 3pm. excersise for another 3 hours. ate dinner at 5. then nothing else. and ate less than 1000 cal a day.... (i think this would qualify as anorecsic)

first two weeks, ilost 10 pounds, gained it all back in the next month and nothing happened for the rest of the 3 month period.

and there were things like gulping down laxative tea at 10 times the recommanded amount....

and many other things, i was even bulimic...

and i jsut had a major surgery a year ago where i almost bleed to death because my blood had problem cloting...

all the while i was bogged down with depression, fatigue, insomia where i would wake up 4-5 times a nite and sleep talk in my sleep.

is there hope for me? is there?

silence, I hear you and there is hope. You are not a sloth. You can't control everything. You are feeling hopless and need some direction.

First, you need some counselling with a therapist who handles eating disorders or a 12-Step Group such as Overeaters Anonymous which embraces anorexics and bullemics as well as overeaters - anyone with an eating disorder. There is no shame in this and it would be one of the most loving things you can do for yourself right now.

This is the link forOvereaters Anonymous

Low-carbing is a great plan of eating to balance your energy, keep you healthy and level out your insulin, but just having an eating plan will not help you overcome your ED. You need both to make you healthy and whole again.

You are not alone. Please consider this, keep us up to date.

Karen

silence, there is hope. Karen has given you great advice. I do hope you keep us informed--I'm pulling for you to find health and joy.

but i no longer am anorecsic. but these previous problems has caused a permanent damage to my matabolism

but i could never admit this before, i was bulimic and even though i no longer am severely bulimic, i still throw up from time to time....
nothing i am proud of, but there is a sense of hopelessness and despair that comes with food and prior to vomiting

For the way you have openly talked about your past problems with food and some ongoing ones too.

I agree with Karen that if you could find a counselor and work with them through all this -- you've made such big strides already!

It may take some time to get your metabolism going again -- I've been doing this for about a month and I've seen some sight fluctuations in the scales (I go down 5, I go up 5) but no real weight loss yet. The main thing is that you take care of you for you because you are worth it.

We are here for you to encourage you and laugh with you and cry with you. I know that you are going to continue on with this and regain your health.

You can do it!

thank you so much. it makes so much difference to know that someone cares. and yes i am worth it. and i will repeat it like a mantra until i start believing. i willcome here more often and share and try to help too.

Hi Silence,

I read over your post and you mentioned that you think your body just refuses to lose weight. Have you ever thought about getting your thyroid checked? I have a thyroid condition and it was hard for me to lose weight until I was put on medication. The next time you visit your GP you should talk to them and ask them to check your thyroid...it wouldn't hurt and then you will know if it is or not. And if it's not then maybe they can tell you what is happening. Good Luck! And DRink Drink Drink lots and lots of Water...this helps too!

Sheelah

silence, of course we care about you! You are worth caring about, too.

I'll second Karen's advice to find an eating disorders counselor--if you don't like the first one you interview, keep trying until you find one you "click" with!

I can tell you from my ED experience that a decade+ of starving myself did permanently change my metabolism. I estimate my basal metabolic rate must be one that burns off about 800 calories a day now. I'd hate to see you end up where I am! (it's frustrating, I promise you!) The shorter period of time you have an ED, the shorter period of time your metabolism will be messed up. Even severe anorectics, treated young, can have normal metabolisms as adults. That's another good reason to get some help to stop the vomiting, any inclination you have toward lowering calories now, etc. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure (or being left with no cure at all). Get treatment before you're much older, and your thirties and forties may be lived free of the obsession with food, weight, and exercise!

Best of luck to you.

Silence,
You are such a beautiful and caring person. It's time to lavish some care on yourself!
Please do all you can do to help yourself. Learn all you can learn. All of the Mentors here will help you. You don't even need to ask. Just start a journal here, and post daily. All here have time for such a beautiful person as you.
With the right counceling, and all the LC'ers support, I have every confidence you'll succeed in releasing the happy, confident person inside.
Looking forward to seeing your beautiful, smiling face soon!
Murp

Silence:

May I suggest some extra reading to you? Maybe by reading these 2 books, it'll will give you some direction as you try to pursue help for your health challenges.

1) Solved: The Riddle of Illness -by S.E. Langer & J.F. Scheer

2) Dr. Atkins' Nutrition Breakthrough -by Robert C. Atkins

Take Sheelah's advice about getting your thyroid checked. The thyroid gland can easily become disfunctional by traumas ...anything that could be a shock to the body (childbirth, accidents, etc). Your eating disorder could possibly be one of those 'shocks' that has affected your thyroid. The first book will give you input on what kinds of tests are effective when testing your thyroid.

Hang in there! You could become a real beacon of light to fellow strugglers. Your 'mountain' may be greater than other folks' mountain, but once accomplished, your victory will be all the greater too.