I made it!!! It has been a month since my belt lipectomy, and I am doing great. I feel great. I still have that bizarre shooting pain on the side of my left hip. It hurts if I lean or sit sideways. Sometimes it is painful when clothes hit is wrong. I also find that my posture is not completely normal. I can stand completely straight when I am rested, but it still feels like it is pulling. I notice that I am mostly still slump shouldered. (My man loves this 'cause he can constantly look down my shirt!) I still take a muscle relaxer every 12 hours or so since I have a history of back pain--there is no point in creating tension when I have this lovely prescription, right? Plus, I am still sitting much more than normal.
My waist is shrinking. First of all let me just say those words again...MY WAIST! I actually have a waist. WOW. The swelling is going down and I am gaining sensation. I am not wearing a restrictive garment these days unless I am going out and will be walking. Then, I am wearing an above the waist panty girdle. It seems to provide support and keeps me from having pain. If I am out and walking quite a bit, I do have some pain ---not bad by any means, but I think of it as a warning to move slowly and sit down often. My lower stomach---below the belly button is still swollen and very numb. It actually feels like I am still wearing a restrictive garment. I can't fully FEEL that I have a flat stomach yet.
Since the numbed sensation is still there, I'm a little nervous about it. Two women told me that ANY weight gain would go there first. I asked my doctor's medical assistant about that and she disagreed. I don't know. My belly has always been the FIRST place to show even the smallest amount of weight gain. BUT, I have had fat cells removed. I always understood weight gain to first to plumping up existing fat cells BEFORE creating new ones. Logically that tells me weight gain will go to existing fat cells located in my body BEFORE new ones would be created in my belly. However, my body historically deposits weight in my abdomen---the most dangerous area. This raises questions for me to research. Since I have had fat cells actually removed, will I be healthier now. I'm sure I probably still have fat around my internal organs, but I know it is better than it was.
This also says that I am still holding fear. Oh Sara!! Girl, you gotta get a grip on this. You so don't want to spend your thin life looking over your shoulder at your fat past!!! Learn from it and let it go. I am continuing my mental/spiritual/emotional recovery. Lots of prayer, reading, writing---all going in a positive motion away from the fear and into the joy. I am starting a new book study on another forum. We will be working with Judith Beck's Cognitive Therapy book. I get a lot out of brain research. GIANT thanks, Eno, for tipping me off to this book.
For me, I need to feel a match between my physical body and my desired body. I need to feel on the outside that I am moving toward my internal identity. To be thin, healthy, and fit, I need to feel that I am making progress in physically producing that. If this sounds weird to you, ask yourself if you have ever found yourself overeating or under exercising on your "fat" days. I'll bet you have. Now, the good thing about "blooming" at my age is that my internal image is a realistic one. I'm not going for perfection. I don't mind my scars. I'm happy with my basic frame and super happy that God gave me some nice features. (Did you know that I have great feet? As average, as average can be. I can soooo wear pretty shoes.
) I love to have fun in life and that carries over to my appearance. I will always be the teacher that will wear the wacky hats, hair, earrings, etc. Now, I am also confident enough to really "dress." I am embracing my inner princess. I am secure in who I am on the inside, so I can have fun with the outside. I accept that I DO want to be thin. I am learning to honor that desire.
I still haven't specifically posted on this forum the epiphany I had shortly before my surgery. It was a true gift from my Higher Power. I'll write about that soon.
For today I just want to post in where I am physically and mentally one month post surgery. Today, I am GRATEFUL!!!
Sara<><