Oh and PS - Day 1 for me!! I ate Kix cereal last night and some chocolates...not a huge amount but a few. My husband and I had a bon fire, stayed up way too late and I drank too much. Another issue for me! I don't drink daily but when I do drink sometimes I don't stop when I should and then I almost ALWAYS eat food that is off plan.

B, I'll see your issues and raise you a couple. I can't seem to stop picking the skin around my thumbnails and it's horrendous; I should buy stock in Bandaids. I have been struggling with this forever. Managed to stop biting my nails when I was 34, but this skin picking is ridiculous and chronic. Then we have the issue of chocolate Easter eggs. Please, don't ask. Let's just say I'm not buying another bag of those until 2013. I've just felt this awful malaise, like, Oh what's the point? Diet Shmiet. I have to rein this back in and get some control. Just waiting for that control to come waltzing around the bend, I suppose. Tomorrow is another day, thank the Lord, and I intend to NOT make chocolate a part of it. Thanks for ringing in.

How come there isn't a holiday where it's like..easter celery or Christmas salad..Damn chocolate!!!

Tomorrow is another day. And the fact that we're all here means that we desire change. We will have high and low moments but we ARE moving toward our goals. The only way we can fail is if we stop trying. Just keep swimming! Hmmm...now where have I heard that before!

0 days clean. Ive binged all weekend. I know the only thing that ever worked for me was strict lc eating. It worked for 5 years. Why am I protesting the thought of eating that way again. I need to do it.

I am finding that I am more enthusiastic about LCing now that it is getting sunny outside. I think I had a case of cabin-fever and the winter blues. We had such lovely weather lately. Sunshine, slight warm breeze, birds chirping, bees visiting my flowering pear tree, the smell of newly cut grass, it all makes camping in the kitchen or staring longingly in the fridge less attractive.

Easter Side note: I only cooked up a dozen deviled eggs in honor of Easter. I didn't buy on speck of chocolate or candies this year. I had planned on cooking up a ham as well, but I got lazy (I worked that day), plus the guys when to my mother-in-laws for Easter dinner on Saturday, so I know they didn't go hungry.

I don't know why I read this thread, as I am not really a binge eater.. I do feel terribly sorry for people who have emotional eating issues.

McCaine.. I hope you won't feel offended by this, but I'd like to suggest that you might be experiencing clinical/reactive depression. When you're depressed, motivation disappears, energy disappears, faith in one's own ability to change situations disappears too. It changes the way you see yourself, your life and that alters your ability to deal with things the way you normally would, and you cannot bounce back from things - every trifling event hits your emotions like a powerful blow, and you can misinterpret normal things in a way which makes you feel responsible, or that you have caused certain issues.

If you go to doctors, you just get pills - and often the side-effects of anti-depressants are weight-gain.. The anti-depressants just to remove you emotionally so you have less intense pain, but it does nothing to address the issues which are actually making the depression continue.

The key to coping, and recovering from depression, is to understand how depression is affecting your thinking and outlook, and to learn techniques to break the cycle. I would like to recommend a book called "Coping With Depression" by Ivy Blackburn. It's out of print, but available on Amazon, and I wrote a review of it here:

http://www.amazon.com/Coping-Depres...n/dp/0550205179

It doesn't go into the reasons for the depression - those could be medical or due to life circumstances. What the book does is help you to control the depression, change your thinking and that in itself enables you to cope better with your life, and reverse the downward spiral.

Reading between the lines of what you wrote, I feel that you are finding home life difficult at times - teenagers are very thoughtless, self-absorbed, a hotbed of hormonal disturbances and they can be very difficult to handle. Is there any possible way that you can take some time out and just find a peaceful place like a park where you can sit and maybe keep a diary of how you are feeling every day.. Tears can be so healing, but our pain is frightening because it can feel overwhelming, plus we don't want people to hear us crying.. We need a private place to go where we are able to move into that pain and shed the tears which bring healing. Just taking time every day to sit alone and get in touch with the way we feel is a very powerful strengthener.

I'd also recommend aromatherapy oils such as rose, mandarin, ylang ylang and lavendar - those are all soothing, sweet and nurturing and you can have them in your pocket and sniff the bottle, or mix with some oil or alcohol to put into your bath or on your skin, or drop them neat onto your pillow to aid sleep.. You don't get an instant effect as with a drug, but frequent use of this type of oil will have a gentle and subtle effect and over time you will recognise their value.

Another possible help is St. John's Wort, which is a herb known to help mild depression - that would address any chemical issues which might be causing or exacerbating the depression.

One last thing is that there are free telephone services, such as the Samaritans whom you can phone just to get things off your chest. You do not need to be suicidal to phone them. You can phone and explain that you are just needing someone to talk to, to get things off your chest, or because you are feeling overwhelmed. I set up a relationship with one service where I phoned the same person every week for several months to help me through a difficult period. I wasn't depressed, but I was extremely challenged by illness and lack of care and funds, and having that resourceful and dynamic lady (who'd been a district nurse) giving me practical advice and large doses of common sense over the phone helped me greatly to turn my life around. I went from being a victim to being empowered and assertive.

I hope you don't mind me writing such a personal message, but I myself went through a serious depression which lasted several years, and it affected every aspect of my life. That book helped with the thinking and the aromatherapy helped with the anxiety and other feelings and the St. John's Wort helped with the chemistry.

Please feel able to send a private mail if you feel you'd like to share anything in private.. I wouldn't mind giving you my Facebook link so you can write to me there, if I can help. I cannot alleviate the pain you're going through, but I have a lot of life-experience and have supported people emotionally for years, both professionally and in a volunteer capacity for a national telephone "listening ear" help-line.

2 days clean. I binged on Thursday after losing my cell phone. Planned on getting back in control Friday and I veered in that direction.

I'm a binge eater, yesterday was a small binge day, for me, but they are all bad. I ate a solid santa chocolate, it wasn't even that good, it was a good 6" tall though, then I was surching the FIL's house, and had a banana. You'd think I'd be stuffed, but no. We stopped at Caseyes and I got a Pork Fritter sandwich and a small back of chips. I almost cried when BF asked if he could share my sandwich. I of course shared, my 2 bites to his 1, then I fed him some of the chips, he seemed happy enough.

My aunt called to tell me when Easter dinner was. She told me it was going to be all salads for the meal. I was extatic! No desserts!! Then I asked her how everyone was going to manage without desserts, and he answer? "Oh dear, NO. Your uncle is bringing 6 different kinds of desserts from his resteraunt. Its a holiday Dear, theres no reason to forgo desserts." My salad? I made a "buffet salad", had all the fixing in a devided container, they loved it.

So, today is day 0 and I'm staying busy today. My trigger is boredom more than anything. I'm dissabled and stay at home with my kids. The youngest is in preschool today, I'm lost. I've done my outdoor chores, will be working on laundry all day, sweeped the floors and need to do several things, but I don't wast to clean!!! I'm tired of cleaning, I'm tired of sitting in this house! I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of gas prices being so damb high that I feel guilty for going visiting. I'm tired of my constant drive to eat, it does fill the time, but damb, there isn't enough food in the house to settle me.

I'm tired of starting over again, again and again, lost count over the years.

BTW: I didn't get my kits Easter baskets filled with candy. I got each of them a ball, the two younger ones got those big balls that you see in the center of wal-mart and my oldest got a new kick ball. That was there Easter gift, my younger 2 were mad at me, because they got a big Easter basket at there father. My oldest didn't say a word. We did an egg hung at FIL house, and I stashed pennies nickles in the eggs. The kids were tickled to death, at first, then they wanted candly. I wish people would give up on the damb candy for everything concept.

Thanks for your story Ruby. I know every one has a different story and reasons for doing what they do but it's still nice to have a human perspective on very real, and human issues.





It can be scary to commit to something for the rest of your life. It's kind of like getting married, even when you think this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, and you know they are good for you, it's still scary to take that big life altering step.

This is off topic, so forgive me. I figure that is a misspelling for kids, but I happen to call my kid my "kit". Short for kitten. I had a dream when I was pregnant with him that I was going to give birth to a kitten (I guess it is common preggo-dream). So I always ended up calling him and other little relatives "kittens" or my "poor kits". I kinda liked to think you called your children "kittens" too.

I am going to say I am at week one of clean eating.

I had written that I had made it a week 4 days ago, but I know I had a fz. pizza somewhere after the pumpkin pie thing. I let my freezer run out of "good meals" and I was up to just grabbing anything to just have something to eat. I went to the store and restocked, I just can't let myself get that low. I get this crazy panicky feeling if there is nothing in the house, maybe a remnant of when my husband and I were real poor and had little food in our house. My brother has a cat that acts crazy as hell when his food bowl runs low, I can relate to that cat. He was a stray and starving when my brother saved him-he still remembers the "hungry times".

Actually, I raise rabbits, and their young are called kits. I have 2 litters of kits in the barn now and more on the way. They are the scenter of my thoughts as they have their kits through this crappy, cold, rainey weather.

They are my "other children."

I call my children Monsters

I've been a binge eater since 13- I am 51, now, and when I low carb it is AMAZING to me how diminished my cravings are.
I lost 5.1 pounds this first week on South Beach.

Looking forward to meeting all of you, Sue

This is my journal entry from today. Its finally out in the open. I have been a binge eating since I was a teen. I was never a binge and purge person..always always a binge. I have lost almost 90 lbs since my husband and I got married. I kept my binge eating under control for about 3 years. Now, its a raging monster again. Lc eating has been the only thing that kept it at bay. I am sharing this all, painfully honest, not to be judged, but to help anyone that is going thru this that hates themselves for it, that binges and hides it, stuffing all their feelings inside, for those who don't know why they do, like me.





I told I finally told Brian about food addiction and binging.

I was with x for 20 years never told him, never told person or friend in real life, just the web groups and online friends. I don't know how or y but I started telling him this morning, causally bringing up a compulsion mentioning just a little to see his reaction I told him like it was no big deal to tell him walking around getting ready for work while he was on computer.

I added little more he didn't get it at all at first explained more and he goes your strong willed just stop. I text him long lo g message after I left for work tried to explain the amount I eat and that I hide. He first asked when did you eat, I don't see you.

I had only mentioned eating a little bit of things I shouldn't to first testing the waters. Then after I left I found it easier to spill it all and listed everything I ate yesterday.

We shall see but I finally told the secret is out. He still doesn't get it but at least its not a secret anymore..

later today....
Anyway I listed all I ate for him in a text. He goes wow. Told him I am sure there was more. He doesn't get,it still.

He kept mentioning just stop your strong etc. I did lie and tell him its been going on since winter, November. I did however tell him it has nothing to do with hunger there is no hungry or full and told him I cant stop that's why its a problem told him when I'm doing it id rather die than stop or even tell anyone.

Tried to stress what a problem it is but he has no food issues and I knew for years he wouldn't understand that's why ive kept it to myself. But its out there now. He knows

I explained it like I have never ever explained it to anyone. Brian doesn't get it. I wish I could just take it back. He's showing me he doesn't understand it. After pouring my heart out and purging myself of my dirty secert he tells me, U can do it. Its a matter of choice. Not an easy choice I am sure, but you've did it before (meaning lost weight) he doesn't get it at all about it being an addiction or compulsion.

I went on to text him in plain english every little embarassing fact. I do know he had no clue at all that I was eating or how much. It wasn't until i gave him the details of this last binge, the amount, that he realised it wasn't just eating too much.

But, Brian doesn't get the food addict idea at all. No surprise. I explained it is never ever during the week, and never when i am home from work etc..just mostly weekends and when i am alone or can get alone. I think more than anythign I just screwed things up and confused him and made him worry about something he doesn't understand and never can. I told Brian that if it was something i could control would i embarass myself in telling him>

In all honesty, I do not see it really changing anything at all for me about binging because I would never just "eat to much in front of him" it will always be hidden. There is no way i would do it in front of Brian or anyone else. Thats part of the issue and the difference for me with binging and just over eating. Its the compulsion. There is a LOT of planning involved during a binge. It starts by me feeling it coming on and trying to work around the feeling and then trying to figure out how I can accommodate it without anyone knowing.

Last night, it began when Brian went out during the afternoon. I physically watched him pull away in his 4runner. I even went to the door to double check he had totally left because I didn't want to get caught. I started eating standing by the pantry, stuffing what items i could in my face while i looked for what i really wanted.

After I decide on what I want I sneak it from the pantry. The kids, Em and Zak, were still home, so I had to sneak it into my room. I ate it, then dug out other items, including a bag (gallon) of peanut butter snickers. I started eating them. I listen for foot steps. I know its a issue cause when the kids knocked on the door i quickly hid the bag under the blankets and swallowed what I could. Only then, did i answer the door. As i eat i go to the kitchen and dispose of what wrappers i have, always hide them under everything in the trash, then move on to what i can find next.

Last night, the leftover meatloaf in the fridge that would have fed us all, three bowls of kids cereal (large large bowls that hold probably 3 cups cereal at a time) , while i was pouring it i was eating handfuls of other cereal from the pantry, a apple, an orange, two sleeves of saltines, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, two cans of soup, half a bag of candy bars, 5 cheese sandwich slices, ice cream, glasses of milk, 2 granola bars, half a bag (family size) of white chocolate covered pretzels, a handful of real pretzels, a can of peaches, couple handfuls wheat thins. This was all within 90 mins. start to finish. There were other things, i just can't think of them at the moment.

This is a typical binge people. I did it Saturday as well. Not as large, but I did it. What has always always amazed me is I binge, but I do not purge. I never ever have binged and vomited. Its not about getting rid of the food at all. If anything, its about putting the food in me emotionally filling me up.

Anyway, I told Brian all i ate, in great detail. He said Wow. Not really what i was going for. He seems insulted almost that he hasn't caught me doing it, well I've been covering it for years and a pro. There have been a few times he has come home after I have binged and I've had to quickly hide things. But, thats as close as its come..or he has went to get something i binged on and asked where the heck it went and i said the kids ate it...

He went on to tell me that "U can do this (meaning stopping and controlling it) its a matter of choice. not an easy choice I'm sure but you've did it before (meaning controlled my eating to drop weight). This was in a text. He still doesn't get the addiction. I guess its a start, I don't know..considering he had this all thrown at him this morning out of no where. It sure was easier just texting him and not talking about it. I worry how this will change things and if he will suddenly become the food police and watch me. I've never ever told. I don't know why i did this this morning, and what I am trying to prove by doing so. It hurts, its embarrassing, and telling him didn't make me feel any lesss lonely.