I lost 50 lbs one time before, and I definitely became more ougoing and confident as the weight came off. Now that I am making that same journey again, I notice the same thing happening. This time around I notice that I'm more optimistic in general.

The funny thing is, when I was at my heaviest I always used to dream about getting attention from men. But when I lost that 50 lbs the first time, I was surprised at how uncomfortable it felt to be "checked out" by guys. I wasn't used to it, and I kept thinking there must be something wrong like maybe I'd spilled something on my clothes! So maybe that was part of the reason I regained the weight?

This time around my head's in a better place and I am prepared to deal with male reactions!

For the record I used to be very athletic and muscular (15 years and 175lbs ago). I had a lot of girlfriends and many more who were interested (no I am not being vein I am trying to make a point). I rarely dated skinny or self-obsessed females. While some of them looked good they usually had personality issues that made them much less attractive. I suppose that's partly from the the world they grew up in and how they were treated being Barbies. I for one would take a voluptuous woman with a heart and a soul over a plastic princess any day of the week. Fortunately I found my soul mate before I reached the point where I am today. My MUCH smaller and younger wife decided to that for better or worse covered getting fat too. Woo Hoo!

Jess, these feelings will fade, I think. At one time, I felt the same but then I just realized: hell, I'm a great catch! I was about your age, and yes, I was a bit heavy, but I lived on my own, owned my own (new) car, worked two jobs, was putting myself thru college, could cook and was not hideous looking (but not even close to how cute you are!). When you adopt an attitude like that, good men flock to you. Don't compromise...find a man worthy of you!

I found mine. And he has a six pack too! Even after ten years! On top of that, we've still stuck together through a lot proving he loves me not my tiny butt. AND He still chases me around the table a couple of times a week! LOL.

You'll get there for sure.

This thread got me thinking about how I have changed. I think I've become more outgoing, more friendly, and more tolerant and accepting of other people. It's like I'm reaching out to others instead of being so withdrawn. I've got more compassion and more empathy with others now. And I know this is a reflection of the fact that I have become much more tolerant and accepting of myself.

I have also found that I've become less concerned about what other people think of me. I don't let my feelings about myself depend upon whether or not other people think well of me. I feel like I'm a very neat person and if someone doesn't like me, that's ok, there are other people that do. If I say something stupid or act like a fool, instead of trying to backstep and reconcile myself in the eyes of others, I just admit that I was a jerk, let my ego "take a hit," and let others think what they will.

I know this has all come about in conjunction with my weight loss, because with each new layer of fat that I have released, there seems to be a set of emotional issues that got uncovered and dealt with. It's like peeling into an onion and removing deeper and deeper levels. I found there are emotional issues buried at every level that will surface and get dealt with. I think that I am willing to uncover it all now, because I am getting very close to the bottom!

Hmmm, I wonder if this might be one reason why some people stop losing weight at a certain point, or maybe gain it back -- because there are some deep issues being uncovered that they're not willing or ready to look at and tackle? That's an interesting thing to ponder.

Same thing happened to me the first time I took off 60-80 pounds! I really wasn't prepared mentally.

Now I'm married...and a mother...wonder what will happen this time?

You get thick skin over time and it rolls right off your back. And if you dont want to turn into a D*** then just act like you always have. Like today my friend that i have not seen in months and did not know i was on a diet asked me if i had the lapband. Pissed me off but i smiled and said no. could i have jumped all over her yeah. but where would it have got me. what im trying to say is you are who you are and only you know that. be true to yourself. and ill be point blank with you. IF i lose all my weight i will be on top of the world hell yeah i will have pep in my step and if some people dont like that owell they dont know that feeling of picking yourself up off the floor and climbing your way back to the top. my head will be held high for all to see. but i will never look down on others because inside we are all the same! call it crap laugh if you want. but im sure we all put are shoes on one foot at a time.

I think you're on to something here. A lot of us tend to think that the weight is the cause of all of our problems, that life will be perfect if we can lose the weight. But that's not how life works--we still have to deal with our kids, our spouses, our family and friends, our bosses, etc. Losing weight doesn't make everything magically perfect. I view the weight loss as an opportunity to tackle the other issues unencumbered by the weight, both mentally and physically.

--Melissa

What I have found is that the emotional issues that I've uncovered as I've gotten to each new level of weight loss have not been the big bug-a-boos that I anticipated them to be. I think I assumed that if I buried something emotionally a long time ago, it must have been very traumatic and horrible. But I think, instead, that there are a lot of small, not so terrible things hidden all throughout the layers that might feel big before they're uncovered just because they are simply unknown.

This is a relief. And this is why I'm not afraid to charge ahead and get to the very bottom, because I don't think there's anything significant there.

Just my take on it ...