No, you're right, they almost surely don't. I just feel kind of rejected and my mind is playing tricks on me, I guess.

I hate feeling "weak".

Oh goodness tater, I hope I didn't come off like something is wrong with you!! Thats just how it goes a lot of times with me.

No, I didn't take it that way at all... just that we can build "facts" in our minds out of faulty assumptions... which is dead on!

An example of me thinking that way is in my afraid of having friends thread. I'm putting a massive head trip on myself, but I'm also realizing the little lady in question may not be wrapped up tight either

Sublime.... OMG I LOVE YOUR AVATAR. I forgot to say that earlier.
Nice to meet you Barb... tater is pretty cute though!
I am going to jump right in here ladies... hope that's okay. I missed having the internet at work today and when I woke up this morning it was down I felt so deprived LOL
So here goes...
Sublime... I think it is easier to open up on here because we are anonymous to some degree. We feel we have to be one thing to those who know us as we are. IMHO, you need to let it out, and you need to let those who love you, help you. I went to scary town with Rx's. I am only here because my daughter, who was 16 at the time, saved my life. Long sad story... but I learned from that to talk and let my family "in". She was dreadfully sad from losing her big sister, boy what was I thinking... well I WASN'T!!!
I just know how quickly it can spin out of control when we lose someone we love so deeply.
And Barb, I have had melt downs at the oddest times. And wouldn't we love to be able to plan and predict when that was going to happen.
Well, I really need to make some dinner. I am doing super good on day one of induction and I feel so in control again. Oh I hope this lasts for a good long time!!!

I had one of those "Aha" moments while responding to another thread about how people are just making excuses... it finally dawned on me that the judgements other people pass on me are less about ME than them. I know it's one of those things that are clear as day to a lot of people, but it's a real breakthough for me.

For the first time in ages, if EVER, I didn't feel the need to try to justify my choices to someone else! If they want to think I'm making feeble excuses....LET THEM!

It feels SO different to not feel I have to prove to someone else that I'm good enough, that I really AM as good as they are... or think they are.

Yay, me!

Apparently, it makes people feel better to be right. I'd rather be happy.

Don't get me wrong, I looooove to win an arguement, I'd be a liar if I said otherwise, I just don't have a real personal stake in the outcome. Whether it comes from age-related wisdom, or just fatigue, I'll take it!

I really don't know what it was I'm after when I kick into approval-seeking mode. It's not like the person saying "You're just making excuses" has the power to validate me as a human being... I mean, would you really expect someone convinced there is One Right Way to suddenly say "Oh, I guess you're right. I was so wrong to have doubted you, and it IS unfair to say there's something wrong with what you're doing." Would it make me a better person if they DID tell me it's okay for me to eat as I choose, that my reason for eating the wrong thing is a good ENOUGH reason to please them?

Honestly, I don't really care what they think anymore, I just like to debate and try to give them a little something to think about, even if they won't admit it here

I like the thought that it is doesn't matter if it is wisdom or exhaustion... either way it is better.
Does it ever help to change your mind to have someone attack your position? Not me!!! I might be easier going now days, but I am as stubborn as ever! LOL

I was reading that other thread, and posted something in it way earlier...but I'm just now having another one of those 'aha' things about my own particular situation.

You see, I'm phenomenally good at beating myself up mercilessly for my slip ups, and because of that - the one slip up turns into scenarios like, "Well, why bother even trying, you obviously suck at this weight loss thing anyway...you're never going to get there".

And the worse I feel about myself, the more likely it is that I'll slip up again.

So, in this respect, I do think forgiveness and/or 'explanations and reasons' are a healthy response to dealing with the times when I have messed up. I've noticed a trend - when I'm kind to myself, and am able to put the messed up meal or whatever behind me, I last a lot longer before screwing up again. On the other hand, if I tear myself apart for the so-called 'failure' - I find it very difficult to get back on track. I can sometimes get into a "Why bother, you keep screwing up anyway" kind of mentality.

I recognize though - that not everyone has this same 'blame game' going on in their heads like I do.

Also realizing too - after reading that other thread, that this is a big learning curve for me, and it's not just the food part - but rather, how to live through the really bad times without reaching for the easiest thing at the time. I'm not so good at it, but I'm slowly, but surely, getting there. A key piece in my 'getting there' is to stop beating myself up when things don't always go according to plan.

Being able to forgive myself, and put it behind me, helps me stay 'on track' more often and for longer periods of time.

I used to be all-or-nothing like some of the posters there are...and I hate to say, I likely would have said the same things right in the throes of that first flush of success.

I also "knew" it was easy for people to give up smoking, having just quit myself...

I also think some people need to shore up their own self-esteem by listing all the things they've endured and still maintained exactly 22.275 grams of carbs a day.

Nobody can/will tell me, though, just WHY they care enough that other people aren't doing things "right" enough to keep posting about it?

Mental note: do not go into threads that have degenerated into making fun of being kind and supportive.

Potato,
That is a sad post. I think we can beat our own selves up enough my gosh the last thing I have to do is "out source" mocking!!!
I tend to read a thread throughly before risking getting involved. I have noticed certain posters who have a pretty harsh streak. I avoid threads they visit.
But on the other hand, the same might be said about me. They probably don't want to visit threads I participate in because they are all very supportive!!! LOL
To each his own! Take Care m'dear, if you ever need a shoulder come to my journal!!!
(((hugs)))

Thanks, Red. I've been having a hard time lately, and it all just gives me flashbacks to being made fun of by the mean kids, and later in life being mocked and made fun of by my husband... always with the blame put squarely on me for being "too sensitive" and "can't take a JOKE!".

Yeah, being SO P.C. you can't say anything remotely negative is bad, but it's tiring when people take no responsibility for insensitive remarks. My right to swing my fist ends where your nose begins...