So, I'm sure a lot of us have horror stories about exes that decimated our self esteem or "helped" us on the way to being fat. After just stumbling upon THAT ex on FB and being (nearly irresistibly) tempted to send him a message just to tell him off, I thought: "What if I just wrote this letter elsewhere to get it off my chest?"
Who else wants to get something off their chest to an ex? I have to say, it felt pretty damn good!

Dear Ex,

First and foremost, you and I both know what you did, and you just escaped the statute of limitation by the skin of your teeth, so be grateful you aren't in jail for identity theft. I have no interest in being a part of your current life, and certainly no interest in inviting you into my life. But this is a rare opportunity for closure, and I'm taking it.

I forgive you. I forgive you for not being willing to rise above your childhood and circumstances to become a good person and honorable man. I forgive myself for being a naive teenager blinded by your charm. I also forgive myself for allowing myself to be manipulated by you into thinking I couldn't do any better. I THANK you for realizing I was too good for you, and, even though you went about it in a cowardly fashion, for leaving. That was the only gift you ever gave me, and it was a big one.

Because of that gift, I finished college, traveled the world, met my amazing husband, made an incredible life with him, achieved success. And figured out what actual love looks like, which wasn't the cheap imitation you were peddling.

I'm not expecting an apology from you. Maybe you've become a better man in the past 11 years, and maybe you haven't. I hope for your sake it's the former. Either way, thank God it doesn't affect me any longer.

Good bye.

If anyone feels comfortable, please follow suit. It was such a relief getting this out of my system.

Great letter! A lot like one I could have written about an ex boyfriend

Here is the letter I wrote to my ex:

Dear Ex,

First of all I would like to say thank you for walking out on me when you did: it must have taken a huge amount of guts to walk away from your newly pregnant girlfriend (who you subsequently denied having a relationship with at all). I was so pleased for you when you got married only a few weeks later to the woman you claimed to have been seeing for years.

Despite the fact the next few years were tough being a young single mom, my life was infinitely better for not having you in it.

If you had stayed in my life I would never have met the man who became my daughter’s dad. He is an incredibly positive influence to both of us and was always there for us with love and support throughout her childhood. He adopted her and made her his own. She never wanted for anything, especially love. Although she is aware of your existence, she knows who her dad is and who he is not.

Without you in my life, I went back to school, got a certificate, a Bachelor’s degree and then a Master's degree and I have a great career. None of this would have been possible with you here.

I forgive you for abandoning me. I forgive you for missing out on my child’s life and for being the immature person that you are and continue to be. I forgive you for, to this day, maintaining that it not a relationship you had with me and that I was the one who pushed you away after I got pregnant. I forgive you for the names you called me and the fact that you still think I am “hostile” towards you. So you know, hostility requires too much energy, I prefer “disinterest”.

Since this was apparently all my fault, I would never expect an apology from you for your behaviour. Know you are forgiven without being asked.

Forgiveness is a selfish act for me as it frees me to let go of the pain you caused and celebrate the wonderful life I have created without you.

I wish you well.


Julie

Both of your posts, brought tears to my eyes...

I am so happy that both of you went to on to be better persons. You sound like wonderful people.

I pray to God that I can have the courage you both do, to write a letter one day. I have so much hurt inside me that I have decided to forgive, but in all honesty I cannot forget waking up in an emergency room not knowing my name & not knowing what happened. I cannot forget that I had suffered three traumatic head injuries that nearly cost me my life. I cannot forget that I had a brain hemmorrage that nearly cost me my eye sight.

All I know is that I forgive.

Thank you both for your fabulous posts!

Koolaunt - thanks for your kind words.

Forgiveness is not about forgetting what happened. If you forget what happened it won't help you avoid the next rotten apple that comes your way (they seem to flock to me!). It's something that you do for YOU not the other person. I looked at it as a process.

My DD is 20 now and it took me almost that long to get here.

I could write a letter to a different ex as well - one that sounds similar to yours who I am also much better off without. His gift to me was a concussion/head injury (read: perm short term memory issues).

You're a survivor

Take care, Julie

Wow, Koolaunt and Mousesmom, you both have gone through so much and have come out the other side with an amazing perspective. I was "lucky" that I only ever suffered emotional abuse at the hands of an ex. I have a close friend in a physically abusive marriage, and it breaks my heart every day to see her pain and not know how to help other than by offering my love and support.
Knowing that there are incredible woman out there like you both, who suffered but also got out, is inspiring.

Thanks for replying to my post. I was uncertain about putting it all out there like that, but it was such a relief to get it out of my system that I didn't care.

Just keep on being supportive to your friend - she will need it when she finally makes the decision to leave. It may take a long time though so don't give up.

Take care, Julie

Wow, I have to admit I choked back the tears as I read your letters. I can so relate! Very inspirational, thanks a bunch!

There's no way I'm letting all you ladies have all the fun.

Dear EX,
As I take a good look at my life today I can appreciate what brought me to this point.

You told me that I wasted my time in the Army and could have finished college instead. You told me that any future husband of yours HAD to have a college degree. I took another route, becoming an Engineering Inspector with the six figure income to go with it. You called me the smartest person you've ever met, and I'm happy to prove it.

During your days of disrespect toward me I plunged further into the bottle. While enduring one of your oh so caring lectures you told me that I would always be a worthless alcoholic. A few months after our breakup my alcoholism actually broke my esophagus and I almost hemmoraged to death. During treatment and rehab I just wanted to die. Every time I wanted to quit there were two things that kept me going. One was the thought that as a Soldier I could achieve anything that I wanted. So much for the useless Army. The second was the sound of your voice telling me I couldn't do it. Well guess what? I've been sober for 17 months and I'm never going back. I even get joy out of helping other people overcome their addictions too.

I don't even feel like typing a huge list of things so I'll make this easy. I don't weigh 245 lbs. anymore; today I'm 198 lbs. I'm sober and successful. I have a rich and fun life where I can do whatever I please. During our breakup my Father mentioned that the best way to get over you would be to improve every facet of my life then replace you with a younger, thinner model. So, I did. And yes, she's great.

I recently saw a picture of you online. You still hang out at the same loser bar, with the same loser friends. Somehow you even managed to pack on 20 to 30 extra pounds. Mother Nature can be cruel and you are her prime example. I always wondered what having the last laugh would feel like and I must confess, it's great. I almost pity you but the problem is that I don't even care enough to do that.

Take Care.

R.

It's always good to have a different (i.e., male) perspective.

Congrats on your ongoing recovery Rick.

Julie

Good for you!

I could have written the same thing, word for word, to an ex I also found on FB!

OMG, haaarsh

If I wrote a letter to my ex with details it would be an entire novel.

Mostly now I think it's just summed up as:

Dear Ex,

Thank you, thank you, thank you, for finally becoming my EX.

PJ

Exactly right!!!!

Ex's are ex's for good reasons....

Julie

I am still sore from a COUPLE breakups.