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I had been smoke-free for about three weeks about three weeks ago, but since then have started to smoke whilst drinking alcohol and it is escalating and I know it is only a matter of time until I'm up to my old habits.

I'm also so ashamed because my fiance has been quit for over two months now and is doing really well, so I have been sneaking cigarettes in the loos and stuff and hiding it from him.

Got caught smoking last Saturday night and lied and told him it was only that one.

I DON'T WANT TO LIE to him. What I want is to be free. The fact is that when I was off them for three weeks, I really started to notice how cravings were really subsiding and I was scarcely ever thinking about cigarettes.

WHY OH WHY did I go and ruin it with that first puff?

Today is Day 1 all over again for me and I really, really need support and help being accountable. I feel like such a failure and morally weak and bankrupt.

I honestly feel like a bad person and fear that I will NEVER overcome addiction in my life.