Last night, my family and I went out to dinner. While waiting in the car for hubby to pay afterwards, my kids started teasing each other. My daughter was putting her finger in her mouth, all the way to the back of her throat, and making "throw up" noises in response to some comment her brother made. I asked her not to do it, and explained that putting her fingers that far in to her mouth really could make her throw up, which aside from being gross was not good for her. Her response:

"Well, it makes you lose weight."

My daughter is 10 years old.



I was totally horrified by this.. to my knowledge, and as far as what is within my control, my daughter has never been exposed to any sort of information regarding dieting or eating disorders. I have always been very careful during my weight loss to approach my chage of diet as a way to get healthy, and not as a way to lose weight. I have never complained of being fat in front of her, I have never criticized or commented on her weight, and I don't ridicule/comment on overweight people in front of her. This has got to be coming from friends at school, as there is really nowhere else she would have gotten this information from!

I asked her where she had heard this, and she said "I don't know." I didn't push that issue, but did explain to her that making oneself throw up is NOT a way to lose weight, that it is dangerous, will make people sick, will damage teeth, and could possibly lead to death. I don't have any concerns that she is actually DOING this, because the comment was definitely made in a joking manner - but it makes me very concerned because I really hadn't been aware that this sort of stuff was floating around in her head (it certainly wasn't floating around in my head when I was 10!!). I am not sure what, if anything, else to do to address this issue. I would really appreciate any input/feedback from other parents out there. I always thought I would do great at understanding/responding to childhood issues because I was pretty young myself when my kids were born and so thought I could "relate", but this just floors me. It is so totally opposite from where my head was at at this age

I think you handled it very well. It's always hard to think of the perfect thing to say when you've been caught on the hop.

No matter what she's exposed to at school, her main influence is always going to be her family, so as long as you all have a healthy attitude to food and body image, she will too, no matter what her friends do.

How does she spend her time? If you can get her involved in some sort of sport or athletic activity, she's less likely to be mixing with anyone who tries to lose weight by puking.

I think you handled it very well. You addressed it on the spot with facts. It's out there, whether we're ready for our girls to hear it all or not... <shudder>

Just keep being a good mom like you are and keep the lines of communication open. that way, she'll be able to come to you if she ever has concerns or hears something like that from the other girls again.

Thanks for your responses, they helped me put it a little more in perspective. I have to admit, I was pretty shook up about it last night and this morning. My daughter is very active and will be joining a basketball team soon, and she runs track in the spring. She is also very artistic. She has a lot of outlets, and she is a smart girl and makes good decisions, so I am confident that she knows how to process and deal with the information she is getting from other sources. I am thinking that I may just take her out for a special "girl's night" this week so that we can have a chance to talk away from dad and brother about anything else that might be on her mind.

I guess what struck me the most is how much things have changed in less than 20 years... when I was 10 I was still playing with dolls, and losing weight was not something I had ever even thought about.

My daughter is 21. I have a LOT of grey hair.

I remember having to explain to her what some rather derogatory words meant when she was about your daughter's age. A couple of them can't even be repeated on the board... It's hard to keep your cool when your sweet child pipes up with "J.R. said I was a *&^^%$. What's that?"

<dies>

And then you give them the "That's not a polite word, it's offensive and rude." and you get "Really, Mom? What does it MEAN?"

I still have a bunch of five year diaries from when I was around ten to 13 years old. No way was I worrying about my weight. But clearly my friends and I talked about all sort of things we knew very little about. Kids were so much more innocent back then, before television, let alone websites and blogs.

I don't envy parents trying to raise kids today.

Kay

Count me in with those who think you handled it well. Give yourself a pat on the back. The best way to handle questions like that isn't to get all rattled and upset but to calmly answer with enough facts to answer the question but not overwhelm them with more information than they need.
Keep in mind that 10 year old girls can have older sisters who aren't always careful about whether or not discussing a topic is appropriate for their little sister to hear. As horrifying as the thought may be, whoever your dd heard it from may have heard it from her mom or aunt or may have overheard a discussion she shouldn't have.
I have 11 and 12 year old daughters. Lately, they have asked a few questions at the dinner table that left my DH nearly needing the Heimlich!

I am constantly amazed by what my stepdaughter brings up in conversation and she's 16! I don't remember thinking about a lot of that stuff when I was 16 and that was only 16 years ago! The kids are just exposed to a lot more these days through tv and the internet. We can try to curb it, but we can't control what their friends will pass on. You did the right thing with your response. As long as you have a healthy attitude toward eating, she should ultimately follow your lead.