I have some of the same problems as many of you: being a fat child, dealing with PCOS in my 20's, hooked on sugar and junk food. But I have dealt with this in therapy over the years, and I know my biggest reason is some warped sense of keeping men away from me. I lost all my weight about 8 years ago (87 lbs.) by starving myself and overexersizing, and I met my last boyfriend at that stage. As the relationship soured, I kept gaining weight, and he finally lost interest in me at some point. He left after 3 years, and I was devastated by the fact that he wasn't attracted to me at 275, when he was at 145. I know he was superficial, but it still hurts to think about it.

I have stayed fat (I believe) to somehow protect myself from the attention men give me, and believing that it's not possible for a man to be attracted to a woman my size. Now that I am on my way losing weight with a healthier LC WOE, I am scared to death of getting attention from men. I'm much more secure being friends with a man, and I'm afraid of the possibility that a man might actually be attracted to me again. I'm so afraid of getting hurt and feeling abandoned again.

I know there are men out there who love larger women, but I haven't met any yet, and my own insecurities get in the way of believing that I am beautiful just the way I am now. What sick things we do to ourselves!