Hi gals and pals.

Jaz---I'm a bit behind on your post I want to reference because I didn't post yesterday and that's all it takes to get behind in this bevy of bodacious women I love.

Still, wanted to tell you that from my POV, and I think everyone else's here too, no need to apologize for hard times and the need to write it out. So helpful, and I think we all do it in our individual styles.

I loved the way that post started out w/you deep in the weeds, and then you just motored yourself right up the hill as you went along and thought it out. This is the benefit of writing it out, and imo, it's so much easier to do when you feel like someone is listening. And we are! And we get it.

Can so see you as a cheer leader. Don't think I knew that, but it was a great way to say how uncomfortable it is for you to have to deal w/the negativity of your present situation. Been there. It's no fun to keep having to battle up that hill, when you think "I just did this yesterday!"

But I know we all have so much faith in you, and while we hate to see you going thru this right now, we're not worried for you in the long run, so not to worry a bit about whining/screaming your head off here when it's a great way to really see, literally in black and white, what's going thru your mind.

Trig---Can't believe you finally met some heat you don't love. To me that means it's baaaaaaaaaad. And from what I'm hearing from you and Jazz, it sounds horrible.

But also sounds you've found a way to have fun anyway. I can't believe you're coming home so soon---even I can't believe how fast it seems to have gone.

Oh, and I know about the low carb hog wilder. We don't talk about that very often, but it happens. One way or the other, our desires catch up w/us, and then we right the ship and move on, right?

Lori---Yay! You made it, you're safe and cozy at the hotel and you're in New York City! Gotta admit that's kind of exciting and certainly a change of pace. Thanx for letting us know you made it and now you can let go of some of that nervousness. Although one is always on ones toes in NYC, if you don't know it or live there.

Nic---Loved hearing about T's great job interview. Not surprised, that kid's got spunk and his own kind of spark.

And wow, your older son's adventure, along w/the GF and their list of places they will meet and visit together is just the stuff of a young person's dreams. So excited for you that you and your hubby have your plans all set out to go visit and share some of that with him.

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Well, I'm in a bit of a funk. It's professionally rooted, and going thru this passage of semi-retirement. At some point I'll talk about it more, but tonight I just feel emotionally constipated w/it and need to let it play out a bit more before I share. Just suffice to say I've got the blues---and I think it's mostly because I cannot figure out right now how to answer my questions and move on from these feelings. Been this way for awhile now, but it's getting cumulative. Hopefully, eventually, things will reveal themselves to me.

On the good news side, I've lost another pound and a half. 8.5 pounds total now since I really recommitted to LC---about 3 to 4 months ago. Yes, I got on the scale, and yes I'm doing that more often these days.

Was thinking today how much I'd forgotten about being really back on the wagon, including that when one is working hard at it, one is more drawn to the scale for some proof it's working. When I was off and on, up and down, I was happy to have my clothes tell me I was at least maintaining. And in fact, it's when they started to tell me, hey girl, you're kind of blowing up here, that I got my butt back on plan.

Remember "bouncing blue?" I kind of forgot about her for about a year. Well, she's back and that's OK, it's like coming home to what you know. So when I say here I've lost weight, it's AFTER the bounce part is over and I know the loss is real.

For me it ALWAYS goes like this. I drop a pound or two. It NEVER sticks on the scale, always bounces back up, seemingly no matter what I do. So I don't rush to mention it when I see a new number, because I know it won't stay long the first time it shows up. But then...if I stick to my guns, I see it again, then again, and pretty soon, I'm seeing another new low number and the whole process starts all over again.

4 more pounds and I'll be back at my second lowest weight---which I maintained pretty much for quite awhile. And although that was 15 pounds more than my lowest ever LC weight, it was also the maintenance of a 40 pound loss and I'll be happy to see it again.

My lowest LC weight was not/is not realistic for me to maintain. To get there I had to track every morsel, carbs and cals, I put in my mouth, every day. It was a challenge on one hand, and I enjoyed parts of it. But it was too all consuming for me. In a different way, it once again, made food too important.

When I lose those 4 more pounds I'll think about what is realistic for me from there. I think losing another 5 pounds from there is realistic, but at the rate I lose these days, we won't be talking about that till we're ready to roast our turkeys.

Also, did my work out today. Finding I'm having to drag myself to it more these days than at the beginning when I was all aflutter w/the pool and the exercise possibilities. First time in years I've worked out at all.

But there's precious little time left for the pool, so I'm going to keep dragging myself down there if I have to. And Jaz LOVED your "spider's web moment under the moon" and I had a similar moment when I worked out today.

It was a halcyon summer day, sunny and cool w/just a tinge of fall to it. I had the pool to myself because I can see that others are already seeing fall walking up to the door, and the place is much quieter now.

Started my work out in a sluggish way, but as usual, picked up steam as I went. And there was this moment when I was doing this one part of my routine, when I felt like I could do it forever---and in fact did do it a lot longer than I usually do. The sky was almost neon blue, the flowers so beautiful, the sun making the water sparkle all around me, my body saying, Oh! Thank you! we needed this!

Could never have guessed I'd get there from how I felt when I went down. MUST keep that in mind when my evil twin is trying to talk me out of it.