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Old Wed, Jan-29-03, 11:34
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Karen Karen is offline
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Posts: 12,775
 
Plan: Ketogenic
Stats: -/-/- Female 5 feet 4 inches
BF:
Progress: 100%
Location: Vancouver
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Did you seek out psychotherapy? Read self-help books? Prayer? ....
No, no yes! I always read self-help books to see where I was right, not where I was wrong!

I realized what an addict I was when I first started LC. I couldn't use carbs as my drug of choice any more. So I started learning to deal with everything on its own terms, not on mine. I realized that I had no control over anything. From there, I just kept plugging away.

I lacked an attitude of gratefulness and humility, so I started working on it by learning to appreciate all that I had in my life.

Then I started doing "housecleaning". Mental, physical and spiritual. It took me right down to the core of my beliefs. Many of them were hard to let go of and still are. If I gave them up, who would I be? There was great fear in the unknown.

It all became a quest for sanity. Learing to operate from the best part of my self not the worst so the best would become stronger. I would actually have to say it. "I am doing this from the best part of myself or the worst?", when making a decision.

I had a belief in God, but what God was never had a definite "shape". I was so sick of myself and not understanding what I was doing wrong that out of desperation, I called out for help. Surprise! I was answered. It was not what you would call a "ball of fire" kind of thing, but quiet and steady.

I used to want to do everything for and by myself, never ask for help, be in total control of everything. Well, I learned that giving up the control was the key to sanity when I had been doing the opposite. The worst thing of "being in control" is that you always have to defend it. It's like a barrier that nothing can pass through. There are hardly any opportunities for growth or anything else and you become a static maniac in your own little control box.

I'm not 100% and of course I'll never be "perfect". But I've learned tons of stuff about myself and get a little more sane all the time. All because I was willing to give it all up.

Karen
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