i am mistress of my domain... day 85.

i was thinking about all of you earlier today while i was making dinner, and something occurred to me... since i joined this challenge, in 85 days i've only called one cheat, and that was for a bottle of beer after a particularly stupidity-filled day... it wasn't even a particularly high-carb kind either, it was perfectly acceptable for lowcarbing. and i'm starting to wonder if i'm missing out on something.

calling cheats isn't in my nature... if i'm going to be good then i'm going to be good and stepping outside the boundaries of low-carbing is illegal. for days i've been craving a kit kat blizzard from dairy queen. i could, conceivably, call a cheat and go have one. except i know i won't. i know i can't. i know that if i do, i'll have far more dire consequences than just not advancing my counter by a day (or having to start all over again). i'll have to deal with demons breaking free of their reins and beating the living hell out of me with the guilt sticks. emotionally i'll feel far worse than the sugar can make me feel physically. and i just don't get it sometimes... how you guys can call cheats and get right back on track, and the only reason i'm still on the wagon is because i'm too scared to get off.

the scale is finally starting to creep down, and it's been oh so freaking slow. the only way i can tell i'm making any kind of progress is because i've been tracking it in MY P.L.A.N.... i bounce around anywhere from .5 to 3lbs from day to day, but it's finally starting to show that the peaks aren't going quite as high each time, and the lows are slowly dipping lower. but it's the fluctuations that scare me too, and have me obsessing over what i eat and how much and when and all that. maybe i'm just overglorifying the memory, but i could have sworn that last time around, the weight just melted off me.

and now i want to go figure out if chocolate whipped cream with pork rinds will emulate a kit kat blizzard.


that lady in red is heidi klum... and it's really sad and scary to see what kind of retouching they do just to keep supermodels in pictures. i was watching "america's next top model" today, and one of the girls had gained some weight over the course of the competition... tyra made the comment that they had to do MAJOR retouching on the girl's photo in order to get her stomach flat. tyra even said "i can eat whatever i want, they'll do all the retouching for me because i've already paid my dues."