Thank you all for your suggestions. I have all the books - or I used to - but with all my moves, books are the first to go.

I have the sense that my weight loss attempts earlier this year, and it's abysmal failure, are simply due to grieving. I eat to ease grieving. Sometimes I realize I am grieving just by my food choices.

What am I grieving? Started with the death of my two brothers 4 months apart leaving me as the last remaining sibling. It is a kind of loneliness I had not experienced before - no one left who "remembers."

Then, last year, I decided to leave my home in Canada permanently - the home I had lived in for 30 years. All the memorabilia had to go.

This year my last remaining dog died in June- the last of my own breeding program. No point living in a large house on 5 acres, with a doggie door and lots of room for the dogs.

So I sold my home in July and moved to a seniors residence apartment in August. More memorabilia had to go and my books went to the library as the apartment was half the size of the house.

It has taken me this long to realize I was grieving for all these changes and using comfort foods to ease the pain.

I was able to download Diet Power - the computer program - to monitor my carb and protein intake as well as my weight fluctuations. As of today - one month after "getting real" again, I am down 8 pounds. That's 2 pounds more than when I started in February. It was realizing the stress of losing a beloved pet, selling my home, and downsizing that was sabotaging my weight loss journey, that I have been able to get back on the wagon.

Is it a struggle? You bet it is - especially when I found that my 4 knee replacements were not doing the job and I told my surgeon I was not having any more. So my life is confined to the use of a walker. The rehab center told me rehab was a waste of time with dislocated knee caps, so I am working on an exercise regimen appropriate to my limitations.

In spite of all this, I am grateful for my mobility - such as it is - and that I am not confined to a bed in a nursing home as both my mother and her sister were at my age. I am still independent and making my own decisions - including food.

Time to get off the pity pot and move on.