Hi everyone!
Well I am forty-one and ten years ago I put on forty pounds in about six months. The weight gain at that time was caused by high-carb, inactivity and two ectopic pregnancies back to back.
Now that I know more about my genetics (insulin resistance) and eating habits I realize the weight was inevitable. I was very active in my teens and twenties weight lifting and running etc, but I NEVER lost weight. I did not diet either, but the minute my activity slowed I would put on weight. I did not give it much thought though but my esteem was always low.
Part of my problem also was the carb addiction and pumping out those beta-endorphins ( Potatoes Not Prozac). Thus also causing low serotonin levels (low self esteem and poor decision making).
So anyways I was the life of the party with those high endorphins, although like Donald I did not want to be there. The sugar or alchohol helped me fit in. People enjoy being around that bubbly personality too! Hey it was the eighties!
What I am trying to say is that I believe my personality caused me to be threatening to many women and sexually interesting to most men. When I got married I wanted to stay safe. (My poor husband) I think subconsciously the fat is one big protective layer and YES when the layers start to thin I feel very vulnerable.
Five years ago when I first did Atkins and dropped from 204 to 164 in a few months, I stood in front of the mirror at 164 lbs and said "So what are you gonna do now?" I was concerned about poor decision making regarding my marriage I guess! That is the day I sabbotaged myself, and I have been struggling ever since. Even these few pounds I have lost since January 03, my self esteem is climbing, but I worry about that attention from men, also my husbands reaction to any new popularity. As well as living my life differently.
I have also read some self-help books and one that really has helped I think since the sabbotage at 164 was Co-Dependant No More (M Williamson I believe.)
I hope this does not sound like I think I am God's Gift when I am thinner (I am not), it is not that at all. It is about those sugar highs and lows that I have been using most of my life, inappropriately!!
Yes I still have lots of brain work to do! This forum and the members sure help. Well here goes. Thanks!