You really hit the ball out of the park with this thread, Teri… (aww jeez, did I really just use a sports metaphor?) Anyway…

For my part, I was LC and lost 60lbs 3 years ago. Then I fell off the wagon and gained 95 back. I’ve thought about what led me back to a carb-laden diet (and I do mean laden) and it’s a difficult question to answer.

For sure, I got bored. I didn’t stay prepared. I became too confident and stopped thinking about the things I was eating. But those are mechanical reasons that led to my weight re-gain. But what about the real reasons…?

I wasn’t lonely and sad when this happened. In fact, I had just entered into a new and meaningful personal relationship with my partner. But as I had done in the past, I immediately got fat when I settled down. I remember that I even mentioned this going in to the relationship; I said “Please keep an eye on me because I don’t want to get fat again”…but it happened. And here’s why, I think…

I made my relationship (and re-decorating our apartment) the focus of my life. It wasn’t part of a balanced, integrated life, rather it was everything. But at the same time I deeply feared the relationship. My fears of letting myself get so close to another person again (my previous partner died 7 years into our relationship and it took a toll on me) was in full force. Was I building this wall of fat around myself as a barrier to the vulnerability that comes with being in an intimate, committed relationship? Looking back on it, it sure seems possible.

And then there’s that nasty and predictable shame spiral. I’m fat so I don’t want to go out so I eat more and get fatter. But I have to go out so I better eat more so that I don’t have to be too close to people. More eating, more fat, more barriers, more shame.

Things are different now though. I hit bottom (and made quite a thud) and got myself together again. I’ve lost 110lbs in a year and I’m physically active again. I’m happy, too. My relationship is solid and I’m open and available in every way. I’ve stopped dieting and instead have chosen a new and better WOE. And the positive changes and influences seem to touch all aspects of my life. Yes, bad things still happen and the world remains a very scary place at times. But I deal. And not by eating.

I’m enjoying this transformation more than I can describe….

Thanks everyone for letting me take this much space. And thanks too, for all the wonderful entries here. I think I’ll be reading this thread over and over…

Donald