After years of working out, tryign to be healthier and lose weight when I didnt need to(I was never a size zero like the girls on my pom team and that killed me) I went through some MAJOR changes 6 years ago and put on 30 lbs on a month. No kidding. A far cry from the 'Shape Magazine' working out lo fat hi carb girl I had been.

Thing is, ten years ago, I was about 135 at 5'4" and I was at my 'babe' stage...really the pictures are stunning. Youd never guess how screwed up I was at the time from looking at them. I called it the "Bacardi Diet" because all I would do is get hammered every night on bacardi and rarely eat except for tuna and veggies, and work out at lunch from the chow hall. And it as all over a guy=STUPID. Well, that and living on an airbase during a war contributed to the stress.

Three years ago I trained for and ran a triathlon through the Leukemia Society's Team in Training excellent program! I lost and gained not an ounce, I think because Iwas effectively starving myself-and eating constantly. The nutrition people had nothing to offer me, just how to get through the training=all about the peanut butter and power bars. Oh yah, and the Gu! Pure sugar and caffiene in a handy little packet. Rocket fuel, dude.

I recall going into the doctor to see if they would put me on a liquid diet a freind has recently seen amazing success with. I BEGGED her for guidance. No energy, hated my life! The tiny asian PA told me "just eat less". I wanted to wring her f*&%-ing anorexic 0 body fat neck! I STILL do.

So, my sudden 30 lbs crept upwards to 230....a freind suggested atkins, and eureka! It all makes sense now!

I understand the psychological responses...am relieving them all the time, the childhood molestations, the adult betrayals and personal and professional failures. I released some of them at burning man, casting the letters and memories into the fire-very therapeutic. I say thank you, fat for protecting me, but I dont need you any more. You can go away now. Ill do it again:

Bye bye belly!

JC