Wow.. this is an awesome post... I have read through so many replies.. I can relate to everyone of them.. .I think my weight is holographic.. it is my eating patterns, my emotions, my health etc..

I have been overweight my whole life.. and like a few others I was put on diets as a child... having 'special cookies'... that were actually appetite suppressants.. etc..

Looking back.. I weighed about 130 in high school.. which for 5'7".. was perfect.. but I felt huge and gawky... I was eyed over by step family male members.. etc.. icky...

College.. up to 170.. and hovered there the whold time.. all the while feeling fat.. strange psychology of weight and image...

Then.. each time I got into a relationship.. my weight ballooned... and I found myself getting into the 200s... I will never forget the day.. when I realized I was 350 pounds.. something washed over me.. I thought to myself.. 'what am I doing?"... I have yo yo dieted.. throughout those years.. most recently.. I had lost 150 pounds... low fat.. low calorie eating..... basically starving myself to death.. unknowingly at the time...I just knew the weight was dropping off fast...

Then a few tough years of stressful relationship, bad job, miscarriage and the death of my father... my system finally wigged out.. I got really .. really sick.. took me a year to recover...

I believe the year of no to low protein.. deprived my body of the nutrients I needed to feed my body.. and keep my organs and hormone system healthy.. then add the stress.. which is when I needed to be healthy.. and BAM... perscription for major illness.. and weight gain...

I learned alot in my relationship.. I learned now to stand up for myself.. to say what made me feel good about myself .. and what made me feel crappy. To ask someone to stop when it did not feel right. To request to be treated with respect. I am grateful form having been in the relationship because I discovered my boundaries... which now I can do verbally.. and do not have to do with my weight...

So.. looking back.. it all fit together ... what I had done to my body... and how I have evolved.. and I imagine I have a ways to go... men notice me now much more as well.. it feels good.. feels powerful.. and feels scary.... all at the same time....

Thanks everyone for sharing yourself.. together we are healing and getting healthy...

With respect..

Ramona