When I was younger, both my parents were really big. Neither one is very tall and my dad weighed about 370 and my mom hit a little over 400. In my family I was the smallest--always. Even my sister (1 year younger) was bigger than me. I was never small--or even average--I was "chunky"--just smaller than the rest of my family. For about 2 years my sister carried alot of her extra weight on her stomach. Poor girl was only 8 or 9--making me 10 or 11. And I was merciless--I would find her anytime and pat her tummy and say, "when is the baby due?"

It was behavior I'd already learned from people and the way I saw them treat my mom and dad--a sad truth.

I could tell many of my own stories here--stories where I was the one receiving the harsh looks and the comments. But the one that I will always remember is how I treated my sister. Of course I'm sorry now; and I'm not real guilt-ridden about it--I was too young to understand anyway. But it reminds me of how much society does affect our view and our comments. By the age of 10 I had already absorbed enough of that to participate. And I still remember why I had to say that to her everytime I saw her--it was because I already felt bad about my size and she was bigger.
And to remind myself of that made me feel better.

Now when people make comments--especially when they seem to be trying not to let me hear them I say things to them like, "Why are you whispering that to her? Do you thing I don't already know I'm fat?" and I laugh--because it doesn't hurt me as much as it once did--and then they are the ones to turn red and walk off embarrassed instead of me. On rarer occasions my responses have spurned an apology and discussion with those who were making the comments. Often it comes out how dissatisfied they are with their own bodies, and then they say things like---"I admire your determination. Sometimes I think if I gain another 5 lbs I'll lock myself in my house and not come out." How tragic that the condition of one aspect of our lives (our bodies) can have that much negative effect on people.