Weird thing is when I did this, I knew I was self-sabotaging but I continued anyways...

I was doing a very clean atkins and was 9 pounds away from my goal weight when I sabotaged myself.

My binge, that led me to gain back almost all my weight, started out innocent - I figured I could treat myself to some birthday cake and spaghetti for being so good, plus it was a birthday party. Well, this would have been okay, but I didnt stop. The next day the sabotage began and I "treated" myself to all the things I couldnt eat on atkins - Starbucks Frappiccinos, Starbucks Gingerbread Loaf (seasonal) , etc...
I justified it by telling myself that Starbucks only brought this stuff as a seasonal thing and if I didnt eat it now, I wouldnt for a very long time. So I kept eating it. I had this stuff everyday for the past 18 days and I gained almost all my weight back.

Lesson learned: Food will always be there and there is no reason for me to horde it like a chimpmonk for the next season. Really though, I realized that I love Starbucks, but I love being thin even more. I realized that I dont do well on the slipperly slope of carbs. I realized I hate being controlled by my cravings - seriously, it was this crazy craving for Starbucks I couldnt control. I realized that I should reach my goal first, then treat myself occassionally and just because I ruin my diet with a treat doesnt mean I have to ruin the whole day or the whole week!!

All simple lessons really but I guess the sabotage came out of fear - fear of not eating this stuff later ever again. How did I get over this fear? Here is my plan: reach goal weight and THEN have ANY treat I want once a week.

Today is my second day back. How did I finally stop the Starbucks monster? Well, my clothes dont fit again so I kinda didnt have a choice. Plus, I felt physically and emotionally sick from not having a clean diet. Let me tell you this : the first day back is by far the hardest!! Hope this helps other people.